I'm going to end my relationship because DP is flash

[GlitterBallSacks]

I've been with DP for three years. We live together and we're getting to that stage where we're thinking about the future. Aside from plans of marriage, children, houses etc., I feel we're fundamentally incompatible with our approach to money. I don't see how we can live a happy and fulfilled life together without one of us compromising hugely

Basically, DP thinks that because we're both "young professionals" we should live a particular sort of lifestyle involving expensive cars, exotic holidays and big houses. He wants people to think we're very well-off.

I think these things are a waste of money and I don't give a shit if people think we're wealthy or not. For the record, we're not all that well-off (more on this below).

Example: Our kettle broke. I saw one for £32 which would go perfectly in our kitchen. He agreed it'd go well but he wanted a top of the range Bugatti kettle costing £230. It wouldn't look as good as my £32 kettle but he wanted it because the expensive one was more "us"

Another example: We went to a wedding. I looked amazing if I do say so myself in a 60s-style dress. When asked where I got it, I replied honestly that it was £3.50 in the Primark sale. He was annoyed that I'd admitted to people I shop in Primark.

Anyhow, he thinks because we're "young professionals" we should have a particular type of lifestyle. Except, he earns less than half what I do. So when he says he wants us to have this lifestyle, what that really means is for him to enjoy that lifestyle which is coming courtesy of my wages. We have a joint account, that was a mistake. However, if we separate accounts I know he'll just put it all on credit card because he's completely desperate to convince people we're loaded.

We've talked, we've rowed, we've cried. I've realised over the last couple of weeks that he's not going to change but I don't want to be in a relationship where this is an issue. I've grown to see how unattractive it is that he's so desperate to impress and I've struggled to find him attractive enough to have sex with.

He knows something's wrong and I know it'll hurt him massively but I need to get out for my own wellbeing.

I don't know why I'm posting. Hand holding maybe.

I too am a young(-ish) professional living on my own and I'm really quite wealthy compared to the general public. ( :) BossyBitch )

My kettle was £25, I just looked up the Amazon receipt. It only cost that much because I wanted a particular colour, and I wanted the matching toaster to be a 2-slice toaster not 4-slice because who needs a 4-slice toaster taking up space when they live on their own?

To be honest, this is terrible but I'm looking forward to being alone

why is it terrible?

Good for you, OP! You've got over the hump of breaking it to him and his drunken behaviour makes any residual guilt much easier to bear. Onwards and upwards! I hope things with your sister resolve in a positive way soon.

Wait until his friends see his sudden drop in spending once youre gone, and realise whose money he was spending, I bet you wont look like such a "skinflint" then!

The thing is, his friends are mostly mutual friends who know there's a disparity in our earning so I don't know who he thinks he's kidding.

Thanks so much for all of your support

I just want to say, Well done.Too often we ignore our feelings and tolerate a relationship which isn't right.I speak from experience and wish I had left relationships before commitment such as marriage and children.Its important to value yourself.

You have made the right decision for you.Good for you.

I dunno, if you get away with it, great.. As in if your income keeps expanding to soak up all the debt, and what is 'us' is no spare cash or options but lots of nice stuff, fair enough, but it's hard to see how kettles etc would achieve that. What is 'us' could very well become being chained to a property, carving half your income to effectively pay for things around you that if you'd had the spare money wouldn't trap you as much and to have no financial freedom.
I do, however understand buying good quality versions of a few things that are carefully thought through or long lasting instead of lots of tat. Eg on a very low income I bought a really good bosch washer dryer, expensive well made practical shoes, and a really good bike. Cheap espresso machines aren't worth it, stove top bialetta is. But bugatti kettles can fuck right off.

Also spartan life but great holidays freedom and food, and choice of houses to buy is better than temporary bling..
But you know some people like that shit.

