I'm going to end my relationship because DP is flash

[GlitterBallSacks]

I've been with DP for three years. We live together and we're getting to that stage where we're thinking about the future. Aside from plans of marriage, children, houses etc., I feel we're fundamentally incompatible with our approach to money. I don't see how we can live a happy and fulfilled life together without one of us compromising hugely

Basically, DP thinks that because we're both "young professionals" we should live a particular sort of lifestyle involving expensive cars, exotic holidays and big houses. He wants people to think we're very well-off.

I think these things are a waste of money and I don't give a shit if people think we're wealthy or not. For the record, we're not all that well-off (more on this below).

Example: Our kettle broke. I saw one for £32 which would go perfectly in our kitchen. He agreed it'd go well but he wanted a top of the range Bugatti kettle costing £230. It wouldn't look as good as my £32 kettle but he wanted it because the expensive one was more "us"

Another example: We went to a wedding. I looked amazing if I do say so myself in a 60s-style dress. When asked where I got it, I replied honestly that it was £3.50 in the Primark sale. He was annoyed that I'd admitted to people I shop in Primark.

Anyhow, he thinks because we're "young professionals" we should have a particular type of lifestyle. Except, he earns less than half what I do. So when he says he wants us to have this lifestyle, what that really means is for him to enjoy that lifestyle which is coming courtesy of my wages. We have a joint account, that was a mistake. However, if we separate accounts I know he'll just put it all on credit card because he's completely desperate to convince people we're loaded.

We've talked, we've rowed, we've cried. I've realised over the last couple of weeks that he's not going to change but I don't want to be in a relationship where this is an issue. I've grown to see how unattractive it is that he's so desperate to impress and I've struggled to find him attractive enough to have sex with.

He knows something's wrong and I know it'll hurt him massively but I need to get out for my own wellbeing.

I don't know why I'm posting. Hand holding maybe.

Can you go into your room and make 'fake packing noises'?

Well it would make me chuckle.

Your new house sounds exciting!!

Certainly dodged a bullet.

The money thing is outrageous.
I can understand you don't particularly want to rock the boat just now, but you really need to tackle it.
Don't speak to him, it's pointless. But do make sure that if anyone says any more, that you laugh hollowly and say 'as if'.

telling lots of our mutual friends that I've stolen some shared savings

Ah. that'll be him setting up for explaining why he's not so flash when he's not using your money.

" he's telling lots of our mutual friends that I've stolen some shared savings."
Right, you need to knock this on the head ASAP. Drop the word on what is actually going on to two or three of your mutual friends. You can do it in a fairly low-key way. They're obviously telling you he's saying this, next time (or three) respond along the lines of:

"Pfft! Shared savings? I don't think so! You know what he is like with money, goes though it at high speed. Those savings were made by ME. Shared savings my arse ..."

And you need to raise it with him, since he certainly won't. I would be pointing out very firmly that calling you a thief is slander, and if there's any more of this nonsense you will consider taking action.

Tosser.

Well, he saw your money as his money to spend as he saw fit without asking, or even when you objected, so the savings in YOUR name that YOU made would still appear to him to be "his" too, so somehow in his silly warped little mind he can justify saying you've stolen your own money from him. Total dick.

Yep I'd go ahead and say well if he wants everything fair, you'll take half of the joint account then. That'll shut him up I bet.

Dodged a bullet there OP. Well done.

Well done and good luck for your new home

Seems like you've checked out well and truly. Good for you. Such a shame a person has these appearance issues. I've read your thread from the start and often wonder how many people live beyond their means to impress.

He'll either get himself into bad debt or at some point when he needs a new kettle and doesn't have your cash, will he buy a £15 kettle or whack a £200 one on a card.

I literally find it pathetic when I can see people trying to impress me with expensive things.

I feel sad for the kettle. Can you not take it with you OP?! After all, once you leave and withdraw your funds, it will have no more posh companions. Imagine it sitting all orange, alone and dismal next to a Tesco own brand coffee maker. It's like sending your daughter to finishing school, only for her to turn around and marry a bricklayer. Its too much to be borne! You have to save it OP, only you can afford to keep it in the manner it's become accustomed to.

Hadron Oh no, you've made me feel completely guilty now. Poor kettle. I might ask for shared custody.

I officially moved out yesterday. I'd anticipated all sorts of bollocks about the furniture and who should get what and I'd previously suggested selling it all and splitting the money which he wasn't keen on.

