30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Also it's my exs birthday at the end of this month. Fortunately it was mine a couple of weeks ago so I know exactly what to do - nothing! (Although I did get a 'sorry I've probably ruined your birthday, have a good day tomorrow' the night before when we were arguing)

Hi everyone, am I ok to join the thread.
On day two of no contact and feeling like shit

Oh don't get me started talkedabout!

The man has put me through hell during my long awaited 3 lovely weeks off, which included a house move, minor surgery (that he was meant to be driving me to!), my birthday and my daughters birthday. I have absolutely no desire to wish him a happy birthday!!

Anyway... nice things! I'm looking forward to getting back to uni tomorrow and get on with life even if I do feel pretty numb and just going through the motions right now. Feeling the anxiousness, feel like I'm waiting for something.

What's a Meet Up date thing? I've not heard of it. It's a good idea if you're ready though, it will definitely take your mind off it all

Oh he sounds horrific. You sound well shot! I have had my fair share of men like that but this ex was very different, very committed, wanted all the right things etc. But in reality was controlling and manipulative and if it didn't work and I did my own thing he was awful to me. I've spent the last year defending every single thing so I've no idea why I miss it so much.

I'm studying to be a nurse I started a couple of months ago but spent the summer out on placement and then some time off but back to uni now and looking forward to cracking on!! What course are you starting?

I am the same as you, need to get back to a good place. Feel like I lost a lot of myself in this relationship and really need to get that back and learn to be just me and DD so I'm not so dependent on bloody men! That meet up website sounds really nice actually - I thought you meant like dating! I will have to have a gander.

Psychology is really interesting! I bet that'll be great for you.

They are the worst. I definitely want to learn more about spotting signs in manipulative men etc. Don't want to get myself in this situation again, I'm going to be fully prepared before I consider dating again!

My DD is at her dads this weekend. Used to spend my child free weekends being whisked off on fun activities and weekends away so it's definitely going to be difficult. Im contemplating whether to take the time to just wallow in it might be better, I've been on shaky ground all week.

Ego boosts are always good, especially at a time like this!! It's good to get out there and meet people, even if you don't want to date etc. I do miss the attention and company etc of dating, even just having someone to message. But the idea of speaking to or being with anyone else just makes me feel down at this stage, so I'm definitely not ready.

Failed after day 1! Here we go again with NC.

Urgh anxiety seems to have affected a few of us. Mines been horrific for a few months. Having CBT but this heightens it. Xx

Thank you Talked. How many days have you managed?

Day 7. Woke up to 3 messages from him this morning saying "xx" he "misses me like crazy" then an hour later "sorry". First response I've had since I told him to commit or we have to move on.
It's ridiculous but I feel bad/rude ignoring him! Going to have to be strong. If he really did miss me he would try better than a (possibly) drunken text at 3am.

I've been looking at meet up also. Had a gander at some of the group's last night. I don't know if I would actually have the balls to go to one though. Maybe I could rope a friend in (or is that defeating the point)?

Wow well done talked on making it to day 11!

Upwards indeed. Xx

I caved. I needed to know about some money I owe him and how much and I just text and asked. I know I would need to at some point as I couldn't remember how much so I just wanted to get it over with I guess... but I haven't heard back yet and now I can't stop crying. Beginning to wish I hadn't ended this relationship because I just can't function.

You post struck a cord with me Talked.

He has to add to my life and not be the centre of it.

I need to follow this as I have certainly lost myself the past few months.

I got the standard "never meant to hurt you" but keeps me at arms length albeit a few breadcrumbs.

I'm worried i now look needy.

Can I turn this around? 😞😞

Well done talked.

I don't think mine will miss me at all. All he used to say is he doesn't feel like you are supposed to 😞

Maybe it's time I just accept it and move on.

Xxxx

Even "I miss you" doesn't mean "I want you back" I've had the I miss you texts in the past and instantly gotten excited upon receiving them but does anything change? No. It's just a lazy attempt at making sure you are still there thinking about him and that he still "has you". I'm staying NC unless I hear anything other than I want to work things out and commit to you.
Day 9 today. Stay strong girls.
@Needs you want the loaf not crumbs! The problem with this is that you get used to the bare minimum effort from a man and then any tiny gesture he gives looks like a mountain to us when really these are the types of things he should be doing anyway.

Day 1 sorry not 9!