I'm going to end my relationship because DP is flash

[GlitterBallSacks]

I've been with DP for three years. We live together and we're getting to that stage where we're thinking about the future. Aside from plans of marriage, children, houses etc., I feel we're fundamentally incompatible with our approach to money. I don't see how we can live a happy and fulfilled life together without one of us compromising hugely

Basically, DP thinks that because we're both "young professionals" we should live a particular sort of lifestyle involving expensive cars, exotic holidays and big houses. He wants people to think we're very well-off.

I think these things are a waste of money and I don't give a shit if people think we're wealthy or not. For the record, we're not all that well-off (more on this below).

Example: Our kettle broke. I saw one for £32 which would go perfectly in our kitchen. He agreed it'd go well but he wanted a top of the range Bugatti kettle costing £230. It wouldn't look as good as my £32 kettle but he wanted it because the expensive one was more "us"

Another example: We went to a wedding. I looked amazing if I do say so myself in a 60s-style dress. When asked where I got it, I replied honestly that it was £3.50 in the Primark sale. He was annoyed that I'd admitted to people I shop in Primark.

Anyhow, he thinks because we're "young professionals" we should have a particular type of lifestyle. Except, he earns less than half what I do. So when he says he wants us to have this lifestyle, what that really means is for him to enjoy that lifestyle which is coming courtesy of my wages. We have a joint account, that was a mistake. However, if we separate accounts I know he'll just put it all on credit card because he's completely desperate to convince people we're loaded.

We've talked, we've rowed, we've cried. I've realised over the last couple of weeks that he's not going to change but I don't want to be in a relationship where this is an issue. I've grown to see how unattractive it is that he's so desperate to impress and I've struggled to find him attractive enough to have sex with.

He knows something's wrong and I know it'll hurt him massively but I need to get out for my own wellbeing.

I don't know why I'm posting. Hand holding maybe.

Lol at the “bank of Glitter-balls” being closed as described as you stealing the savings!

I’m sure your little house will be just as you’d like it in no time with s builder on tap!

But what kettle have you got op? We NEED to know!!

I didn't see this thread first time round and I've just read the whole thing.

Glad you are happy and moving forward and I hope you meet someone on the same page as you at some point who will be happy with a £32 kettle because really, a kettle is just a fucking kettle.

I hope you also got some lovely new bedding. There is nothing nicer than Egyptian cotton sheets. My Dp is away for two weeks and I am going to change the bed and enjoy nice clean sheets all for myself tonight!

Hahahaha! I was reading this thread for the first time GlitterBallSacks (i.e. I didn't see this back in July) and presumed (hoped!) an update was coming so I read to the end to check. Totally thrilled to have a great ending for you - not to mention for Mumsnet time-wasters like me!!!!

Anyway, as I was reading it, all I could think was "never mind all this kettle jazz - she needs a hot water tap" and I'm now even more thrilled to see that is happening too! You'll never look back, girlfriend

Super news about your house, life etc etc - fab to read somebody making a tough but ultimately good choice. All power to you.

Best wishes

Glitterballsacks

I was going to post RUN LIKE THE WIND then I realised you already have...

My ex was like this. They don't grow out of it.

You sound very happy, I'm pleased for you. And envious of your flash hot water tap

I'm so glad this has a happy ending!

You have such a great sense of humour, and your post about your exP's attitude made me smile. I've been there too with the "free spirit emerging from bondage" nonsense. It it grating and childish, but amusing if seen in an appropriately silly light.

Nice update OP. Is your builder hot and single? Now that could potentially make a great update!

Doesn't he realise that the correct thing to do it not buy a 200 quid kettle but get a quooker or something similar

Well done! It's always good to hear back from someone who's managed to get away from an inadequate man and moved on happily.

A hot tap?! You’ve changed Glitter!

In all seriousness, so glad to hear you sounding so happy - epic lodger win too!

Now I have read the whole thread....you go girl ,you made me smile😃..well done x

A boiling water tap in the kitchen where everyone goes?

What a show off

You are doing completely the right thing.
And that kettle had better let me text it when I get out of the tube and make me a cup of tea that is perfectly brewed the minute I arrive through the door. And it should have a babysitter mode where it ensures that I can drink the tea in peace.
Now that might be worth 230£.

Well done! I had a couple of boyfriends like this in my twenties! So, so unsexy. Now they rent houses and fill them with their tens of thousands of labelled 'designer' goods, I mean if it makes them happy, but I'd so much rather be you!

Very glad to hear all is going well, Glitter - sounds like your life is in order! Also v. jealous of the hot tap

When was planning the kitchen and the designer recommended a hot water tap because it's a small kitchen, I did think twice about it because I thought my ex-P would've loved having such a funky and expensive designer gadget

A hot tap?! You’ve changed Glitter!

Seriously why doesn't everyone have 1000 posts per page and highlight the posts by the OP. Very easy to scroll down then whether you're on a phone, the mobile site or a laptop/pc. Not sure about the app though as I don't use it.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?call=Preferences

If it's a big thread, read at minimum first couple and last couple of pages, or search the op's posts .

Well done, op, thanks for updating.

But did you buy nice sheets, Glitter?!

I remember this thread from the summer. Glad things are going so well for you.

Yep, I bought some lovely cotton, high thread count bedding. It's wonderful and aaaaallll mine

A hot tap

Here's a snapshot of your future.
Constant stress to keep on earning at the level you now do so that he can keep spending it.

You are so busy - to continue making that money - so you have no time.
He on the other hand - has so much more free time.
Cue - ' you are not fun anymore, you are always working - you never have any time for me - that is why I had an affair' - not just to boost up the self-confidence he lacks because his wife makes all the money he spends on his mistress/es.

Get out now while you can - because once the children come it is so so much harder to get out.

Been there - lived through that - it does not end well.

Completely understand. DH isn't flash but money used to burn a hole in his pocket. Now 50% comes to me before anything else then he can do what he likes with the rest. Ive always been blunt and straight with him about money and the importance of saving. I sound like my own parents (cringe) but if he were as you described, I would be out the door.

Oh glitter I lurked when you first posted, in stitches over that poxy kettle. So glad you’re doing so well and in your lovely new home. Lodger arrangement sounds like a good one- builder/lodger a bit hunky, or no? Too soon? 😉

Thanks Enrique, needed that!

You should have burst in on him when he was making the fake sex noises and said you thought he must be having a seizure.