30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

I wish there was a data base of arseholes that they are on OLD websites

It would be so much easier just to match the face to fuck up and never touch it with barge pole

Date went well but all I could think about was him.

Thing is he's not an arse - I really don't think he is. We're both survivors of very bad relationships. I miss him so much.

I need to run something by you all. I cant't get over the guilt I feel about this and I can't seem to forgive myself.

The last day I saw him was last Monday. He had been really really nasty to me via messenger but said he was sorry and needed to see me in person to apologise. Obviously I got the next train to him . We both drink far too much and he reminded me that the last time I had seen him I'd got drunk very quickly so we decided that he was pouring my drinks only, so we were drinking at the same level.

Anyway, and this is embarrassing, it transpired a few days later that I had got very drunk. I had started the evening telling him I wanted commitment and wanted to meet his mum and his daughter, and ended it saying that I still loved my husband. I also had to ask him if we'd had sex cos I couldn't remember . I know I hurt him. I dont remember enough about the evening to know how much he is twisting the truth. I know in my head that he makes me into that person - thats really not me - but I cant get over the fact that I hurt him. That this is all my fault. Anyone got any views? Dont worry, I'm thick skinned now xxx

Dol maybe you're just not ready? Mine was/is a bad person. But that doesnt mean they all are obviously. You're healing. Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. You will get through this xx

I dreamt about him . It was lovely dream about lovely person I thought he was it's hard crash and come back to reality

ojoj thats tough. I keep dreaming about him too. Sometimes they're nice dreams about how amazing it 'should' have been and sometimes they're nasty twisted dreams about how it really was/would have been. Your brain is processing it all. Its a good thing - part of moving forward.

Day 3 for me today. Lets see what it brings.

Day 10 here

We broke up last Tuesday. Last contact was last Wednesday so its a week officially today

Yesterday was absolutely dire. But I did force myself out & engaged a bit socially. Even if I felt dead inside.

I really don't want too many more days like that. Where's my anger? Where's my sense of Screw This??

Aaaarggh!!!

ojoj I've had some lovely dreams about my ex too and been gutted when I've woken up and realised that it's not real 😕

So I'm into day three of no contact. Miss him like crazy but keep thinking of how mean and thoughtless he was towards me and that I don't want someone in my life who treats me like that. It's his mums wedding today, we were meant to be going as a family of 7 but we're not. I hope it pours down ALL DAY. (They were all blind to him and treated me like dirt when we split). Well done all of you, were doing well!

Lol newname
Mine is going on a walking holiday tomorrow. I hope it rains - BIBLICALLY and relentlessly from beginning to end. 🌂

Day 5 for me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up on his doorstep this evening. I'm having a second date with a seemingly very nice man, but I'm using him as a distraction. I'm a horrible person.

DoI You will not be better off for it. Don't go to him. You are not a horrible person, you a person dealing with something horrible. Enjoy your date, even if you do think its just a distraction. It really doesnt matter. Do what you need to do to get through this. I can't imagine ever wanting to go on a date again ever atm. Even as a distraction. I feel so empty and numb. It will get better though

Seconding PlsTry's post! Stay away from him and maintain 100% radio silence.

Have fun on the date DoI and I think you are a marvel for going on one at all. You most certainly are NOT a horrible person. It is just really hard right now. Better days are coming.

Molly - haha we should do some kind of 'rain dance', might google...

Dol - you are not horrible at all. It's what I did a few weeks after originally splitting with ex. The date has ended up being a great confidante even though he had since moved over the side of the country!

My resolve was strong this morning. Now I've just cried. I genuinely think he was 'the one'. I'm trying to think logically but am struggling. My mum rang and asked if I wanted to go visit my sister as she's in hospital. I just can't. I was in a clinic last week to start the abortion and I can't go near anywhere like that. I must look so selfish.

PlsTry - that's what we need to keep telling ourselves. It will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

And finally the anger is here!! I've been thinking again about what I posted yesterday afternoon. I made one bloody mistake fgs!! I got drunk and said some hurtful things and I accept that but I'm not the first one to ever do something like that!! And he's done as bad if not worse to me in the past. Plus, sorry for TMI, but if I allegedly hurt him that much on Monday night, why did he let me erm......do stuff to him in the morning?!? And why would he wait 3 days before he mentioned it?? And I literally couldn't have apologised more when he told me. I even offered to tell my H if it helped him see I was serious!! I actually hate him right now. I can't believe I fell for it so hard and for so long. Sorry for the waffle again.

newname you're doing amazingly. I can't imagine what you've been through. Cry, scream do what you need to do. You're body and your mind need to heal as well as yout heart. Don't be so hard on yourself. It doesn't matter what other people think. You don't need to justify yourself.

Just feeling depressed today
Glad you've got your anger Pls
I just feel sad he hasn't tried to contact me, which I know is good. And it means the vicous cycle is ending.
I guess I've been addicted to him always coming back and love bombing me.
It's hard to let that go

Ohh Gin - that was me earlier. I've been so scared that he's going to get in touch. I'm finding NC quite easy as long as he doesn't get in touch with me. I know I'll struggle then. But I really didn't think he'd let me go this easily. I know its twisted and unhealthy and toxic, but I'm so used to him getting me back. It kind of hurts that he doesn't. The anger is a lot easier to deal with tbh. I hope it lasts.

Just have this aching feeling that when push came to shove I just wasn't good enough to be with and that he's happier without me.
I feel angry sometimes. But mainly just unbearably sad

And he has been in touch, just in such a matter of fact work way. He probably is much happier without me

And you will be happier without him. Maybe not now, but you will. I know exactly what you mean, I think did I really mean that little to him.......but we can end this now. However good the good was, it didnt make up for the bad. Try and find your anger, it really does help. FTR, I dont think I will always feel like this. I know I'm going to go back to the sad person I was earlier but I'm making the most of it while it lasts

Ginlovinglady Sun 16-Jul-17 12:46:59
I think the push and pull of an narcissist is the hardest thing
It makes you feel like a drug addict.
I feel quite often I am an addict getting the small hit and then feeling the massive low after
Mine "wants me to be happy"
If he truly did he wouldn't treat me like this!
It destroys your self worth and I am determined not to let him take anymore of me.
Narcissists cannot bear you to let go. They can't handle rejection
So we have to be extra strong if we thing they have those traits

Thanks! I need to remind myself of that