30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Yes it definitely gets easier and better!

I managed 3 weeks and then caved yesterday. He was a cunt again (I knew he would be) however this time I gave myself permission to get angry and told him what I thought of his horrible behaviour. Last time I just took it lying down.

I am so pleased with myself I've finally told him what I think of him. Fuck playing it cool. I felt utterly used by him and I needed to speak up for myself. Something in me just can't allow that shitty behaviour to just go unspoken about. I know others will say to keep your dignity but I feel like I'm colluding with them then.

Its killing me not speaking to my ex been 3 weeks today

It's tough going for sure. I couldn't eat today. Half a small sandwich.
I beat myself in the door of my yoga class so that's helped.
I'm going to put fresh bedding on and try to have an early night.
Day 1 ✅

😿

We all are the same , can't eat can't sleep and functioning on autopilot but didn't someone say when your heart is broken it gets open to other possibilities. Keep going girls ❤️

Morning ladies
Let's do this ...
only day 2 for me! But I received two texts last night that I ignored
It sounds so silly but it really is an achievement
Definitely for me tonight - it's Friday!

Messaged him yesterday afternoon saying hi. How are you? He read it and didn't reply. Feel sick and the cycle starts all over again. Miss him so much. I WANT him to call or message me :(

Only Day 2 for me also. I'm really, really struggling. The shock is starting to lift but now the pain is kicking in hard now.
I just feel robbed and so fucking lonely and heartbroken.
I've managed a cry so that's something, right
for everyone else on this thread. It really is so so shit.

Well done CallofBooty

You are v strong.

I know I'd go running to him if he texted me, but he won't.
I don't think men come back once they've ripped the plaster off.

If he text me I would go back in a heartbeat.

Rejected
You've got to try and get out of that mindset. I thought that and all that happened was I ended up going back and forth for 2 years.
From your other post he has not treated you well.
You deserve more than this.

Good luck to everyone else. I had to talk to him yesterday, work. But I felt quite strong and calm about it!

You'll get there ladies, the feelings will pass and each day will get a tiny bit easier. You'll look back in a few months and wonder why it was ever so difficult

I go through phases of feeling sooo tempted to reply- but I also feel almost empowered - like f* you! I'm not coming back this time!

Am sure after a few drinks tonight I'll wake up tomorrow and have done the famous drunken texting

I feel more angry than anything angry with myself I ended it myself I said I don't want to be your seconds but still raw as crap

Day 3 begins. I'm fighting to not give it too much headspace but my mind keeps going to it and wondering how he is. So fucking miserable. Pretty sure he is too but it was his call.
I hate this.

I caved ladies.
Went out Friday night, bloody well bumped into him!!
Back to square one

Saw mine today callofbooty. Not a deliberate meet up and there were lots of other people there. Feel better for having seen him and not in such a desperate panic to have his attention but I realise when that drug wears off I will probably hurt for him. He did say sorry for being so cold to me. Said he is mentally very drained and really doesn't know what he wants at the moment and thinks I Need time on my own after my own separation to live a bit of life myself. Maybe he's right. Maybe ...

Well your reaction to seeing him is positive! Good start.... time on your own will help you see everything clearer but it's difficult when it's not time on your own that you want.
It's really hard, you're so not the only one feeling like it, I'm in your boat with you

Aw hello everybody, think this is the thread I need right now!

I have just walked off from my boyfriend of 6 months, after a row. It could have been a small, easily resolvable row, if it wasn't for all the underlying stuff it got me to thinking about.

It happened because we'd just been to a talk on something interesting- a subject more interesting to me than him, but he was keen to go. Afterwards I asked a question, and then interjected in a group discussion with something that was a mistake, so I immediately corrected myself. Later, he told me I'd "made a fool of myself". I flipped and told him to fuck off, and he accused me of having PMT. Which is true, but............

Thing is, this isn't the first time he's made these kind of belittling jibes- more like the hundredth time. Which is why I overreacted. He's also said mean things about the kids- he called my 2 year old "a little shit" when DS2 did something typically toddlerish.

I have always been in 2 minds about this relationship- chiefly because of the snarky comments, but also because our conversations aren't great, as he has a tendency to interrupt, or not to seem interested in what I'm saying. Funnily enough, I got a taxi home, and the driver was an old acquaintance, and we had a marvellously random conversation about trees, and I thought "I could never have this kind of conversation with X, he just isn't interested in loads of stuff".

