30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Hi Ladies- Hope you don't mind me joining!

Been following this thread for a few days now as I've been almost 2 months NC with a guy I was seeing briefly after me and my hubby split. Was only seeing him for 3 months but the effect he's had on me has been devastating! I consider myself a strong person but he managed to grind me down in such a short space of time it's left my head spinning! I'm doing loads better now although I have days of craving him (which is what led me here..) and although everyone on here is going through such a shit time, it's nice to feel I'm not alone. The thing I'm struggling with is how can someone you hardly know have this effect on you? Like it got to the point where I'd have dropped everything just to spend a night with him!! Just makes me feel really stupid.. But like I said- much better than I was and I've taken with me the fact that the last things I ever said to him were 'Fuck off.'

Hope everyone's doing okay! Stay strong. X

Unfkwithable 2 months NC is amazing. Have a read of the blog I posted the other day about sociopaths? Does that sound familiar? The short, intense thing is very similar to my situation. I'm only on day 6 and it hurts - alot - but we're all doing this together and we will get there.

Haha unfkwith - I'm pleased that that I had the wherewithal to say "you fool" before I stood up & walked when my ex broke up with me

Welcome Unfkwithable
Pls is right, sounds like a classic case. I got to the point where I would drop everything including work to spend time with him. Would he do the same back. Would he fuck

Also much like quite a few of us on here, we were coming out of very long marriages/relationships and were basically vulnerable
Amazing how it's a similar script for all.

Yesterday he asked me to meet him and I nearly did and then I didn't. Now that is a massive achievement for me. Stiff felt like shit though!!!

Well done gin 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Ashamed to say I'd go running 😿

Crap. I just text him. Failed again x

Excuse the x Too many 🍷🍷🍷

I would have gone running
He said he felt a bit unwell and can we meet next week to discuss
And I just thought. WTAF
NO WE FUCKING CANT YOU CUNT

Yes Ginloving - very apt use of cunt in this situation!

Pls - Had a good read! Scarily familiar!! He's a textbook narc, can't believe how they all have the same pattern haha!! So predictable.. 6 days is brilliant! Keep toughing it out- you'll get there! I know how hard it is though and it hurts like hell!

Molly - haha that's fab!

Thanks Gin! Yep, everything on their terms! That's an amazing achievement by sticking to your guns and not giving him the satisfaction- I take my hat off to you!

Thanks all for getting back to me, glad I've found this thread. Reassuring to know I'll have somewhere to come and chat if/when I'm having a moment of weakness! X

Stay with us unfkwith - this is a great thread. It's certainly helpful to me. Can't believe its Day 14. I will be happy when it's Day I'm not counting any more cos I'm over it!

Molly it's amazing you made it to 14 days!
Congrats!!!

I take it all back. I do love him. I've always loved him. He was the one person that was never going to hurt me and he did. I miss him. I know we don't work. I know we can't even be friends. But I miss him and I'm tired of hating him. It would be so easy right now to text him........he'd make me jump through some hoops but he's be mine again. I know that's not really what I want but I miss him. So lonely.

Pls
Remember, you are allowed to miss him. You're even allowed to love him
But he's treated you appalling, do you want to spend your life on eggshells losing your whole self to someone who could turn on you in a heartbeat
Really sit and think about how he would treat you.
You can't just make love disappear, but right now he doesn't cherish your love and in a way you have to grieve the loss of your love for him
He's shown you he cannot love you the way you deserve to be
Sorry you're struggling, we all know that feeling

Don't text him either. Come on here and spill it all out. It's a power game to him

Sometimes love just isn't enough. As I found out recently.
Hang in there & rant/rave/cry on here. Contacting him is a step in the wrong direction x

Oh I know - i won't contact him, I'm far too stubborn but I know I could. It hurts tooo much. I keep thinking 'if only'. I know he played me and will continue to play me if I let him but if only I'd gone along with his games I could have him.

I know if he really loved me he would move heaven and earth to be with me.......but my heart doesn't seem to agree.

I'm sooo tired of being strong in the morning then losing it in the evening. When will this get better?

Pls, you sound just like what's going through my head at the moment.

I think the reason I put up with being so controlled and always questioned is that I felt if I just go along with it and do what he wants then it's a small price to pay to get to be with him. That the things I wanted to do that he didn't approve were not important because I wanted him more. But that's no way to live (although sometimes I do still wonder...)

I was on day 4 but now back to day 1. I had a procedure done today he was meant to be taking me to and got 2 texts asking me to please at least confirm I'm ok afterwards. I held strong and ignored but then I got paranoid he would turn it around and guilt trip me by saying I made him worried about me by not replying. So I did. Short straight and to the point but still feel crappy.

That's a tough one. The guilt trip text
The I'm only showing you I care text
It's good at hooking people in again
I have to see him for work today first time in 4 weeks
I feel physically sick. My heart is pounding

Try and minimise your contact Gin

I wish we didn't work together
Not in the same office but we have to see each other
Summer hols have made it easier but it's going to get harder

So. confession time. Yes I have been Completely NC for over 2 weeks - but I have been keeping a covert eye on his twitter. #fail

so today was the first time he's posted since we split and now I understand why that has to be a no-no from now on. It was only a stupid retweet about the city we live in, but I just feel rubbish. Ridiculous.

I hate the whole social media thing
In the old days you would basically never know much about them once it was over. It's grim. I am guilty of looking and then spiralling out of control
I would say don't look, but I know how hard it is. I haven't managed it
Back to day 1/2 day for me. Why am I so shit at this

I'm going to give it a go Ginlady I think I have to...

This has been a set back for me.

In fact I need to step away from my phone altogether. It's become an addiction!
I was living in a little bubble thinking about why he hadn't tweeted or whatever. So what if he sodding well has. It doesn't change anything.

I'm going to count tomorrow as 16:1

Urgh, the urge to stalk social media is painful. Funnily enough my ex deleted his and yet I still really wish I could stalk. Almost like an urge to want to see.

I've been so strong. Ignored 3 messages last night after telling him what I thought. And then I just drove past him walking down the street... and now it's serious sit on hands time I hate this!!!