Mystery WhatsApp conversation

[Foundwantingalways]

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

Thinking of you today OP.

Please remember though, you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. He has.

You will get through this. You will. It's a marathon, not a sprint, but you will get there. That said, try not to focus on that so much. It's a day by day process of being kind to yourself and drawing on the support from your friends and family. The dark days may make it difficult for you to see any light, but it is there. Your light is your DD and your future. You have a future and you will be happy again.

Oh op. He just gets worse and worse. Sending love.

Bless you OP. Sounds like you're handling this really well. It's not the same, but just wanted to say I was in the position of having to get STD checks after finding out my ex-partner had been cheating on me. He'd also mentioned a 'phase' (his words) he went through for 2 weeks in his late teens of trying gay sex. Given his talent for lying I had no idea whether this was true or not but I felt really embarrassed going in for the checks and have to say staff were all so lovely and understanding. Definitely just go and tell the truth- as others have said you've done absolutely nothing wrong xxx

So sorry to come back for an update and find out the bad news, OP.

Stay strong - well done for testing the OW and letting her know she can have him. Sloppy seconds, I'd say!

It won't feel like it now, but you will look back on this one day (snuggled up with a gorgeous fella) and laugh at how insignificant he really is. You've got a lovely DD to cherish, and I don't think it's too late to think about having another, when the time comes.

Texting* rather.

So sorry op. While I suspected he was cheating I still hoped he wasn't.

He's a shit! Esp putting you and possibly a baby's health at risk. Bloody selfish prick!!

Sti check, legal & financials sorted ASAP (guilt doesn't stop them doing other shitty things mine emptied the joint account and I've heard several others do same).

While yes don't go out of your way to bad mouth her dad to dd, don't lie to her either. I made the mistake of thinking to protect dd from what ex had done and she figured it out for herself (sex ed time baby's take 9 months, her brother born only 7 months after we split, she did the maths). And was angry at me for a while for not being honest and preparing her. I do regret that. Me and her are ok but she has no relationship with her father (not just because of this, he's been a shit dad all round)

Take whatever support you can get and don't be hard on yourself, single parenting is hard.

Op you have plenty of time left to have another dc!! I met my dh after an awful marriage and had ds at 43. . .
Best wishes for your new life. .

I'm so sorry OP. Hope you're doing ok.

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry, what a horrible thing to discover. Well done you for being strong and keeping going with life in the best possible way. Although I know it won't feel like this right now, I absolutely promise that this ending will open up space in your life for something much, much better to come in your future.

Oh OP, what an awful awful thing that's happened to you. I've been in your shoes and it's so hard and you'll still be in shock and anger. Do the immediately hard stuff now, while you're like this, the house, finances, dd contact etc so you have that sorted for when shock wears off. Then look after you and dd, as top priority.
When I was tested and then found out my twat ex gave me an STD I broke down in the nurses room, I felt disgusting and felt like the nurse was going to be judgemental because she probably heard 'my ex cheated and that's how I got it' everyday! She wasn't at all and was very supporting, and reminded me that even though I was going through such a bad time, I'd been the responsible one getting tested - as are you.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this, and though I'm by no means out of the woods it DOES get better, a day at a time.
Thinking of you OP and hoping you also have RL support at this time x

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of sweetie. Trust me the only judgement that will be made will all be towards that cowardly wank stain. Please don't be hard on yourself, you did NOTHING wrong xx

You will get through this OP and you will be better off without the cheating shit. Your emotions are going to be all over the place - that's okay and that's normal. Many of us have been down this road, and felt what you have felt. You are not alone and you and your DD will be fine. Get everything in your favour signed that you possibly can while he is still reeling.

So very sorry OP, I was really hoping you would be wrong on this one and there'd be an explanation.
You will get through this OP. It may not feel like it now but he has no right to put you through this when you have been through so much already xx

I am so sorry OP , you come across as so strong. As others have said you will get through it, hope you're doing OK x

I really do feel for you, but you sound strong and level headed, and you have a huge amount support here x

This is not your fault. Keep telling yourself that.

I have every sympathy but be careful that you are not using his daughter as a pawn. Changing her surname and you wanting to minimise contact in the future. Why would you do that if she has a great relationship with him and loves her daddy.

Concentrate on your family hone and finances for now.

Best of luck.

I think op meant that she wanted to minimise her own contact with him.

I hope so.

Good luck OP.

Please tell me you don't mean this
But I want to minimise contact with him in future and if I don't need his permission to take her on holiday etc that's better for me.

Hurting your daughter to get back at you sonofabitch husband is very off. Please reconsider.

Neutrogena - I think OP means minimising contact between herself and her ex rather than with her daughter...

I just read this thread and it broke my heart.

OP - you've been phenomenal. So sorry you're going through such a terrible time.

Why are all these feckless people out there? It's so unfair.

Calm down Neutrogena. I'm sure OP just means it will be one less issue that she'll need to go begging him about each time her and DD want to go on holiday. I doubt she's planning on cutting him out of her DD's life, but most likely it will be OP dealing with the bulk of the child-related stuff, as is typical. So she should make it as easy for herself as she can and having the surname of her primary carer is important.

That's exactly what it, it's important to me that she has a good relationship with him but I don't want to have to deal with him any more than I have to! He's been full of remorse and excuses again today, I am waiting impatiently to skip to the bit where he starts to blame me! I have booked an appointment with a solicitor for Monday. I have to brave work tomorrow, he will be there but hopefully will stay the hell away from me. I'm sure the gossip has got around by now though so I'm bracing for looks and comments

It's been going on for 15 months by the way. I'm such a mug, why didn't I know earlier.