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Original poster

I'm going to end my relationship because DP is flash

352 replies

GlitterBallSacks · 24/07/2017 15:49

I've been with DP for three years. We live together and we're getting to that stage where we're thinking about the future. Aside from plans of marriage, children, houses etc., I feel we're fundamentally incompatible with our approach to money. I don't see how we can live a happy and fulfilled life together without one of us compromising hugely

Basically, DP thinks that because we're both "young professionals" we should live a particular sort of lifestyle involving expensive cars, exotic holidays and big houses. He wants people to think we're very well-off.

I think these things are a waste of money and I don't give a shit if people think we're wealthy or not. For the record, we're not all that well-off (more on this below).

Example: Our kettle broke. I saw one for £32 which would go perfectly in our kitchen. He agreed it'd go well but he wanted a top of the range Bugatti kettle costing £230. It wouldn't look as good as my £32 kettle but he wanted it because the expensive one was more "us" Hmm

Another example: We went to a wedding. I looked amazing if I do say so myself in a 60s-style dress. When asked where I got it, I replied honestly that it was £3.50 in the Primark sale. He was annoyed that I'd admitted to people I shop in Primark.

Anyhow, he thinks because we're "young professionals" we should have a particular type of lifestyle. Except, he earns less than half what I do. So when he says he wants us to have this lifestyle, what that really means is for him to enjoy that lifestyle which is coming courtesy of my wages. We have a joint account, that was a mistake. However, if we separate accounts I know he'll just put it all on credit card because he's completely desperate to convince people we're loaded.

We've talked, we've rowed, we've cried. I've realised over the last couple of weeks that he's not going to change but I don't want to be in a relationship where this is an issue. I've grown to see how unattractive it is that he's so desperate to impress and I've struggled to find him attractive enough to have sex with.

He knows something's wrong and I know it'll hurt him massively but I need to get out for my own wellbeing.

I don't know why I'm posting. Hand holding maybe.

OP posts:
SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 15/01/2018 12:25

Thanks for the update OP, it sounds like you're doing really well. Cheesy or not it's great to hear that you are happier now Flowers

AdoraBell · 15/01/2018 12:26

I’ve only just seen this so haven’t read the entire thread, just wanted to say bloody well done Glitter , you rock.

Cricrichan · 15/01/2018 12:26

Great update glitter.

I've only seen your thread today so was going to say that buying quality stuff because you like it, works better or has a longer life can make sense, buy buying it just because of the label and with the sole purpose of impressing others is a neon insecurity sign.

My ex was lavish and meant that when I went on maternity leave, he racked up credit card debts as he carried on splurging. It ruined my baby/toddler time with my child as we were constantly getting overdraft letters, credit card bills and wasting so much money paying the charges. It also meant that we had to downsize (go from a really nice modern home to a very outdated house that needed doing up but which we couldn't afford to) and I had to go back to work full time a lot earlier than I wanted.

DarthNigel · 15/01/2018 12:28

Yes-time to end it. That sort of Atitude difference between you is quite major and will only get worse as time goes on.
(I think you are right by the way-that sort of keeping up with the Jones's is exhausting and a bit unattractive)

DarthNigel · 15/01/2018 12:29

Oh sorry-just read the update. Good stuff op

Bexter801 · 15/01/2018 12:30

Your going to get given out to for not reading the thread properly!!(see previous comments!) :/

Appuskidu · 15/01/2018 12:32

Great update!

Is he being a bit less flash now he’s got to fund it all himself?

expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 12:39

Fantastic update! Good for you!

Solly76 · 15/01/2018 12:40

First thing is to stop the joint account. I had one with my ex and it was a mistake, a huge mistake. I was by far the greater earner but he was by far the greater spender

Work out who pays what share of bills. Then if he wants to spend £200+ on a bloomin' kettle he can pay for it out of his own account.

It really is important to be on at least a similar page with regards to attitudes to money. Aside from this, is the rest of the relationship good and happy? If so, maybe talk to him and see what is driving this snobbery. Perhaps he has been poor or perceived as poor, and maybe picked on about it. Definitely separate the finances though.

Jaxhog · 15/01/2018 12:45

Separate your finances before you leave him. You don't want to take debts away with you, and he may try to do this.

Unfortunately, a mismatch between financial expectations will only get worse.

Flowerpot1234 · 15/01/2018 12:45

There are three things wrong here:

  1. The financial implications for your life of his flashiness.
  2. The immorality of his flashiness being at your expense.
  3. The character flaw in him which is all about demonstrating wealth to others and showing off.

Three reasons to get out. You sound rather wise OP to see this as a deal breaker, others would ignore this. I'd give him an opportunity to see the damage he is creating and the futility of a life based on other people's "ooooh" (cue the FB obsession). If he cannot wake up and realise what he is doing, it is best you leave.

Knittedfairies · 15/01/2018 12:49

Why do people read the opening post, then just add their three penn'orth to the end....

Bipbopbee · 15/01/2018 12:51

Fantastic update Op! Smile
Hope you are much happier now Flowers

Baffy · 15/01/2018 12:52

Great update OP. I remember this thread, it's good to hear you're doing so well.

Flowerpot1234 · 15/01/2018 12:52

Knittedfairies
Why do people read the opening post, then just add their three penn'orth to the end....

Why do people assume people do this, then come on here all arrogant...

I read the first 7 pages. I didn't have time to read 12 pages, I wanted to commend and help the OP. Criminal isn't it?

Groovee · 15/01/2018 12:53

Glad to hear how your life has moved on x

llangennith · 15/01/2018 12:55

Who got custody of the kettle?Grin

TridentTested · 15/01/2018 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GlitterBallSacks · 15/01/2018 13:01

He kept the bastarding ugly kettle. I've been using a Tesco Value one since I moved in but I'm having a new kitchen soon and getting a hot water tap. Now who's flash Grin Blush

OP posts:
Chugalug · 15/01/2018 13:01

Make sure you stop your wedges going in the joint account before you end it...make sure he can't run up amassive overdraft that your left with...try to go back to separate bank accounts ,before you end it,just in case he spends the lot

Chugalug · 15/01/2018 13:02

I've not read the whole thread,clearly I should of done...but it was 12 pages long and I've only got 10 mins ...

Jaxinthebox · 15/01/2018 13:04

well I have just read the whole 12 pages!

Glad you are free, got your own house and are happy with your kettle. Grin

glitterballsacks . New Year, how you doing?

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2018 13:04

Chug it was the word 'wedges' that had me literally LOL!!!!

ItsNachoCheese · 15/01/2018 13:08

Glad you are happier now glitterballsacks and have many years of use from your "oh so flash" hot tap. Who needs a bugatti kettle anyway they are so last year 😂😂

Darcychu · 15/01/2018 13:11

oh god that's so cringey!! I would be put off sex as well ! If i was you OP i would leave and go live the nice simple lifestyle and save the change instead :D plus isn't it better to live a normal simple lifestyle but be able to save to give your children the life you want for them, or to pay for the wedding/honeymoon of your dreams etc etc, all the other stuff is so materialistic! I would much rather save for any future problems than spend an extra £200 on a KETTLE!