It's sad, because there are the good bits, too- I think he is a genuinely good, caring, and helpful person in most ways, and there is a LOT of chemistry between us.

No contact- at least for a couple of weeks- is the way to go I think, so I can decide whether there's a future for us with a clear head. I think I know what that answer's going to be, which makes me really sad because I'm going to miss the good bits .

Sorry i havent read the whole thread but just want to say to you all to keep going and dont look back
Quite a few months for me being no contact and im feeling so much more myself, back to the old me

Hello 30-dayers

Hope you are all hanging in there one way or another...
stubborn When I read what he said about your toddler I have to think you dodged a bullet....
callof and rejected sounds like you both handled your meet ups v well.
I'm dreading running into mine. Well it might never happen I guess.
Not a dickybird from him not that I'm expecting to hear from him.
I've been reading lots of "getting over a breakup" stuff online
Sometimes it helps. I'm journaling a little. It's all so v shit.
I can't imagine being in another relationship again.

Doing ok
Been on and off
Starting to feel a bit more myself, though I had a horrific dream last night
Just trying to concentrate on the fact that I only have ONE life and cannot waste anymore time of it on someone who doesn't love me the way I need!

Hope everyone else is bearing up

Weekends are tough

After I left he told his family about what had been going on between us. Told them he is very mixed up at the moment and isn't ready for a relationship. Also said he likes me but I want more than he can give me which is why he's stepped back from the situation . That he feels I Need to he on my own and grow and blossom in my own right on my own. They all said in a strange arse about face way he does care about what happens to me.

I've just gone NC with my ex. Day 2. I blocked him from everything. Is that too drastic?

Can I join please? Someone posted on my thread on relationships and suggested I come here. Chucked ex out over two months ago, full story on other thread, did so well - a whole month not wanting him. Then we met up again over a month ago, told me he still loved me and missed me and thought he might want me back and we slept together. Blanked me for the rest of that week and then ten days later I found out I was pregnant. Had a termination three days ago and he was so supportive but the minute he left the morning after, that was it. All I've heard is that it's made him ill, he can't support me. He promised he'd be there for me after it as I didn't really want to do it. Now he's fucked off and been selfish and all me me me. I love him so much. I've text and he's ignored e my messages. I need to be strong. I need to go n/c.

I have managed to 'survive' 14 days without trying to contact my 'ex' friend/fwb/whoever he was.
Before that it was 2 weeks too, but I had a weak moment one Friday evening and sent a short message that he did not respond to.
Since then I keep repeating to myself - if he ever wants to reach out to you, he knows where you are. You did nothing wrong and he should be the one to contact you. If he doesn't, it means he does not want to be in touch. Humiliation and the sense of being unwanted 'helped' in its twisted way.

Today I took another step - I deleted his phone number and all whatsapp messages. I still have his number somewhere on my email so it isn't easily available, and there are no texts or pics, to awake memories and to obsess about, especially when sleepless in bed.

What I struggle with most is the fact that I might have been such a bad judge of character again etc. But to be honest, I am starting to see things more clearly about why we didn't make it after such a promising beginning...
I realised that he doesn't need to be a bad person, we just didn't meet in the right time for anything serious/stable to develop.
He realised he is still not over his ex... as far as I am aware they will try to patch things up, at least this is what he wants now, so no wonders there is no space in his life and mind for me...
We have only known each other for 8 months and he lived with his ex for 5 years... there is a lot of history to deal with.

I have been through similar in the past (coming back to ex) and I can honestly tell that you cannot embrace on a new person until you are dealt with the past.... there were people I fancied through the months when ex was trying to ' win me back', and I must admit that as soon as I woke up hope that we can make it work, any other man stopped being important... even though I did like and respect them.

All love and hope of reconciliation must die in order to be free for new stuff, new people.

What helps me is thinking that I might still reconnect with him, as friends, in the future. Either this, or realization that in a year or two I just won't care about it anymore. Deep down I am almost certain he is a good guy and just cut me off to make it easier for me... but tbh it all doesn't matter, because I slowly start GETTING it that I need to focus on myself and what I want and need, in order to create any healthy relationship, with anyone, in the future.

Maybe it all does happen for a reason.

Days like today are hard though, lonely Sunday, just me and the cat... DD on holiday. I am tired of going out alone and making things just for myself, or even with Friends... but I am slowly accepting the fact it is what it is now, and I can honestly say I do feel a tiny bit better than 2 or 3 weeks ago.