30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

I'm thinking of taking up CrossFit. I need to do something new.
I'm also doing an alcohol-free week (much needed!) and have made a pact with myself to put some hours into the sleep bank this week.
Work are doing a Step Challenge and I've signed up for that too.
I have plans in place for activity next week, and the week after that I'm going to doing something with a meetup group of one kind or another.
So all this little things will help. Eventually.

Well done Molly. How are you getting on this far in?
Day 5 for me and last night it just really hit home I think! Not a good evening. Feel ok this morning...
Have booked to go away this weekend with a friend and have various activities booked in leading up to that to keep myself busy.

I haven't been doing that well post-break up tbh.
Feeling quite low a lot of the time.

I realise that I had heavily over-invested in a relationship that I knew in my heart of hearts wasn't going to go the distance so there's a lot of self-blame going on. We had just clicked so much though, so it's hard.

I'm coming round. Very. Slowly. Trying to be a bit nicer to myself and not engage in behaviours that were lowering my mood.

An app that I'm finding useful is called Rx Breakup. Maybe some of you will find it good too. I resolutely NC though - 5 weeks later. It will be ok. Best get it over with now rather than another year down the line.

"I realise that I had heavily over-invested in a relationship that I knew in my heart of hearts wasn't going to go the distance so there's a lot of self-blame going on. We had just clicked so much though, so it's hard."

Struggling with this too. Feeling very foolish putting so much into a man especially one who didn't even bother to respond when I told him I wanted more and was walking away. I'm finidng it hard to get closure because of this. Am I not even worthy of a goodbye after 4 years?

@Talkedabout Welcome and funny you should mention that as his is later this month too. It will be Day 26 of my no contact and I'm already wondering what to do about it!

Talked about I feel like my hormones are getting worse!! It does feel like an addiction though. Very on edge and anxious.

I hate this. The worst thing for me is the idea of him with someone else. I know I can't take him back as much as I wish I could - but this hurts me the most. I think about it all the time wondering if he's back OLD etc and I even had a dream last night that I bumped into him while he was on a date I can't relax at all.

I'm on day about 7, although about day 21 of actually engaging, I just had to go for that one last try (proved what a cunt he is once again). I have done so much reading and thinking and self reflection. At least I'm not still agonising over what was truth, what was fiction quite so much.

He was either semi qenuine and just utterly selfish, or a 100% solid gold psycopath, I even said those words to him a few weeks in, so my frigging instincts knew, did I listen, did I fuck.

I'm erring on the psycopath side tbh. He told me soon after we met that he had Asperger's, but then later denied it . I would say from the way he is and his behaviour he 100% has it, but who knows, I gave him far too much leeway for that.

It's academic anyway you can have Asperger's and still be a massive lying using cuntwaffle, I will never know the truth of anything and it doesn't even matter. I have given him too much headspace, despite my waffling I no longer miss him as a person. I miss the feeling of being happy and connected and in love, whether that was real to him is anyone's guess, but it was to me and that is what matters.

It's the not knowing that I have to learn to accept. Blimey they call them crazy makers for a reason, was with my ex 13 years and never had this much angst and drama, we had our arguments and it was shit at the end, but nothing like this

Mrsjohn, that's it in a nutshell. I miss the happy/connected/feeling in love feeling. I miss him as a person too, but I miss that more...
Interesting. KOKO 30 dayers

Please can I join. To cut a long story short I was dating this man for 5 months. I was dumped three times as he wasn't sure if we would work. I took him back after a couple of days each time but was never allowed to call it "a relationship" as we wasn't "quite there".

Fast forward 7 months after he ended it again and I find myself in a FWB situation which is making me increasingly unhappy. I initiate the majority of contact. He tells me he wants to me someone he likes and doesn't see any problem with telling me this. I have tried NC and failed many times. I'm sick of the breadcrumbs I'm being given 😞😞😞

*meet

There's so many horrible things he's said to me. He is moody and makes me feel afraid to have an opinion as if I disagree with him I get the silent treatment. I literally feel like I'm going crazy whilst he just shrugs his shoulders and carries on with life. How can someone start off so charming and end up a complete and utter cocky t##t.

Please needs.

Download the Rx Breakup app. Get this chump out of your life, and for good. He is using you, and you will just get more and more hurt.

@needs I'm going through a similar situation. Be strong x

I want to go nc - how do I do that while he's still living here?

I can't leave until next year. Our child has a great special needs place for 1 year. It's his house. I've asked him to leave, tried nc, lots of resistance from him. He stayed at his brothers. Really want a clean break. He's accused me of being controlling but I felt he was more stubborn than me. He's finished with me 4 times!

Thank you Molly. I will do that now.

Toria it's s@@t isn't it. When I ignore him I get "Hey you, what you upto" just to keep me on radar.

I guess day 1 NC starts now 😓 Xx

I used to get these texts too until I finally told him to basically either commit or let me get on with my life. This was last Thursday And I've not had a response so I guess that says it all. It's hard as feel like I am still hanging on and waiting to hear from him. I almost need to hear him to tell me to move on, though I guess his actions are saying that loud and clear. It's tough!
@talkedabout let me know what you do! When did you last hear from him? I was also close to texting last night but my friend gave me a talking to!

Urgh a mere 14 hours in and I feel shitty!

Had a text this morning saying the usual hi, how are you? Probably because I said I was going to replace him!

I'm gonna stay strong for my own benefit.

It's scary how many of us are in the same situation with shit heads.

Stay strong ladies!

Xxxx

Agreed. It's lazy communication and usually they just want their ego boosted by knowing you are still waiting around to reply to them! If he really wants to be with you he will make more of an effort than one (or several) lazy texts.
@Talked it's so much harder when they leave the door open like that isn't it!? It's horrible when you have to make the decision yourself, but if left up to them they would string you along forever!
They don’t know their arses from their elbows so they can’t commit to being with you, they can’t commit to not being with you, they’re not sure if they like you, but they’re not sure if they don’t like you, and whatever energy they’ve mustered up to feel something for you, they don’t know why they feel it.
Let them get on with it and good riddance!

Been less tempted to text this afternoon. It's usually mornings and when I go to bed at night when I get that craving! Need to reign it in!
Think I'm going to make a list of all his bad points and the times he's disappointed me or upset me or left me hanging just so I can remind myself during these times just why I shouldn't be giving him the time of day! I'm just looking forward to this shit time being over and feeling free!

I get the whole nights thing. When I'm busy I'm ok, and then wen I stop everything just kind of piles on top of me. I feel pretty numb today. This is horrendous and I'm genuinely wondering how the hell im going to get through it. I'm not seeing a happy life without him in it!! I need a grip desperately.