It's not my necklace

[Foolmeoncefoolmetwice]

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

Sorry if this is completely irrelevant with regard to scanning...

There's an app called 'genius scan' where you use your smartphone camera but it converts to PDF documents.

So you can scan, email, print etc as if you have a normal scanner.

So glad you have your ducks in a row though! What an idiot your husband is

I was a little suprised if mum was in the UK too? Not trying to be a cynic OP, I'm just curious. --

Ah im really sorry @foolme
But at least you know now and can start to deal with facts!

Do you have a friend you can stay with or even talk to just in case your mother isn't as supporting as you had hoped.

You have done the right thing!
He's done the worst thing you could do to your wife.

I hope you get strength from all of us. We're all behind you. Xx

Op I'm so so sorry he's done this to you. You are so much better than that and deserve to be with someone who treats you like a queen. Remember we are all here for you. We might be strangers online but there's some pretty amazing people on here! X

Mum has taken the children out to give me a break and get my head together, she has amazed me by being really great, she went completely white when I showed her and is furious, although she seems to be angrier about the financial deceit than the other, she can't believe he's been keeping us short while he blows his secret money on god knows what or who.

I found the key taped to the back of his underwear drawer on the outside, all his statements from this other account, 500 in cash in an envelope, some disgusting pornographeic photographs and some woman's things, I guess the other woman's. A velvet hair tie, a bracelet, and knickers.

I threw up on the carpet and called my mum and she came right away. She saw everything and helped me pack some things got me to email the pictures I took to her.

She took the cash as well and said he could fucking well feed his kids with it!!

So sorry for you, OP. X

Op, remember that this reflects badly on him as a husband, not you as a wife.

Glad your dm has come up trumps for you op. .

Blimey.

Your obviously feeling very hurt, upset and vulnerable OP but it's always better to know and confront the truth.

I wish you lots of strength to cope with the difficult upcoming months. You've absolutely done the right thing by leaving

Good luck moving forward OP you are better off already.

Gosh that sent shivers down my spine. What an absolute fucking arse. Screw him for everything he's got. The lengths he went to behind your back. I can't wait for that secret smirk to be wiped from his face when he walks in tonight!!

Oh OP you poor love 😟 so glad your DM has your back

OMG OP I'm so so sorry.
I was seriously hoping he was just a useless twat.
This is beyond what I was expecting.
I'm so pleased your mum came and got you and is supporting you.
Now take your time.
Turn your phone off for now so you can get your head around all of this.
I hope you left the sick on the floor and drawer open!?

No knee jerk reactions.
Take your time and think things through.
Get all the info you can from CAB etc.... on where you would stand after a separation.
And definitely get yourself to the nearest GUM clinic as soon as you can.

for you.
It will take time and a lot of support but you will get there!

As a quick tip, sugary tea and ice-lollies got me through the first few weeks as I couldn't keep anything solid down.
Find what works for you to keep your sugar levels up and keep yourself hydrated.
You'll be running on adrenalin for a while so you need your strength for when the shock truly hits home!
Look after yourself!!!!

I hate him and I hate myself

Mum has surprised me so much I thought she'd brush it under the carpet or make it my fault like when he cheated before.

What do I do now, what about when he comes home?

Will he know you've been in the drawer?

Advise him all communication will be through solicitors from now on. . Block his number for now. . You need head space not excuses from him. .
And see one tomorrow.

So sorry to see your update OP.

You need to book a solicitors appointment as soon as you feel able, and take somebody supportive with you.

What a complete knob. You will be so much better off without him. Stay strong x

What a complete and utter wanker!!!
He's kept you and the kids short and all the time he's got a secret stash of cash and another account??!
How much money has he been lavishing on his bit of skirt (or prozzis) while you're raising his 2 children seemingly single-handed?
I am sooooo angry now on your behalf Foolme
I too bloody well hope you did NOT clean up your vomit. Let the bastard do that at least.
Screw him for everything you and your children deserve off of this cretin!
Oh, and I'd definitely get yourself checked out for any STI's I'm afraid.

Regardless of the OW foolme, I think he's done you a favour (hopefully you'll see it in the long run which I'm sure you will).
I will pray for you and your children, you brave brave woman

So glad you're Mum has been supportive.

Get to a solicitor asap and get things moving.

Be prepared for lots of abuse and begging in turns. Develop an armour to ignore. He's a cheat, and financially abusive towards you and the children. Whoever he is, he isn't who you thought he was.

Did you leave the drawer open and evidence in plain sight? If so he will put two and two together and realise what's going on, you won't have to say a word to him.