It's not my necklace

[Foolmeoncefoolmetwice]

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

That is one seriously presumptuous hotel receptionist

I can understand the burying your head in the sand as at the moment you probably are worried that you wouldn't manage without him. Obviously he has contributed to you feeling that way by making you dependent on him and treating you like a child. If it makes it easier tell yourself you don't have to do anything with any evidence you might find ( hopefully you would though) but by knowing you are forearmed for any future developments. If he is squirrelling away money then you need to know, because the chances are he's got a plan.

I agree with a PP that your husband probably knows you have the necklace. This is starting to sound like Mr & Mrs Smith.

I seriously think you should see a solicitor.

Do you know what your name is on and is not on? The house? Banking? Investments? The car?

My first call in your situation would have been to my parents. Is that something you can do?

Car key. Look on top of kitchen cupboards. And pull out bottom drawers to look underneath. Classic hiding places of deceitful people

Cars usually have more than one key. Is there anywhere he could keep a spare, where does he keep the car documents like MOT certificates, service history etc?

I'm really sorry your husband is treating you and your DCs like this

Any pictures on the walls of that study? Look at the back of them.

I bet the spare keys are in the locked drawer!

I've played the docile happy stupid cow he clearly thinks I am tonight and thanked him for the extra money and chatted about funny things the children have done today, he was all indulgent smiles and nods, I can't explain it but I feel in my soul that if I push for any more information he will wipe his whole life clean so I can't find anything. I need to do this under his radar.

You are one wise woman. Bravo bravo bravo.

This is exactly how you should play it. Keep everything under the radar like a stealth bomber. Give him no opportunity to suspect what you're doing on the quiet.

In short, get the bastard

What's springdaffs says

OP go onto Amazon and search for lock picker. Lots of sets come up for around £12, so you should be able to get into a drawer with them. As for car keys, if it's a newish car you should be able to get a spare "garage" type key from the dealer. We had to do that when my DD lost my spare....... there is always a way, you just to be a bit cleverer than he is. Best of luck.

just looking..

Why won't you just confront him ???

Sending you lots of courage and strength OP. Stay strong for your little ones.

Alpacawhacker it's not bloody James Bond haha

Be very very sneaky. We are 99% certain things are not kosher. Don't arouse any suspicion.

I thought alpaca's suggestion was a good one, personally.

Yes, clever. It's so much easier to make a decision when you are really clear about the status quo.

Is that true that if you send somebody emails with the text whited out at the bottom, THEY will get adverts popping up for that item too!?

It probably is - apologies, I just found it funny and had visions of op all cluedo style hunting out spare key s . My bad

i've just sent my son two emails with dormobile, camper van etc whited out. It will be interesting to see if he gets ads for these things popping up tomorrow.

Get in the drawer. Why would somebody leave their car at home but take the car keys. I think op is burying head in thr sand i dont blame her, I think I would do the same as I would be terrified of what I would find, however I think she deserves to know what's going kn

Oh OP he sounds like an utter shit. And that is a massive understatement.

Think about your sweet DD years from now, married and telling you of a parter just like your DH. What would you say to her?

Be the woman you want her to become.

Is there a spare car key? Ours are in the key cupboard

Remember to clear your search history!

Yes do some more digging before confronting. Pop the kids in your car & go do some spy work?