It's not my necklace

[Foolmeoncefoolmetwice]

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

I believe you OP. Sending you lots of strength...

What he's done already is a deal breaker for you. Hold that thought. Even if you can't prove how deep this runs, it can be as simple as - what I can prove, what I have seen; isn't acceptable to ME.

He seems like a ruthless, heartless, controlling wanker of a man. Hold your nerve, don't be bullied. He doesn't think you are strong enough! Fucking hell, you ARE! Keep going.x

Hope you're ok. Try and eat something yourself too if you can.

What an abusive fuck weasel! I'm so glad you're safe and away from him. The advice from other posters is right. I wouldn't engage further unless through a third party. He sounds like a complete bastard. Stay strong.

So glad you are okay OP.

That silly thread annoyed me this morning. Just stay away if you want to make fun of someone's real life misfortune!

Hi I have been thinking about you and I'm sorry to whoever reported the thread was wrong. I think you have been through a lot the last few days and I really admire your strength to come on here at such a vulnerable time. Please keep coming to talk to us and ignore any negativity ❤️

And so starts Thecla game of Classic Abuser Bingo.

I've had 10 years of this. They do not change. Do not let him scare you or talk you around. As for the questioning of your mental health? That's tactic numero uno. THey ALL do it.

You have been hugely gaslighted and now that he's been caught he'll ramp it up several notches. DO NOT FALTER. It's going to be ok. Women's Aid are a good starting point.

Do not talk to him on the phone.

Oh and half the joint account? Take the fucking lot my love - I did.

So glad you aren't a troll!
We are all still here for you op. .

Well done on leaving Foolme! You sound like you are incredibly brave, and I have no doubt your life will be an awful lot better out of this relationship. Stay strong!

Well done on staying strong and standing up to him. I love your mum (I've never met her lol) for stepping up. She's a hero.

Hang in there, take each day as it comes. I'm so sorry things have turned out this way, but the truth can be liberating.

And change the password on the account before he does.

Been lurking but sending You sound like a strong woman

Stay strong

Hope you are ok, you are being very brave

If it's a joint account beware - mine emptied it, put it overdrawn and left it to me to pick up the charges.
I went in to close it (it can be closed by only one person, wish I'd realised that a day earlier) but I had to clear the overdraft first.

Maybe you could pop into the bank, withdraw the cash and close it?

have to admit I was beginning to think this wasn't real and I wish it wasn't because i can't imagine what you're going through right now but hope you stay strong and get through this.

I'd be willing to bet that the pearls belonged to an escort and the reception staff spotted her for a working girl and your husband for a cheating bastard, but they passed themselves off as a couple to the hotel staff. Then someone lovely working there decided to try to give you the heads up by returning the pearls to you instead.

It'll be very bumpy for a while, but it's like getting a rotten tooth removed - it's causing you pain and you know that it will hurt to remove it and heal from it, but ultimately you will be better off in the long run without the rot and the pain.

An escort's not going to use real pearls on a job, they'd be easily lost or nicked.

Maybe you could pop into the bank, withdraw the cash and close it?

Both account holders have to sign a form to close a joint account. I learnt this the hard way. ExH kept going overdrawn and getting charges affecting my credit. Bank did eventually agree to returning all his direct debits unpaid (inc mortgage) if he went overdrawn again but couldn't take my name off or close the account.

An escort's not going to use real pearls on a job, they'd be easily lost or nicked.

We don't know they are real pearls. They look expensive but then you can get some fairly nice stuff from Next and the High Street like that too. Not the real deal but quality looking stuff.

"Both account holders have to sign a form to close a joint account. I learnt this the hard way. ExH kept going overdrawn and getting charges affecting my credit. Bank did eventually agree to returning all his direct debits unpaid (inc mortgage) if he went overdrawn again but couldn't take my name off or close the account."

You can withdraw your permission for the account to be used and then it has to be frozen.

You can easily tell real pearls from fake close up.

😮😡😮😡😮😡

What an absolute bastard!!

So was he taking mementos of his meetings? Is that the reason for the velvet hair tie and the pearls? Keeping all that in his drawer away from you locked when he cheated before - what a creepy , pervy little bastard !

Oh you poor woman!! What a nightmare!!