30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Waffle away Im. We need to heal.

Waffle on everyone

I really hope mine is bawling his eyes out every day

Wow pls, that FB message was pretty cruel. What a shit.

Haha I hope he is Molly. They don't know a good thing til it's gone.

Mine turned up tonight out of the blue just after I finished bathing the kids. He had a wimpering sorry look on his face when I answered the door. I was like the ice queen.

Only reason he came round was to pick up his phone charger he left and his work bag. I handed both over to him being the hard face cow I am. He asked to see the kids. I let him see them til they went to bed. Then he left.

Wish he didn't turn up out of the blue but he couldn't let me know as his phone battery had died and the charger was at my house. I was civil but cold to him. About the best he can expect from me right now.

For real molly we're all healing. I know mine won't be bawling his eyes out yet - he genuinely believes that he's right and i'm the one who screwed him over. But I really hope in time he realises what he could have had. To make you all laugh, we are talking about a 49 year old man child. He doesn't have a job, lays on the sofa all day playing playstation or watching telly till the evening when he goes to the pub and sings a bit of karaoke. What the hell do I see in him??? Why do I still want him so bad???

You're under his spell pls. It's the way that you know they are bad for you yet you don't want it to be true so you convince yourself they could really want to be with you and have a proper partnership and treat you with respect. They seldom do. But like the addict we end up craving whatever but if attention they do give us hoping it will lead to the real thing.

Chin up pls you'll get through this

Day 7 for me tomorrow
It's been horrible thus far

Well done Molly - stay strong. List all the reasons why it would never work and refer back to it when you get any urge to contact. Or call a good friend and have a natter. Anything that takes your mind off the temptation to contact him.

I really dont think I can do this. It hurts too much. I keep thinking about the way he looked at me like I was the only person in the world. How he told me he waited 20 years for me and wasnt about to give up now. The things he said. I really felt wanted for the first time in such a long time. I cant believe that its over. I cant deal with him not being the person i thought he was for so long. Please tell me this gets easier???

Also, I know that mine will have gone on an alcohol free month aided by a trip with friends and an overseas business trip.
Plenty to keep him occupied whilst I just sit here 😞😭

Keep strong everyone
Had an epic shit day
But hearing everyone is supporting each other is helping
Just trying to think; there will be good days and bad days
If we can get through the bad days then there will be more and more good days

I've been stuck in the vicous circle for long enough to know it's just a vicous circle

to everyone

God this is sooo shit!! I'm a bit drunk and remembering all the songs i sent him when drunk yesterday!! I was such a twat - offering him everything in return for nothing, But it still wasnt enough. I miss him. I know that makes me weak. But wtf do i dooo???

Hello from France. Can I join in please?

After a handful of short relationships over the past few months (two and a half years after my husband left me) I met someone who, for the first time, had potential for something more than a fling. We were equal and compatible in many ways. I was, however, aware that the trauma he suffered from a long drawn-out and nasty break up with his longterm partner had really marked him and I was also aware that like many ambitious professionals working in a male dominated field he wouldn't be reaching out to his doctor for help. I told myself that as long as we communicated and shared good times and that he did not run away I would be happy.

A few months in all was progressing well until the first night I slept at his house and then I saw a different side to him.

It breaks my heart as I can see a good, highly intelligent and talented man who wants to do the right thing and with who I've shared some beautiful times. There is, however, another side of him who seems to want more than one woman at the time (he's still on the OLD site where we met), who, out of hatred for his ex, despises the female gender and who appears to prefer blaming the other person for everything which might go wrong. He has told me he thinks I'm amazing and adores me but that my zest for life is like a bull in a china shop at a time when he feels lost and confused.

So, I'm cutting my losses but it's so hard as I'm finding it difficult to untangle the amazing, the good and the downright impossible to live with. I keep thinking about how I could have done things better but really I should be remembering that his behaviour is not conducive to a healthy relationship and that if he chooses to hide behind short-lived relationships with women rather than getting help he'll never be able to move on from his past.

Our final contact was last Wednesday.

ThisIs run run run while you can please

He sounds like someone who would rip your heart to shreds, and then politely apologise, ThisIs

Wow it really is amazing how many of these 'men' are out there, isn't it?

Its been 24 hours since the last message I received off him and even longer since I contacted him. So thats Day 1 done.

Day 2 plans include not getting drunk and wallowing in self pity again!

An alcohol free day ahead for me too Pls

I really need to get my head together. I'm sick of myself already and it's only been a week.

Thank you so much ojojoj1 and Molly It's so good to read your messages which clearly express what my clouded mind already knows and I'm determined to stick to my guns.

Good luck to you all today as we navigate these stormy seas together.

The amount of self centred idiots you come across on daily basis is just beyond joke .

Really hope I turn a corner soon. Its one week today since we broke up.
I drank too much wine at the weekend which has left me feeling v low and anxious.

Yes, ojojoj1! Exactly. This ex man of mine is, the majority of the time, a self-centred victim without the sense to seek help to become healthy minded again.

I sympathise Molly. A friend of mine gave me a shiatsu session the other day and I went to see my doctor (big step for me) to admit I was feeling low and anxious. The chat which ensued was helpful as were the plant and mineral pills she prescribed me to boost my energy levels. A friend urged me to seek help... that I couldn't do it all myself. My father is very frail and death is imminent so I need to be strong for my family, my children and my work.

Could vitamins or a massage or something similar help you feel stronger and more relaxed?

So sorry about your Dad ThisIs

You were v wise to reach out for help. I'm feeling a little more rational now (and I've popped a vitb tablet!)
I just need to rally a bit, and then get myself very, very busy.

Day 4 here and I'm beginning to crack.

Don't do it DoI

You'll only set yourself back. Bad as I might be feeling, there's no way in hell that I'd contact. I'm too proud and hurt

How did your date go?? That was you, wasn't it? Sorry if I've mixed you up with somebody else!