It's not my necklace

[Foolmeoncefoolmetwice]

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

Can you last out until Monday when he's at work for the day, and get a locksmith out? That would give you all day to go through the paperwork at your leisure, and get it out of the house to a safe place, ready to hand over to your solicitor.
Failing that, smash them open tonight & get a friend to collect & keep them. There will be trouble, so keep the police on speed dial.

The pearls? If asked - Deny, deny, deny. You don't know anything about them. (But, I'd be tempted to get them valued, just in case, maybe even buy a cheap copy...)

Who gives a monkey's about the drawer. Deal with the actual issue for God's sake.

Sandy - he rarely looks after them alone, he likes the highlight reel of having children but he's quite detached in other ways

You need to change this. Time to do things on your own.

When I was on maternity leave, I would make sure I got out on my own. Even if my DH got back late, I'd go out to the 24 hour Asda and just take my time shopping and browsing.

Men who think looking after your own kids is not work are deluded.

Plus as many have said, it's not a man thing to not be interested in toddlers. Admittedly my DH liked to play with them and have fun, more than actually do the hard work, but he was interested in them.

OP should 'give a Monkey's' about the drawer, Des. Her financial security/future is in that drawer and her DH has no intention of letting her see exactly where she stands. She has an absolute right to know every detail about the family's finances. And other posters are right in that he will clean out everything he doesn't want her to know about before he grudgingly lets her see his version of the truth.

Given the very real possibility of this marriage going tits up due to his infidelity and financial abuse, she needs to know exactly what's what so she isn't cheated.

I have literally never been so angry reading a thread!
OP your husband is all of these:

1. Cheating asshole
2. Terrible husband
3. Failure as a father
4. A generally shit human being
5. Not worthy of you

he's dropped his car off so he's getting a lift home, but he's taken his keys so I can't get in the car. I've played the docile happy stupid cow he clearly thinks I am tonight and thanked him for the extra money and chatted about funny things the children have done today, he was all indulgent smiles and nods, I can't explain it but I feel in my soul that if I push for any more information he will wipe his whole life clean so I can't find anything. I need to do this under his radar.

Op seriously you need to find out what's in the drawers. I would try to pick the lock get a sodding crow bar. It's your home, your family and he's never going to let you see it properly. If/when he does, he'll give himself time first to wipe everything dodgey. X

Maybe you are enjoying all the subterfuge

^^ to clarify I'm not saying you should but it's just what I would do. But if my husband were to treat me like that I'd be one unstoppable bitch

Pick the lock! That's your first move...

Then you know what you are dealing with!

I am genuinely gobsmacked at the locked drawer- are you his child?

I'd have forced that open a LONG time ago
on your behalf.

Enjoying the fact her husband might be cheating?!

Been through it myself, it's fecking horrible

Are your DC in bed? If so, go look in that drawer.

Aimed at randomer btw

Is there not a spare set of keys for his car?

Get your ducks in a row Foolme, organise your paperwork so he can't screw you over then tell him to sling his cheating hook.

Does he not have a spare key for his car somewhere?

he gives me a break from house stuff for a few hours while I take the children for a run in the park

That doesn't give you a break, though, you are looking after DC. It gives him quiet in the house.

If he does have a spare key I don't know where it is.

why would he take his Keys ????

ere just fucking break it open!

He's probably locked the spare set of car keys in the damn drawer!!!

You are detaching from him and all his bullshit OP, getting wise and clever. This is a very good sign for you.
Stay calm. Stay focused.

DD is up crying for me a lot tonight so I'm up with her so as not to hype up DS. Nothing I can do right now.

You can think!