30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Another day no contact . Keep wondering what he's doing. But strangely glad to be away from the bullshit where I care about him and he never even asks how I am

karma i know that feeling. You could have changed this but i wasnt worth it. Hang on to that. It gets easier xx

Yesterday was Day 21 and I can say for sure it's getting a bit easier.
I still miss him terribly and dread the weekends now, but I'm just going to have to get over that and try to use my time more productively.
I still feel really sad.

BUT there are flashes of anger at him and the odd "fuck you" moments- for me this is a good thing
Still harbouring a tiny hope that he will get in touch and I will be very glad when that is fully extinguished 😑
So, yes, keep going every one on here. NC is the only way.

Gonna leave this thread. Realised last night that the person I thought I was grieving over isn't the one thats hurting me. Its my marriage being over that hurts - this was just a distraction it seems. Can't go NC with H, we still live in the same house and have a child. You're all amazing. Thanks for the support so far, but my problems are different now. all round.

Hi Pls
I saw your other thread. I hope you are ok. I'm in a v similar situation (but the marriage is very over and lines/boundaries established)
Take good care x and

Ladies, I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time at the moment, what really helped me through a tough time was listening to positive affirmations on youtube, it sounds a bit mad but if you think about it you are probably telling yourselves all sorts of negative things about yourself now, if you can stop those negative thoughts for even a minute or two at a time to start with then wouldn't that be a great thing?

Can I join please? Supposed to be giving him time and space but I miss him so much!

it sounds a bit mad but if you think about it you are probably telling yourselves all sorts of negative things about yourself now

Not mad at all. Absolutely spot on in my case.

I've been there myself, it's awful!!
And although some people might think listening to positive affirmations is totally daft, all you're trying to do is reverse the negative affirmations that you're telling yourself all day long.

Good luck pls
Thanks for being so supportive to me especially and to everyone else on here.
Xx

Cracked tonight . Listening to a particular song which actually made my chest ache for him. I text him and said I miss you. Hes read it . No reply. Why am I ducking this up. Date tomorrow night with nice sweet man who's been lovely and is really keen to see me. But it's not HIM. Why would I want someone who treats me like dirt. Why. Crying as I write this . I Am going to ruin everything. I don't feel ready I feel scared of being.intimate with anyone else. A husband who calls me every name under the sun. Someone nice comes along and I can't fucking cope . Help please someone

Rejected
Don't worry that you cracked. We all do. You're scared of the future and sometimes when we are scared we would rather go back to the safety of what was even if it was shit
His lack of response shows the man he is.
Go out on your date, even if it's too soon for anything serious, go and see what it's like to be treated well!!
You have not and will not ruin anything
You have made great strides

Thank you GIN. Xxx

Day 30 past and I unblocked him and said by text that I had to initiate 30 days no contact for my own sake and that if he wanted to talk to me he was unblocked. If not I said I understood and would not attempt to pursue him. The reply came 9 hours later.
Thanks for breaking silence. Talk sometime but not just now. Don't know what to think really. Been a weird month, not one I'd like to experience again. Apart from anything else though, I'm not going to apologise for anything and neither should you x
Er? Still all about him then?

So I thought about that. This man who is supposed to care about me enough to show relief that I broke silence, says he is not going to apologise for frightening me, disregarding my feelings, making me doubt my own integrity, ignoring me, letting me down and refusing point blank to take any responsibility for the state of this relationship.

I conclude yr honour that this man is a narcissistic ostrich and deserves no supply from me. Of any sort. Now he is unblocked i will initiate no contact for 7 days. Punishment for not being able to be emotionally intelligent and for not being able to admit he was wrong. ✊🏻🙏🏻

If he deserves no supply from you if any sort then you need to block him and keep him blocked. If he is a narcissist he will not change

How are all the 30-Dayers getting on? My 30 days are almost up and I am still pretty miserable
I do have moments of rationality and know that I will be ok again

But fucking hell this is one miserable process. I try to tell myself well - you had a lovely relationship for almost a year, but ....

Molly I have a few days left but I'm pretty busy with OLD drama just now and keeps me distracted. I'm not even angry anymore I just don't give a shit anymore

I would quite like to be angry. It would be better than this.

I haven't the heart for OLD at the moment.

Be angry Molly I went through stage of rage but then I thought I'm only doing my own head in . I even managed to go for interview and be offered new job while grieving . I'm supper proud of myself and we all on here should be and yes we all deserve better . Loads of love

Bloody well done ojojo1 !!!
That's fantastic! 👍🏻

I need to adopt the I'm Only Doing My Own Head In mindset

Any day now.... I am so sick of myself!!!

Thank you Molly i don't know if it helps but imagine that you only have certain amount of time on earth and he is stealing that precious time from you stealing your happiness stealing your joy .

I have written that down.

Stealing my time. Stealing my happiness. Stealing my joy.

I'm going to turn this around.