30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Hi newname and anyone other new people
happy I think it's down to the situation- do you think he will try to contact you?
I haven't bothered blocking as I know he won't contact me
I haven't brought myself to delete our whatsapp yet 😞

Back in March, I ditched the guy I was seeing (functioning alcoholic with lots of issues). I asked for no contact but every other week he would drop me a text - one was telling me how much he missed me. I got back with him (end of April) in more of a casual relationship - he became less communicative and more of an arsehole and finally last week I ditched him again. I've blocked him on my what'sapp, deleted his number, removed all messages and pictures and actually feel an amazing sense of relief. Definitely over him this time.

So what I am saying is - getting someone back usually means more of the same crap (even if it starts off with an improvement). Get rid of the person who doesn't know how to treat you like a decent human being and find someone who wants to be with you.

Good luck people! You can do it! x

Today is my day 7 feeling much better I managed to eat a bit today so not so drastic also went for a walk in a park in the morning instead of lying in bed with tears running down my cheeks . I will be ok . Just keep swimming 🤗

You are right biddylee, I took DS2's dad back, after his first abusive episode- chiefly, if I am being honest, because I desperately wanted another baby. It lasted another 18 months, by which time I was pregnant with DS2. Mind you, by the time I finally ended it with him there were no doubts or second thoughts at all!

Well done ojojoj
Glad you got out of the house, I am not far ahead of you but I do feel lighter

Molly
You'll delete when you feel ready, that much I know

Everyone else with positive stories thank you!

Newnamechange84
I literally have no words for what an utter cockwomble your ex is. That's a fucking tough thing to go through

You need to stay on this fucking board and get him the fuck out of your life.

REMEMBER EVERYONE
we only get one life, they are stealing your life away from you under your very eyes.

Hi all can I join in?

I'm only one day in, he left me at a wedding on Friday, then he messaged me yesterday and I asked him not to contact again

So here I am day 1

Welcome onboard mozz

I feel weird today again. Kinda numb. Better than miserable I suppose.... 🙄
The racing thoughts have died back a bit so I'm counting that as Progress.

How long were you together mozz?

Me too. I just caught myself thinking :"This time yesterday we were together (wobbly lip)". Although I did spend most of the 6 months thinking "This isn't right...".

(although we are, officially, on a 2 week break. But I just don't know how he can really make things right- personality transplant perhaps?!)

I realise I'm a wuss where emotional pain is concerned; I want to end a relationship and Just Be Fine Immediately. Don't want to have to spend any time hurting .

(By the way, how come you can unfollow someone on FB and still have them gurning at you from the Chat sidebar? FFS).

I made it to over a year NC. Then I found out he got engaged to OW and so I sent an email just saying congratulations - trying to be the bigger person cause I'm genuinely fine and happy for them ... and then he didn't reply and it just made me feel like shit

Small blip running, you'll be over it soon xx

Ginlovin- you are so right, I need him out of my life. Cockwomble indeed. I've just sent him a last message tell no him I expected more and now I've blocked him. The last where your oh left you at a wedding, did you write a thread on this Friday night? If so I remember thinking you are best off without him.

3 years, the last 2 have been pretty awful with break ups and make ups

And again I'm worrying about whether I'll find someone who doesn't beat me or cheat on me as if those are the only qualities a man needs to be with me!!!!

That's my benchmark

I need to up my game

Joining this thread as my ex just left an hour ago. After 5 years of putting up with shit, utter shit I could write not only a book but a fucking saga of biblical proportions of the shit he has put me through! I won't miss him. Primarily because I won't be given opportunity to, we have DCs so he will be over on Tuesday after work to see them.

Right now I couldn't care less if I saw him again or not, but for the kids sake. There was no anger between us when he left. In fact we had a day out together as a family today. We've both been unhappy since forever. He was making tea and made a flippant comment about if he is still living here next month. I asked him 'are you intending to leave? If so please let me know, I can't plan things around uncertainty'. He asked me do I want an answer now. I said damn right I want one now, it isn't fair to anyone not knowing. So he said fine he will move out. So I helped him by bagging up his stuff. We've spoke to the kids, they are very young, oldest is 4 and doesn't get it properly but he was very tearful earlier .

I'll be happier on my own.

