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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone left their DP/DH knowing it was for the best but still being in love with them?

762 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 27/03/2007 10:15

How did you get through it? Was it really for the best?

OP posts:
ginnedupmummy · 15/05/2007 12:01

Message withdrawn

LilyLoo · 15/05/2007 12:07

Am i right in thinking that he knows he has a problem if he is lying about it or does he do this to 'get you off his back' ?

ginnedupmummy · 15/05/2007 12:15

Message withdrawn

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 13:54

Hello ladies

You Ginnedupmummy are doing fantastically well! I am sooooo proud of you and yes, everything you say makes sense. I would say that you plans for leaving are your bolt hole, you need those plans to see you through, they are your option. You may never use them but they are there for you all the same. At the moment they are part of your coping mechanism.

Im sure that as you go from strength to strength your DH will see the difference in you. It may be noticing this difference that brings him to his senses.
You seem to have a really good system with your friends, thats great

And i meant it, I do fall asleep thinking of you all I feel ive got it pretty good at the moment compared to others. I wish I could do more to help xx

Hi Lily

Im doing ok thank you. Im keeping up the 'technique' and its still working, little things are happening that probably won't mean mch to anyone else but mean a great deal to me. In fact, I have just this minute had a text from him to say he won't need a big tea as he is out for lunch. Now, not only does he not usually tell me these things, he just leaves most of his tea, but he even put a little 'x' at the end of his text!! Its made my bloody day!!

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 14:02

IOHW - brilliant news!

I am getting a little confused with all these threads. I manage to remember MLS's and IOHW's stories, but all the others kind of blend into a mish mash Old age I guess!

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:06

Thank you Dior I keep having a look at the text, i'm like a child at Christmas! Sad isn't it

How are you?

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 14:10

Brighter. New pills, but they are giving me terrible tummy troubles - hope that dies down soon! Had to come home from work today as I was very uncomfortable!

H and I are laughing together again, which seems to be as a result of me being brighter, but there is no touching of any kind involved. No cuddles or anything else, despite the good start to our Relate session. I have gained weight and I know it is playing on his mind, even if he has stopped pointing it out.

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:14

I'm so pleased. Thats all really positive. You are definately heading in the right direction again

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Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:17

I'm sure thats what has helped my situation with DP. Me being happier with myself has taken a lot of pressure off him to 'make' me happy so in turn, he feels happier.
I haven't made any demands of him at all since i started all this but he is giving without me having had to ask, which is nice.

OP posts:
ginnedupmummy · 15/05/2007 14:20

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 14:20

I'm a bit sad at our lives being just as companions and that I have to be thin for him to want me sexually.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 14:28

This is something I need to raise in Relate when we get an appt.

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:30

Thank you GUM
It means a lot because its never really been his 'thing'. He's not into romance and all that slushy stuff so for him to do something like that means a great deal.

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Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:34

It is rather shallow of him if he only wants intimacy when you are what he classes as 'thin'. That would be a big turn off for me even if i slimmed down to a size zero! You are who you are and he should love you and want you no matter what size you are.

I'm still at 'companion' stage with DP. I'm not ready for anything more than that yet. I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket just to have them all broken in one go, so to speak I need to know all this is for real first. I am really happy though

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mylittlestar · 15/05/2007 14:36

Not sad at all IOHW. Lovely news. Has really made me

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:39

Thanks MLS. It made me grin like a cheshire cat! I did a double take of the text!

I hope you are feeling a bit brighter now. I'm really sorry if I upset you earlier. You know we all love you and would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt you don't you xx

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 14:39

Yes, he is shallow!

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 14:40

GTG and pick ds up. Will be back on MSN later. Is Ernest alright BTW. She posted on our MSN and deleted it. Not been on since...

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:41

Ive not seen anything of her apart from the deleted message. I din't get to read it before she deleted it though. I hope she is ok.

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LilyLoo · 15/05/2007 14:46

Bloody Brilliant IOHW There all small steps in the right direction i honestly believe you are going to have a very happy ending to this
Ginnedupmummy i guess until he faces up to it then and stops the lies there really is not much you can do that you aren't already doing. It must be so difficult when you get on so well without the drink.
Dior glad the relate went well, if you loose the weight it needs to be because you want too, he sounds very shallow to make you feel that you aren't attrractive if you have put some weight on. How was he when you were pg ?

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:51

Thank you Lily

It is a nice feeling.

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mylittlestar · 15/05/2007 14:55

No you didn't upset me at all. I was upset with the situation and my feelings of despair. Not because of anything said on here. Honestly.

And tbh, you're all either men, hairy truckers, or not 'real' anyway!!

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 14:58

Actually MLS, we are all Earth Angels

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mylittlestar · 15/05/2007 15:01

You certainly are

lilybubble · 15/05/2007 15:02

Which do you think I am, MLS? Man, hairy trucker or not real?! I think you must definitely be not real, judging by your pic....

Dior, having seen your lovely pic too, I'm having trouble imagining you as being overweight, really. Even if you have put on weight from the time that pic was taken, you are stunning looking, really....

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