Hm, I think about £50 would be the max I'd be willing to pay for a kettle. I suppose it depends though on what his income is. You may earn more than him which you note about, but if he has a healthy salary then if it really floats his boat this super duper kettle then ok. But it depends how frequently the high spending to this extent occurs.

Ah champagne tastes, beer money wages, it's the worst combination ever, both sides need to match!! My H is like this about houses and areas and places to live (it's the only thing he is like it about though) my ex boyfriend though was exactly like this, he came from a pretty poor background and it was his way I think of 'showing off'

Ladies , some of the comments on here are hilarious, you have made my evening, I am laughing like a drain!!! Why don't I meet witty , brainy cynics like you in the real world!!

OP nice one
I'd take your money from the joint account though

Know why you're looking forward to being alone - it's blooming marvellous

I feel sorry for him.He lost the most valuable thing he is ever likely to hold -your love

Breaking up with someone is really horrible but sounds like you've absolutely done the right thing.

I earn a lot more than my DP (not hard but he's not working!) but he's naturally more tight frugal than I am so it hasn't caused any issues...yet.

ferando You can't put a price on love and, for him, I would suspect that's a massive drawback

"Apparently he's told his friends that I ended it because I'm a skin flint "
"his friends are mostly mutual friends who know there's a disparity in our earning so I don't know who he thinks he's kidding."

If your mutual friends are worth a damn, they'll know exactly what caused the split.

Best wishes Glitter, you sound very sorted.

I thought I'd update everyone.

I've had an offer accepted on a little house and currently going through conveyancing. I'm expecting a few issues as it's an old house and hasn't much TLC. But I'm excited that it's going to be all mine.

Me and ex-P have still been living together as we wait for the lease to run out on this flat (only another 12 days to go) but it's been really awkward. He stayed over with friends a few times but people are busy and don't want him wallowing all over their houses/flats.

When he's been here we've been keeping out of each other's way as much as possible.

The money side of things seems to be okay although he's telling lots of our mutual friends that I've stolen some shared savings. He hasn't actually raised this with me though or queried anything with the bank/a solicitor, this is all just what I've heard from friends.

A couple of times he's gotten drunk and behaved like a fanny including one time pretending to bring a woman back and doing fake sex noises

Thanks so much for all of your support.

"he's telling lots of our mutual friends that I've stolen some shared savings. "

"He's querying the savings account but (i) it's in my name (ii) pretty much everything in there is from my salary and (iii) I'm leaving the £2,500-ish in the joint account for him even though most of it is rightly mine. "

This is the "stolen shared savings" hes talking about, he means he had access to your savings, which he thought of as his money, and now he doesnt. I would tell him that you are prepared to sit down with him and make sure everyones gotten what they were owed out of the joint account if he feels its unfair - he absolutely wont want to do that because youre already owed more than you took.

What a diamond studded gem of a thread this is OP. Good for you for getting on with getting on and good luck with the new house. You dodged a bullet there.

My kettle was £2.49 from Aldi . It's small black and sleek so perfect for my black granite worktop. It's Only 1000w so takes forever to boil so her name is Patience. I don't care as I only drink coffee and have a Nespresso George Clooney machine!

OP I'm really sorry but am PMSL at 'fake sex noises'. He really is a tool isn't he?!

You, on the other hand, sound cool as fuck. Good on you for choosing the life you want and going after it.

It sounds like he has terribly low self esteem. I would feel exactly the same. My partner used to place a huge emphasis on 'perceived wealth' and buying for happiness. I was on the verge of leaving as it was driving me nuts. By some miracle he realised a few years ago how his behaviour came across and more importantly why these things were so important to him. He has since dulled it down alot so whilst there are occasional 'high end' purchases its nowhere near as bad as is used to be. How's your relationship otherwise?

Whoops that teaches me not to read up to the end. He does sound a tool. Best of luck in your new home - and with your new life

Ditch this loser.
he'll only get worse as he ages.

Wow, he's pathetic.

Good luck with the house