Mystery WhatsApp conversation

[Foundwantingalways]

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

Good luck for tomorrow

You may still get your chance OP, to tell him about the consequences of his actions, but for now, close it all down and give him nothing.

That's far worse on him. He's possibly expecting the backlash and has a bank of pitiful justifications ready - some probably blaming you.

And, at some stage, the begging. Followed by the anger at being caught out and having his cosy arrangements spoiled. He WILL blame you. Give him nothing. Do not share anything about the way you feel because that'll be his cue to start his script.

Write it all down - in a letter, keep writing every thought, every emotion down on paper, and keep it. Don't send it.

He doesn't deserve to be in your life.

Like Math said, keep busy to distract yourself. De-clutter, take up knitting or baking, discover new recipes, ANYTHING to distract your mind.

This man is your enemy and he has betrayed you and your lovely daughter in the worst possible way. He has jeopardised your health and has thought nothing of lying to you.

Give him nothing at all.
You are doing so well OP - be proud of your dignity.

You'll get your chance on the divorce papers.

You have to evidence why you're petitioning (if indeed you do petition him for divorce) and seeing yiurvreasons succinctly listed in black and white, to be recorded for however long can be quite satisfying.

Save your energies now. Coast. Do what you need to do to get by.

Then hammer him when the opportunity arises.

Agree with others. Texts ...don't answer them unless they are to do with your dd contact arrangements. When talking to him and he starts on anything other than your dd arrangements "I don't wish to talk about that" repeat and repeat. Give nothing that opens up an opportunity for him to blather on or forces you to expose how you feel. Reserve those discussion for people for care about you and will listen without trying to excuse his behaviour.

So, historically sister came to pick up dd. She was very understanding and was upset on my behalf, I kept my cool and simply said when asked about future access that I would think about things and be in contact for them. She has promised to bring dd back just after lunch, in the meantime the bastard has given her a list of things he needs me to send over. Mainly tablet and phone charger... Yeah I'll bet. Better effect from the pictures on a larger screen

Not historically! Stupid phone

And thank you all again. You are keeping me strong and sane

You are handling this horrific situation with such dignity. Stay strong, I know it is hard but you will be much, much better off without him.x

you are handling this brilliantly found

OK, need some advice sharpish! I've just had a quick look at the tablet and there's a few ass porn sites been visited over the last few months, he must not have cleared the long term history. I am very tempted to visit one of the sites on the tablet, then just pop it on standby so it comes up when he turns it on later... What do you think? I don't want to to inflame things, not out of any sympathy for him, but I don't want him to get to the angry stage too quickly in case he starts withholding money or something. Bloody tempting though to show him that I know his little secrets.

No dont do that. Tou have done nothing to st your ducks in a row. I can guarantee he will act more quickly than you. Dont give him the upper hand.

It depends how you feel about porn and if he knew your stance on it. I don't think watching porn has anything to do with the affair, really. DH watches porn alone, I watch porn alone, we watch porn together. I really don't see the harm in it.

However if he knew you were very against him watching porn then that's a separate issue.

Don't, it just makes you look petty cos porn doesn't = affair. If you want his reaction to be a snort of derision then do it, but not otherwise.

No, I know it's not a good idea, I won't do it. It's just really explicit stuff, not something he's ever really talked to me about, I just get angry thinking he was getting off on this stuff with his ow texting him similar. He's a bastard but I'll keep what I know quiet.

You have amazing restraint. Well done op.

Don't do anything that will make you come across as anything that's not refined, controlled and in charge x

Well done OP, keep calm, you are doing so well

Hope your dd had a positive time and that you are ok

Thank you, just waiting for them to come home now! I've been shopping and done lots round the house so this afternoon will just be able to concentrate on dd x

Hope DD is back safe and sound, and your okay OP

Dd had a great time today. ExP has stayed away and not ready been in contact either. I know I should be pleased or relieved but I am feeling so lonely and low tonight. My mum thinks that I should see my doc tomorrow and have a chat with them, I'm not sure what they can do to help. I don't want to take anything, I just want this all to go away.

Just wanted to echo pps how strong you have been today (and throughout) and offer a handhold

Thank you

Small steps. Time is a huge help. Start new routines. Get some fun activities on calendar for you and DD to do together. Make new memories and take new photos