I'm going to end my relationship because DP is flash

[GlitterBallSacks]

I've been with DP for three years. We live together and we're getting to that stage where we're thinking about the future. Aside from plans of marriage, children, houses etc., I feel we're fundamentally incompatible with our approach to money. I don't see how we can live a happy and fulfilled life together without one of us compromising hugely

Basically, DP thinks that because we're both "young professionals" we should live a particular sort of lifestyle involving expensive cars, exotic holidays and big houses. He wants people to think we're very well-off.

I think these things are a waste of money and I don't give a shit if people think we're wealthy or not. For the record, we're not all that well-off (more on this below).

Example: Our kettle broke. I saw one for £32 which would go perfectly in our kitchen. He agreed it'd go well but he wanted a top of the range Bugatti kettle costing £230. It wouldn't look as good as my £32 kettle but he wanted it because the expensive one was more "us"

Another example: We went to a wedding. I looked amazing if I do say so myself in a 60s-style dress. When asked where I got it, I replied honestly that it was £3.50 in the Primark sale. He was annoyed that I'd admitted to people I shop in Primark.

Anyhow, he thinks because we're "young professionals" we should have a particular type of lifestyle. Except, he earns less than half what I do. So when he says he wants us to have this lifestyle, what that really means is for him to enjoy that lifestyle which is coming courtesy of my wages. We have a joint account, that was a mistake. However, if we separate accounts I know he'll just put it all on credit card because he's completely desperate to convince people we're loaded.

We've talked, we've rowed, we've cried. I've realised over the last couple of weeks that he's not going to change but I don't want to be in a relationship where this is an issue. I've grown to see how unattractive it is that he's so desperate to impress and I've struggled to find him attractive enough to have sex with.

He knows something's wrong and I know it'll hurt him massively but I need to get out for my own wellbeing.

I don't know why I'm posting. Hand holding maybe.

Just realised you have got out. See above to see the bullet you dodged. Have a great life !!

Fantastic update OP. I’m so glad how things have turned out.

This is really sad but I think you are doing the right think OP. If this is a problem now it would be a massive, enormous, huge issue if you ever started a family with this man. You have fundamentally different values.

ellendegeneres He's a bit of alright

Great update, glad you moved out and moved on. Your little house sounds lovely.

He might have loved you but he loved the money you brought with you too. My ex was like this, everything was fine when I was out-earning him, started being a bit shit when we earned approximately equally and as soon as he started out earning me he was a right belllend.

Never mind the kettle

What about the builder

Great update Op

OP I remember this thread but I must have lost sight of it before the amazing update about the fake sex noises Please oh please tell us more about that, it's made my day! What a tool!

I remember this when you first posted. Glad you got out and have settled down somewhere else. Do you know if your ex is still flashing the cash that he doesnt have

Great to see your update. Sounds like you are doing wonderfully, as deserved. All the best.

Yeah, the builder who's lodging with me is quite hot. Put it this way, if he said he was interested or made a move, I wouldn't turn him away.

But, I'm not looking for anything remotely approaching a relationship. I don't even want a FWB situation. And I'm not sure a drunken ONS with your lodger who's also renovating your whole house is a great idea.

So, I'm resisting for now, wait and see what happens once the renovations are finished

Just happened upon this thread today - good for you glitterballsacks wait for renovations to be finished

My partners ex wife is just like your partner and you'd do well to get out now. She's ran up serious debt in his name and we're now paying half of that off.

Do what's right for you and get out. Ugh so unattractive in a person.

You do you

Sorry just read the update didn't realise it was an old (ish) thread.

Good for you

For gawd's sake jamesarthur, RTFT before giving your helpful advice.

OP, I remember this thread from last year. I am delighted for you

Just re-read the whole thread for the nostalgia, and the joy of knowing how it would turn out :)
Really glad it all worked out, and maybe once your house is all done, suggest to the hot builder that he might like to enjoy the fruits of his labours on a slightly longer-term basis ;)

Just read all this and wanted to say I like your style, OP.

A common approach to money - earning it, spending it and investing it is crucial to a good long term relationship IMO

In your shoes I'd think very carefully about whether I could have a future with this man

I've really enjoyed reading this thread

OP you sound lovely, and I'm looking forward to your updates re your builder!

ooh shall wait for next update once renovations are finished...

Great update OP, looking forward now to post renovations update!

Ha ha - great update!

Situation couldn't have turned out better-chasing builders to get work done is the pits. Nicely avoided 😁

What a great thread and with a great update.
Congratulations OP

I LOVE that you're getting a hot tap

for goodness sake OP.....get that Quooker installed and then you MUST say to your lodger "steamy, isn't it" with a look...and do it right there on the kitchen counter.

hurry up! ;)

Omg the cheapest kettle I've got was £25 in the sale. I like primark too btw- nothing to be ashamed about liking a bargain. Debt however, will leave you feeling ashamed and I think, that you need to think carefully about your future with his current attitude.