Stubborn

I have always been in 2 minds about this relationship- chiefly because of the snarky comments, but also because our conversations aren't great, as he has a tendency to interrupt, or not to seem interested in what I'm saying. Funnily enough, I got a taxi home, and the driver was an old acquaintance, and we had a marvellously random conversation about trees, and I thought "I could never have this kind of conversation with X, he just isn't interested in loads of stuff". - you sound like me and my ex.

Day 8 feeling refreshed after reading the blog mentioned on other thread . Also going to job interview. If that fucker messes this up for me I'll be really really angry . Now I'm at the stage I don't want to excuse him anymore

It'll be 72 hours for me just before 10pm this evening. It's killing me.

Still, trying to change old patterns. I let him go (something I would never normally do) and got straight back on the horse and have a date tonight (again, something Zi'd never normally do. Don't know if step two is the best idea but it beats wallowing.

I need to join this thread. Day 1 of NC for me. I've blocked him on fb as thats how he contacts me most. Deleted all the messages and texts so I can't keep re-reading and hurting myself. He doesn't deserve me - I keep telling myself that. I have been addicted to him for a long time and I need to break that addiction. I think he wont try to contact me again for a while as I'm obviously such a bitch and this is all my doing(!) but it wont be long before he tries to pull me back somehow.

Despite all that, I miss him

Day 2 for me.

Well, he texted asking if I was ready to talk yesterday, and I said no, sorry for telling him to fuck off, but what he said to me was unacceptable, and I want 2 weeks w/o seeing him to reassess.

I know what the answer's going to be, though. Whichever way you slice it, I cannot be in a relationship with someone who puts me down, says mean things to my DC, and is also critical of pretty much every one of my friends that he's met.

I can't be, but I want to, right now. The withdrawal feels as bad- and almost as physical- as from drugs or alcohol or something .

So glad about the no contact idea, hopefully by the time 2 weeks has passed I'll be feeling more rational about it all.

Stay strong. Remember all the shit these worms put us through and the NC is easier.

I've found myself feeling angry today. Angry at the stupid cuntish shit I allowed him to get away with for 5 years. If I had to have contact with him right now I would take great pleasure in telling him he's a self-centred disgusting turd and no woman would want to stay with him for long. Then I'd tell him to fuck off.

But I have no reason to contact him today. I won't be seeing him til the end of the week and that is only for the kids to see him as they will be missing him and confused.

My guy was lovely. An absolute sweetheart. And he loves me.
But I suppose ultimately, he felt we were incompatible and it's difficult to swallow that fact. Really fucking difficult.

Goal 1: Acceptance

Love just isn't enough sometimes.

I hate that that is true. It bloody well should be. I'm angry that he doesn't seem to recognise how hard it is to find someone special

Argh...... Good fucking luck to him in finding someone as great as me!!!

Oh shit this isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Really really hurting and missing him. Sat here with H (dont't judge - we're seperated) and DS watching telly but all I can think of is him. He's had me on a string for the last 20 years. I genuinely thought he was my best friend, so us getting together when my marriage was ending seemed like the most natural, perfect thing in the world. How could I have not realised who he really was? Yet as I'm saying that, I want to call him. I want to say lets forget all the shit and try again. I would seriously take the blame for everything that has happened. Why am I so weak around him?? I'm a strong woman normally. Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably going to do this a lot.

Stubborn Its tough isnt it? Thats exactly how I feel. It was/is an addiction. And cold turkey is the only answer.

Imbeingunreasonable That anger is good. But know you're better than telling him. You don't need to. My NC has started today due to a fb message i got this morning saying "We're done. Shagged someone else last night". I know he expected me to reply and trust me, I wrote a million replies and deleted them all. I'm better than him. So i didnt reply, blocked him instead. Feel very proud of that.

I'm glad you didn't reply pls it will only make you feel worse. I will have enough contact with my ex over the coming weeks - in fact probably too much. If we had no kids I would cut him out of my life like the appendage he is. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of sending him a text, fb message, email or otherwise. God I'm still so angry at him for all the crap. The cheating, the lies, the manipulation, the pathetic man-child defences, the fact he's so emotionally empty and lacks any depth of character besides being a selfish sod. Me stewing on my anger has made me adamant to vow never ever to be taken in by his bull shit again. Every time I took him back and for what! I hope he'd seen the light but all he saw was a door mat and he felt no reason to change his outlook on life. He will be lonely in the end. He's a horrible horrible person and many women would run a mile from him. Wish I had done.

Sorry I'm waffling but it's helping me heal.