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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's not my necklace

999 replies

Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 15:36

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 31/07/2017 17:14

I am so sorry. Flowers That is awful. I am so glad your Mum is being supportive this time. Well done for taking action. Now get a shit hot lawyer and nail his balls to the desk. What a complete dirtbag he is.

JamRock · 31/07/2017 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/07/2017 17:17

The fucking bastard.

Time is of the essence now op, is there any account you have access to? Take half of anything you can.

He's going to come out fighting, so be prepared, book an appointment with a solicitor.

I'm so sorry, but so glad you know now.

Clockwork wife indeed, the utter twat Angry

CauliflowerSqueeze · 31/07/2017 17:18

Actually feel sick myself reading this. You poor poor woman. We are right behind you here. All of us are collectively kicking his bollocks up his throat. How dare he. Angry

CauliflowerSqueeze · 31/07/2017 17:19

Withdraw at least half the money from that account. Pronto.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 31/07/2017 17:20

Don't hate yourself ffs - you're the innocent party here. Reserve the anger for him. HE is the one who has deliberately and repeatedly fucked up here.

Blueberrycreampie · 31/07/2017 17:22

Look on this day as a blessing! No more wondering and waiting! t's all out in the open, and you are in a safe place. The shock you have experienced means you will never be tempted to return to this lowlife ever again. Well done for taking photos and for getting the hell out of there! Flowers

Myusernamewhichisthis · 31/07/2017 17:30

op. its good you got photos of everything - you need legal advice now. make an appt with a solicitor.

you have done great. this is him - not you.

Skylark678 · 31/07/2017 17:32

I'm glad you have found the strength to leave with your children. Thinking of you

SenoritaViva · 31/07/2017 17:40

I'm sorry you're going through this but eventually your life will get better. It might not for a while, but in the end it will. X

StormTreader · 31/07/2017 17:42

Wow, that is appalling - he left you and the kids scraping about for money to do anything while there was £500 in cash IN YOUR HOUSE waiting to be spent on someone else, I genuinely feel a bit sick.

The OW can have the old "well its looooove" trotted out but there is NO excuse for denying you access to money you need, especially when hes been saying hes "working so hard for us", I really want to slap him right now!

sewingandcoffee · 31/07/2017 17:42

Oh my Goodness.

You poor woman!

I have just read your thread from start to finish and I'm crying for you and your kids now.

I'm so glad your mum is supporting you and you are not dealing with this alone. He is a complete shit and you owe him absolutely nothing. Do not let him squirm out of this. I'm so sad it has come to this. Sending you lots of positive energy xx

Bexta147 · 31/07/2017 17:47

Flowers well done on finally getting into them drawers. I am so pleased your mother is supporting you this time. Contact a solicitor in the morning. What an utter scumbag!

LexieLulu · 31/07/2017 17:47

I hope confrontation goes as smoothly as it can be. I'm sorry OP

hellsbellsmelons · 31/07/2017 17:48

Don't do anything for now other than turn your phone off.
Let him stew and let him figure it out for himself.
Honestly.
Just leave him to it.
He's not stupid, he'll get there.

STOP hating on yourself.
You tried and tried.
You forgave him.
You worked at this and he did not.
This is ALL HIM!!!
Not you.
You've walked away knowing YOU did all you could to keep the family together while HE WAS doing everything in his friggin' power to fuck it all up.
He's a worthless scumbag.
Look in the mirror and keep saying it.
He's a worthless scumbag.
He's a cunt
Etc.....
Keep saying it until it sinks in.
It will take a while.

Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 31/07/2017 17:48

Mum said I need to prepare for it to be prostitutes based on the pattern of how he's drawn money out on the statements, but then who is the woman whose things were in the drawer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 31/07/2017 17:50

I just can't get my head around it. He hasn't been acting strange, hasn't been furtive or funny about his phone. It doesn't feel like it can be the same man

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 31/07/2017 17:51

One he sees regularly?

Angelf1sh · 31/07/2017 17:52

The things may not belong to a specific woman, they may be things he likes them to wear

Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 31/07/2017 17:53

The photographs are of more than one woman

OP posts:
Seenoevil · 31/07/2017 17:55

Maybe he likes to keep things that are the prostituties ? Asking to keep a pair of underwear if he's a paying customer isn't going to be unusual.
It could be escorts that do call outs and charge for a whole night at a hotel.
Or a call out to your house when you have been away? Left the hair band behind and he decided to keep it as a souvenir..
I would also say escorts tbh.

PlymouthMaid1 · 31/07/2017 17:56

well done foolme and foolme's Mum. So glad you have her on side.

Seenoevil · 31/07/2017 17:57

How many different women are the pictures off ?
Are the selfie type pictures or pictures that someone's took of them?

Writerwannabe83 · 31/07/2017 17:57

Some men really are complete bastards.

Please, please believe me when I say you've had a very lucky escape from this man.

AhNowTed · 31/07/2017 17:58

There's still the possibility of another phone.

Bless you OP SadFlowers