30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

I totally understand where you are coming from Mrsjohn.

How long have u been NC? X

Had to see him but only had a 5 minute conversation about our child. He's living here even though I do want him to move out. We've been together 7 years so it's a big break up.

Don't feel much today but at least the Nc gives me some headspace. I can't move out yet but really wanted as clean a break as possible. Quite pleased so far. Day 3.

Mrs John it is sad isn't it. Even if it's the right thing. We invest a lot and having to do a complete u turn is a real change of our mindset.

Hi all. Hope you are all doing I'm. I've been away this weekend so off thread for a while. Today is day 11 for me and I am struggling. The ex bombarded me with texts on Saturday saying he loved me and missed me and can we meet to talk. I want to hear these things sober not at 2am. I ignored the messages and he text the next day apologising for his behaviour but said nothing else I'm not sure if that meant it was all just a drunken mistake he made and didn't really mean it. I haven't replied but I'm wondering if this is the best course of action? What do you think? Should I ask him what it was about? X

Well not I'm*

Talked I'm glad you have managed to sort things out. I hope they work out for you and he ups his game now!

Definitely ignore the 2am texts... the apologising is good. Saying that he loves you is a sign he does have feelings. Day 11 is still early, I'd still leave it. If he's serious he won't change his mind just because you didn't reply. But if he's just panicking he hasn't shown he's serious or worked to get you back.

Yes talked.... have only recently come on here, but make sure he does up his game!

Thank you Autumn. Your ex sounds a lot like mine not horrible but manipulative. I'm not even sure he realises he's doing it but maybe I give him too much credit. I've been in this cycle of breaking up and getting back together for 4 years now. I've fallen before for the drunken messages but this time I need to see some serious effort from him or just move on. I think I'm just worried that he will see me ignoring him as a sign that I want nothing more to do with him. I wish I could say this was the case but I would be lying

Has been weeks and weeks of off and on contact really, seems he has moved on. Why does that make me go aghhhhh. It's so annoying. I know what he is, I know he is a lying cheating user. This is the only place I can admit that I still care, I still want a text, a sign,why????

I want to bash my head against a brick wall

Yes a friend suggested the same. To just reply saying speak to me when you are sober. Though probably a bit late now 2 days on haha.
Good luck with the treading! It's so easy to get hooked back in head over heels all go, but I agree it would be important for you to take this slow, keep your own interests and slowly build the relationship up. Let him prove himself as that is exactly what he should be doing!

Mrsjohn I'm the same! I want that text but deep down I don't know if I could ever be with him again. Too much has happened. If only heads and hearts could just do us a favour and agree.
Though if he has moved on it shows that you have done the right thing. If you had let him back in it would have only prolonged the hurt and would (maybe) only be a matter of time until it happened again. There are people out there who we wont have to remind of our worth x

toria the breaking up cycle is a killer isn't it! So destructive. Glad you haven't responded. Sounds like he will want you back for sure but if he keeps flip flopping he must prove that he is truly committed.

I feel at the moment very calm and determined. My relationship is now unhealthy and not good enough for the kids. But I know soon I will start to feel really sad.

mrs hold on there you can do it!

It sure is. My self confidence has completely gone down the pan now. Probably another reason why I shouldn't get back with him but it's a vicious cycle of wanting that reassurance that you actually aren't that bad so you take them back! V unhealthy.
I'm off to bed now. Tomorrow is another day! Keep your chin up ladies. We got this

I agree Tori's, my ex ex I never had any doubts he wanted me, he was a twat too but never mind

Much resolution to us all. I touched the hurty toxic flame of the ex many times before I realised he was industrial waste. It was always a slightly toxic relationship I realise now, but it even became physically abusive before I realised, for which I will always be ashamed

I'm still reading all the messages but congratulations to OP & everyone who has finally decided to NC. I am just starting out. Today is day 1. I have a very bad track record of this mainly because there are dc involved, but am really determined because I have lost an entire decade to him.

I'm struggling today! How is everyone doing? Day 12....

Day 4 for me. He tried to engage me in 'pleasant conversation' last night before I went to bed, I'm trying to be the 'respectful but distant housemate' and it worked, I was cordial but ended the conversation very quickly. It's going to take nerves of steel to get through this. Especially as he is very keen to be 'normal' in the house but Christ it's been 7 years and the 5th time he's broken up. I'm not waiting until one of us moves out to end this unhealthy relationship. It has to stop now and I've been clear with him I'd prefer it if he left and I want a clean break, which meant no watching TV together, no coffees, only minimal communication about the children. If he doesn't move out (which he should, I'm the one with the kids all day and no job) then I'm not going to be stuck in this cycle anymore of never properly ending things.

Rant over! Toria sorry that you are struggling. It's tough to do what we naturally don't want to do. I too have to fight the urge to run up to Ex and say 'you idiot what do you think you are doing ending things when we have a family and I'm actually an OK person?! What possible reason could trump trying to fix things?!' But I'm biting my tongue...

lannister I'm only on Day 4 too, it is harder with kids involved but in a way it's way more important for it to be either 'good enough' or ended. Not in between and crap. Good luck!

Of course he contacted me on Monday evening - a lovely long conversation ensued. He hoped we'd speak soon. He enjoyed speaking with me.

I texted him Tuesday am - and he continued a long txt conversation. Until I said lets talk again. Then he went dead on me.

I dont learn, do I? He gives me just enough to give me hope, then drops me.

Back to square one - although slightly easier knowing his number isnt there (deleted all links back to it - again).

He gets the loving support, the sympathy about his bad day etc, I get left dangling hoping for more. Do I really have such low self respect? Clearly yes!

That counselling appointment can't come round fast enough!

Week 6 for me begins today
Absolutely zero contact from either side.
It still hurts like fuck. It's So Over. And my brain seems to accept this information.5 of a braincell at a time. Good job Brain.