30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Talked that is so true, I've a draw full of nice underwear and clothes that I'm not sure who to wear for. I have felt invisible. Even as recently as 3 weeks ago I wore some nice outfits because me and Ex got the chance to have coffees together. I wore them for him.

He didn't notice, although we got on so well.

Then he ended it again. Humiliating is the word!

ELR you do have inner sparkle! I hope no one dulls it again. Someone will treasure it!

Worried so sorry you are finding it tough. I'm similar, long time of pushing and pulling. I don't know if it gives you hope, but last year I got really strong. Pulled myself together. Insisted on couple counselling, all the flip flopping was exposed finally, really helped. I kicked him out for months, wouldn't let him back until we were in a healthier place. He really took stuff on board, asked me to marry him, promised he'd not end the relationship and the minute he got distant we'd go back for counselling. It was so much better, finally.

Unfortunately, he ended it again, 2 weeks ago, from him, out of the blue, citing evasive things. Again. But it did help. At least I know I tried. And I know this is my limit.

What do you need for it to be Better? To break this cycle? Does he know he's doing it?

Thanks autumn I treasure my inner sparkle and it's precisely why I'm being my own hero today and have so far gone 29 hours NC!!!
I'm taking it hour by hour!!

How's everyone got on today?

I have been strong, no texting from me or him. Feels ok, but then random moments of weakness when I think I'll cave. Motto is silence is power!

This thread is a very good help too. Strength in numbers!

Well done rhubarb and ELR! Keep distant, clear your head! If he wants you back, it'll give him time to think it through properly.

Epic fail
Saw him at a work do, went for a drink, it was nice and superficial

When will I ever move on

Actually think he turned up at said work do on purpose. There was no need for him to be there
Why I just don't understand why
If he doesn't want to be with me then fine. Why do all of this

worried because he gets something out of being half in, half out. He will hold that status quo as long as he can. If he really wanted you to go he'd not wanted a drink. If he really wants to commit he'd jump off the fence. Head wrecking! Hope you are ok.
Talked it's so hard isn't it. He's pulling you in and rejecting you at the same time. A week is a while to tease you with.

I'm really still down. He was around early yesterday and this morning, around me in the house helping. I cleared out of his way, hid in my room. But I couldn't this morning, and it felt like he was doing it because he felt sorry for me. I snapped a bit at the fourth question he asked me this morning, I think you need to put on Xs shoes now he said...
Please just let me deal with him! I said.
I just wanted no conversation.
I could see he got really angry. He just left in a huff.
Dropping the child back he just said
I'll just leave you be.

I did want that, I want him to go, to leave. But it still made me feel devastated. I did really love him and moved my whole world to be with him, and had his child. I'll never understand why he just threw it all away.

Thanks talked Just feeling quite alone today. I wish for a magic wand to make it all go away. Feel my life is wasting so much time on dead end roads.

You sound like you are doing absolutely the right things! Keeping busy, making new friends. That is part of remembering and enriching yourself. to all too.

I know, sorry, totally sunk at the moment. I can't face starting again that's the trouble. Obviously outwardly I am. Having to uproot my kids, take away their security. It just feels awful.

What is devastating is that we have a good relationship which he just throws away. There's no discussion, no trying to resolve or even air problems. The fall out from breaking up is huge but he's got his head in the sand, he thinks it'll be fine. And yet, because he's in this destructive cycle I'm the one who has to be strong and be NC and not let him just fall back into a half relationship where he retains the power. Even though I never wanted to end it in the first place!

Positively... started running, getting hair done soon, finishing writing a project, reconnected with friends by email, (limited socializing here, remote), had a facial, on a healthier diet, have several away weekends booked, my kids are great.

Oh... should fess up, on a healthier diet except the big piece of chocolate cake I ate just now as I was feeling so sorry for myself! .

We've been together 8 years, but had a couple of mini separations as he Keith's ending the relationship. He ended it again 2 weeks ago but still living here, he's refused to go elsewhere.

He keeps,.. not Keith! Who's he?!

Hi all I'm still no contact, but feeling shit!! But I know that after the initial good feeling I'll feel even shitter!!
Met with one of my best friends today she knows the whole story so ended up just talking about him all day but it's helped to put it into perspective and see a way forward without him. It's just so hard!!!
talked what new social things have you been doing? I need ideas and inspiration!
autumn sounds like you are in a tough situation it must be hard, you sound like you are doing so well though even if it doesn't feel like it.

ELR it's a roller coaster isn't it! Pleased you have a friend that you can pour it out to. Too right it's hard!
talked you are amazing at keeping busy, so good! I did join meet up but a bit sparse where I am. But I might go in another area. I like the sound of film conversation and dancing too. Report back!

I got a long text from him just now. He says that his presence is just causing tension and that he will be out every day until 11pm and every weekend. He'd sort out counseling for long term separation plans. I just replied ok.

I need to go NC starting tonight, trapped in a toxic relationship that just makes me unhappy most of the time but am afraid to be on my own and just can't do it ....
cant bring myself to delete the numbers

Hi Ruby you can do it!