But, it turns out all the horrible shiny furniture he really loves, I don't want and all the lovely, antique, painted furniture I love, he doesn't want. Win win.

We ended up splitting other things like cutlery, crockery, bedding etc. down the middle so we've both ended up either with half a set of everything (e.g. we've got three plates each) or a full set of one thing but nothing of something else (e.g. I've got a full set of mugs but no bed sheets).

It was painful to do the sorting out as it definitely feels like the end. As I said upthread, I did (do?) love him and at one point I did envisage spending my life with him. However, while sorting out our stuff was sad it also felt like a relief and a new beginning.

He was alright during the sorting out. We had one row and I told him he needed to stop telling people I'd stolen money. He didn't know I knew about that and was very sheepish and apologised. Then he begged me not to leave. Then he made a pass at me. Otherwise, fine. I didn't mention the sex noises- I'm keeping that one in the bank in case he turns nasty in future.

I've got everything in storage while I wait for my house to go through- all looks good and should have the key in the early part of September.

I'm currently staying at my friend's house while her and her DP are on holiday for a week. When they get back, I'm staying in a colleagues' half-converted loft until the house is all finalised.

Thanks so much for all of your support!

xx

"was very sheepish and apologised. Then he begged me not to leave. Then he made a pass at me."

I'm sorry but this did make me giggle, it's like all his last gasps at once.

Wait you have the mugs but no sheets?! But you said you loved those cotton sheets!

Bloody well done Glitter. You rock.

Full set of mugs but no sheets is better than half a set of anything IMO.

Agree Trills. My ex was so anal about splitting things exactly equally that we ended up with one Sauvignon glass and one champagne glass each. Frankly I would have preferred a pair of whichever.

splendid I did love the sheets but he, like INFP ex wanted to split everything down the middle so I'd have probably ended up with three pillow cases and a bed sheet

Plus, I didn't really want the sheets we'd slept and shagged in. I want to go and buy my own.

Storm That's kind of what it felt like. When he made a pass at me and I said "no" and pushed him away, he looked hurt and then said "Oh, go on" as I'm going to be like "Oh, okay, you've convinced me"

op, I saw this today and thought of your situation!

www.groupon.co.uk/deals/bugatti-kettle-and-toaster-set

Hope all is going well with you now :)

Good luck ...very excited for your new future

Contessa that toaster is really ugly. Make a good end of relationship present for OP's dp though!

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but someone just recognised me on another thread so I thought I'd come and update.

I've been living in my little house for about three months now. It needs lots of work but I've taken in a lodger who's a builder so he's basically doing everything for me in exchange for rent-free living for six months. It's working really well- we're both pathetically grateful to each other

I've seen ex-P around quite a bit because we have lots of mutual friends. When we first broke up he went a bit weird - lots of cryptic boasting about epic amounts of sex he was allegedly having and lots of memes about freedom, honesty, self-care etc. I think the implications were that I'd been constraining/containing his free-spirit for years. This coupled with a fair few sobbing phone calls him telling me he loved me and couldn't live without me.

Anyway, things have settled down now and if we see each other around, we have a little chat and it's all fine. If we see each other on a night out (only happened twice since we broke up), I tend to say "hi" but then avoid him for the night as he's a weird guy when he's been drinking. I don't really drink much so it's easy to navigate.

Meanwhile, my sister's life is chaos and I'm dipping in and out of her issues which is taking a lot of time and head-space. However, I've been able to identify my "limits" (what I'm willing to put up with) and have told her that I won't go beyond that. She's alright but she'll always be a mess and need support.

But, overall, I'm doing well and completely loving being single. I'm much happier than when I was in a relationship with ex-P. It's freeing not to think about money. I feel as though I'm living my life, and making decisions, for me. Sounds very cheesy but I don't know how else to explain it.

Awwww I'm glad you was able to follow your plans through to end your relationship and come out the other side happy

Great update OP.
Your current living arrangement sounds perfect.
I think that's what I need!
I love being single as well.
It's very freeing and liberating.
Onward and upwards.
Well done!

I'd close the joint account asap,and ask him what's more important,keeping up appearances or you?

Seriously @Bexter801 RTFT.

Lovely update OP

@Bexter801 have you read any of this thread? It was in July and she's left him

Oh whoops,sorry my bad! Well hope she's happy :)