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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's not my necklace

999 replies

Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 15:36

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 01/08/2017 22:52

Hang in there, OP. Don't take his calls and keep that solicitor appointment. Figure out the best way to leave him while protecting yourself and your children.

BorisTrumpsHair · 01/08/2017 22:58

Here is a link to the pinned post at top of Relationships. Always worth a read.

Right, listen up everybody.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

Xoticdreamz · 01/08/2017 22:59

So glad your mum is being supportive. Keep being strong, this man is not worthy of you or your children.

Greenicicle · 02/08/2017 07:27

Just wondering- whook TOOK the photos? Are they evidence of a third party present?

Bluebelle38 · 02/08/2017 07:59

Why are people saying shame on those who called op a troll. Was that word even used? It's an internet forum and unfortunately people make up stories. I have seen it on here and it makes people question things. No shame in being suspicious, in fact it is naive to blindly believe everything.

I thought it very strange a receptionist would remember pearls were left in a room and blurt it out in a phone call (who is to say the person in the room was the 'wife'?).

I stand 100% corrected and am pleased OP is getting support during this horrendous time. What I don't feel is shame that I questioned something.

Op, am pleased your mother is supporting you and hope that keeps you strong. X

TheRat · 02/08/2017 08:33

I've been following this from the start, im so sorry OP. When is your appt with solicitor?

Not really important now I know, but theres an easy way to check if pearls are real by rubbing one on your tooth, if it feels gritty then it's real. If it feels smooth it's fake. This doesn't give any indication of how valuable the pearls are though, obvs.

Fairenuff · 02/08/2017 09:57

Because it's against MN rules Bluebelle. Just report if you are suspicious, don't mess with the OP. If you're right, no harm done but if you are wrong, how is that going to make a vulnerable person feel when they came here for help?

RTKangaMummy · 02/08/2017 10:24

Also real pearls feel very cold when first put against your neck plastic ones don't

hayli · 02/08/2017 10:27

I thought it very strange a receptionist would remember pearls were left in a room and blurt it out in a phone call (who is to say the person in the room was the 'wife'?).
Receptionist get told these things as owners first contact would be by phone. And usually the receptionist job to pick up and answer queries.
Sure her husband gave a 'Mr & Mrs' when he made reservations for the room so natrually you would think the mrs is the wife.
But i agree you can qustion things written here been false but maybe wait a while so op can update more makes things more clear.

hayli · 02/08/2017 10:28

I thought it very strange a receptionist would remember pearls were left in a room and blurt it out in a phone call (who is to say the person in the room was the 'wife'?).

Receptionist get told these things as owners first contact would be by phone. And usually the receptionist job to pick up and answer queries.
Sure her husband gave a 'Mr & Mrs' when he made reservations for the room so natrually you would think the mrs is the wife.
But i agree you can qustion things written here been false but maybe wait a while so op can update more makes things more clear.

MineKraftCheese · 02/08/2017 10:28

The weirdest thing is the physical photos. It's not particularly easy or convenient to get physical photos developed these days.

He must have specifically sent off for them from a photo printing website or printed them off himself or gone to one of those kiosks at Boots or used a Polaroid camera?! It just seems extremely fucking odd.

Why would he not just have them on a phone/tablet/computer etc?! Totally totally bizarre.

TeamCersei · 02/08/2017 10:46

Could they be photos from years ago?
Mementos of first girlfriends?

Clutching at straws, trying to think of an innocent explanation here .

GreenTulips · 02/08/2017 10:58

He's doing lots of strange stuff - I go in DHs car as he does mine - keys are left if the person is out
We don't have locked draws
Washing is innone basket - not done separately -

Sorry there's too many strange activities -

Now prof of a bank account?

Good luck OP - I hope you feel better soon and stronger

rainbowstardrops · 02/08/2017 10:59

You've done the right thing going to stay with your mum OP. He is clearly not sorry and is now crapping himself that you found out his dirty little secret. He's probably sat trying to work out how he can turn it all around to be your fault but you've got plenty of evidence.
You're well rid Flowers

rizlett · 02/08/2017 11:17

Op - remember you are still caught in his cycle of abuse - and you are very vulnerable at this time.

Every time you feel you want to talk to him read the script as pp mentioned or look at the womens aid website to find out more about abusive men.

Also really consider getting the book 'why does he do that' - it will explain his behaviour to you perfectly and help give you strength to keep moving forward.

TheRat · 02/08/2017 11:19

*The weirdest thing is the physical photos. It's not particularly easy or convenient to get physical photos developed these days.

He must have specifically sent off for them from a photo printing website or printed them off himself or gone to one of those kiosks at Boots or used a Polaroid camera?! It just seems extremely fucking odd.

Why would he not just have them on a phone/tablet/computer etc?! Totally totally bizarre.*

Or he printed them himself on photo paper?

Flowersandfootballs · 02/08/2017 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notsoloudmrblessed · 02/08/2017 12:24

MineKraft the printed photos and 'trophies' in the drawer are wank fodder. So he has his hands free, so to speak.

Sorry if TMI, but what a creep - really likes to get his money's worth doesn't he?

kali110 · 02/08/2017 12:44

*The weirdest thing is the physical photos. It's not particularly easy or convenient to get physical photos developed these days.
What? How is it not easy to gwt photos developed??
Theres photo places everywhere!
Boots, max spielman to name two....

MineKraftCheese · 02/08/2017 13:11

Maybe I'm the weird one Confused The only time I've had physical photos in the last ten years has been when we picked out some wedding photos so we could frame them.

Floofborksnootandboop · 02/08/2017 13:15

The weirdest thing is the physical photos. It's not particularly easy or convenient to get physical photos developed these days.

You can go to literally any super market to get photos printed. There are even apps that will print your photos and send them to you. It couldn't be easier to get "physical photos" printed.

tallfox · 02/08/2017 13:26

My £35 printer prints photos.

GreenTulips · 02/08/2017 13:27

I print pics - too many lost phones etc not too

Writerwannabe83 · 02/08/2017 13:32

I still get all my photos printed off....

However, if the photos are of a sexual nature I find it odd they would be printed as the photo shops surely must vet what the photos are of?

Saying that though, there are machines in supermarkets these days where you can just print them off your phone there and then without even involving a member of staff.

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