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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mystery WhatsApp conversation

563 replies

Foundwantingalways · 24/07/2017 07:33

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

OP posts:
adifferentnameforthis · 24/07/2017 21:33

Just sending love and support

He is an utter utter prick

One day, you will be a million times happier without him in your life

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 24/07/2017 21:39

Oh Found what a total and utter arsehole... I'm so sorry... I hope the OW gets her just desserts too!!!

saffronwblue · 24/07/2017 21:45

Oh I'm sorry OP, I was hoping it was all nothing. Just get through a day at a time and keep looking after yourself.

Tinkie25 · 24/07/2017 21:47

Sorry to hear he's been cheating. What an arsehole. 💐💐

tattychicken · 24/07/2017 21:58

So sorry. I did RTFT and missed the post about your daughter. Thank fuck you've got your Mum around. Have a large 🍷 and just survive for now.

Foundwantingalways · 24/07/2017 22:43

Thank you everyone, I am strangely calm, hoping to sleep tonight. X

OP posts:
CookieLady · 24/07/2017 22:54

FlowersWine Stay strong.

CalmItKermitt · 24/07/2017 22:59

Good for you op.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 24/07/2017 23:06

I'm so sorry. What's his sad excuse then - she needed someone and it just happened? Then happened again?

It's the lying and gas lighting that would fuck me off more than anything.

You cheat? You've been vile but be a decent human being and own up.

Flowers
mortificado · 24/07/2017 23:11

Stay strong,what an absolute shitbag he is.
What ever your outcome with your test tomorrow I wish you the best. If it is positive, you'll be a fantastic mum, with or without him.
Wine for you until tomorrow Wink

TokenGinger · 24/07/2017 23:38

What a utter twat.

TokenGinger · 24/07/2017 23:38

He made me so mad I even used incorrect grammar!

An*

MrsMozart · 24/07/2017 23:49

I'm so sorry lass. He's a complete shit.

urbanrock · 24/07/2017 23:55

What a complete shithead.

WhiskyIrnBru · 25/07/2017 00:05

So sorry OP. Fucking bastard. Flowers

toffeeboffin · 25/07/2017 00:11

Keep it real and be thankful you found out.

Some men are just utter fucking idiots.

Foundwantingalways · 25/07/2017 05:10

I've had a grand total of two hours sleep. He's stopped texting, thank God, I was getting tired of the way he constantly mistyped 'love' (live and lieve are two examples) yet managed to get all the other words in his stupid texts correctly spelled. Guess that's a sign Hmm. So I've read the Mumsnet script and am prepared for the next few stages... He's already said he has no plans to be with her (love that! So he's not fully ruling it out or anything) but I imagine that the shacking up stage won't be long away, if it hasn't happened already. I am still calm despite the lack of sleep but I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days /weeks. And the test. What if I am pregnant? That's going round and round in my head, what the hell will I do?

OP posts:
Ginger782 · 25/07/2017 05:25
Flowers It doesn't matter. If you are pregnant, deal with that when the test is done. You can't decide until you know. Deal with what you know right now. Brew
Foundwantingalways · 25/07/2017 05:26

I have managed to get the day off work. (we work in the same building, the OW is an ex colleague who thankfully doesn't work there any more) and my dad is going to take my dd to nursery this morning. I don't know what to tell her, she's only 4. She knows daddy has really upset mummy and has gone out for a sleepover but that's it, when do I tell her he won't be back? All this shit he's left me with. I had to beg him not to leave before he told me who the ow was, he made me beg. He couldn't get out of the house quickly enough. After all we've been through. Sorry for rambling, it's just good to get this out of my head and on screen. I have been rereading this thread so often just to make me remember that you guys have been through this and know what it's like.

OP posts:
Foundwantingalways · 25/07/2017 05:29

And the support you've shown me, I am so low but I'm glad that I have at least this thread to rant on and cry over

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 25/07/2017 05:29

Don't rush to "announce" anything to DD, just take your time, take today one hour at a time.

You've had an awful shock x

Ginger782 · 25/07/2017 05:30

That's good - your DD will I'm sure be happy to spend some time with your dad and it sounds like your parents are ready to be there and hands on so I'm thinking they will help with DD more this evening if you aren't up to it? So DD is taken care of, work is taken care of. Make yourself a healthy breakfast even if you aren't very hungry. Flowers

Bluebellforest1 · 25/07/2017 05:32

You're still in shock found. What a twat he is texting you all night, trying to wriggle out of it. Take it easy on yourself for the next few days, deal with what you have to, but don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself. Good luck for today, is your mum in a friend able to be with you?

Bellatrixandstrange · 25/07/2017 05:40

You are an amazing woman. To have kept it together for your daughter the way you have is admirable. If you're pregnant then that baby is lucky to have you as a mummy.

Foundwantingalways · 25/07/2017 05:40

My mum is coming over today, and my friend is popping in later, I'm lucky to have some support from them. They've been great. I just can't stop thinking about how I'm going to deal with it all and how the hell we'll manage. There's so much to think about, I am trying really hard not to panic about it all.

OP posts: