30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Good plan Talked! My friend just rand so having a quick wine with her! Saving grace!!!

Can I just add that I'm sitting here panicking that I should ring him back........ (I won't, I promise, but the urge is there!!)

I'm back! Was a super quick drink and pub is at the end if my road!!
I know talked why did I do it!! Silence is power you are right!
science stay strong if you rang he may ignore then you would be annoyed you'd rang! I'm thinking no more trying to meet I need to ween myself off of him not make it more painful!!

Kettle crisps sour cream and chilli or black pepper!!!

So, I held strong and I didnt contact him last night, following his message.

I'm undecided whether to contact him today. If I do, he could easily just ignore me (usual pattern). I'll be left waiting for a reply getting pissed off/hurt. Or I could continue to ignore him. Which feels a little like game playing to me - which I don't want to do.

Thoughts....?

What did his message say? Anything worthwhile replying to? And never feel as though NC is playing games. It's sending him a message that you are no longer putting up with his BS and showing self love.
You have the power now, why hand it back over so fast? Give him something to wonder about!
I think sometimes we forget about just how powerful silence can be. Not replying is still an action and it is also sending out a strong message.

Toria The message left was just to say hi, hoped i was ok hoped we'd speak soon. So, about nothing in particular.

I guess it doesnt really need a response does it?

ok, I'll hold fast and try not to respond - try to get myself out of this 'waiting for his response' loop.

See, that's the thing. Someone, anyone sends me a message, and I'll reply to it. Even if its a quick ' can't talk, but will catch you later' kind of message.

This not replying business seems just plain rude to me! But it is exactly what he has been doing to me!

It is not rude at all. It is perfectly acceptable and honourable behaviour. Your ex is giving you 'jilted lover' talk. He ended it but in reality he wants to control you and keep his ego fed by your 'admiration'.

You did the right thing. Ignore him completely and do not feel bad about it!
You've said yourself, he will most likely not reply and you will be left feeling hurt but you are still considering responding as you are worried about hurting HIS feelings?
Have a think about that one.
Time to put yourself first. I felt exactly the same but you need to do yourself a favour not him. You are the priority here.
You will probably find it will have a more profound effect than replying as that's what he is expecting. Both on yourself and him.
Easier said than done I know, but has responding to his low investment messages given you anything positive so far?

Toria You talk sense! Why am I placing his feelings above mine? I felt strong last night - and actually, apart from this wavering, I'm feeling strong today. If I reply and get no comment from him, then I'll be back to square one.

No crying for several days now - why would I want to go back to that!!??

Alternatively could you send him a message back saying that from now on you won't be responding to anything less than he wants to make this work and wants to commit? (If thats what you want) Not rude but also protecting yourself. Then if you dont hear from him again that goes to show you've made the right decision OR he will step up his game. It really is a win win situation.
At the moment all you are doing is feeding his ego and making him feel "safe" at the risk of your own feelings.

My god I needed this thread about 2 months ago!
Struggling a lot with going NC with an ex. Who is quite clearly saying all the right things and using me for sex... text breadcrumbs, the lot. You name it he does it!
But it appears I've not got it in me to block/delete once and for all. so will be following this thread with interest

JD come and join us! I couldnt block either - but finally have managed to ignore messages. A major achievement for me!

Everyone here has kept me strong. Lets stick together Talked

science stay strong and try not to reply. I messaged about meeting tomorrow and I've had no reply this was after a brief exchange where I'd been reeled in and felt comfortable about asking about what time we were meeting. Then boom nothing!! Now I'm left feeling down and annoyed with myself. It's a lesson to be learnt but I'm not exactly a fast learner!! You'd think we'd all be experts by now!!!

Thanks ladies... this thread is brilliant

Don't text again talked or reply to his next one! He is being rude but will take you for granted if you initiate more than him. Stay strong!
ELR don't text again either! Know that awful feeling, of thinking I can relax now, just be normal, then boom being ignored.

Or like my Ex, he always texts back, always. But he is the King of omission. We'd be getting along well and I'd do something small but affectionate like put a kiss on the end, or say 'Hey sexy', and he'd take a while to reply and be VERY cool.

This is a guy who'd happily text his female friends at the time with hey beautiful or a kiss.

I can't tell you how low that would make me feel! Living with him and basically being schooled to know my place! I.e. Don't crowd me.

That behaviour can take a run and jump! Never doing that again.

Well, I did message (groan from everyone!!). Just a quick one-liner asking if he was ok. He texted straight back. long text conversation. very light. said he'd needed to vent about work (!). Co-incidentally almost immediately, I had an issue arising due to work too - so say that i too needed a vent - was he free? Radio silence.

It was so predictable - but note that i'm not hurt . This time last week I'd have been distraught at him cutting me off mid-conversation. Now, its just what he does.

I'm hoping that at this rate, by next week i'll have stopped even wanting to talk to him at all. What's in it for me? If he wants me to be his friend, well, he needs to act like a friend in return, right?

So, if he rings tonight, like last night, I'll let it go to answerphone. I feel much happier with that. If he does, depending on the message, I might/might not text him tomorrow.

Don't be mad at me for seeming to repeat behaviour - its slow, but my feelings are much more under control. Yes, he is still taking up far too much head space, and he still has some control - but this really is very different to where I was last week. I'm feeling sorry for him - which is a different position to fancying the pants off him!

JD try only being factual, never initiating any communication, only replying to a direct question and always less words than him.

It's helped me massively, unfortunately can't go completely NC because kids and he's yet to move out. Feeling much more detached though.