30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

What happened ginlady? Hope you're ok
Keeping busy today & really trying to minimise thinking about things

Hi all. I disappeared to a family member for the weekend.

Day 3 (again for the third time) and I just wish for time to pass quicker.

Day 1 and feel like cracking already. And simply because my friend (who doesn't know we have split) told me he'd bumped into him earlier.

Why has this suddenly made me want to drop everything and text him to get back together? Something so simple and it's suddenly taken away all the anger I have for him and made me miss him. This is awful.

Fuck!!! I want to get in touch - I want to tell him I love him and I'm sorry. What the fuck is wrong with me?! I'm building a harrassment case with the police yet I still love him?????? Need to get through this...

What you are feeling is not love, it's withdrawal from the dopamine. These type of on/off intermittent relationships turn us in to addicts who keep needing another hit of crazy shit. If we don't get it then withdrawal starts with all the yearning and longing for them.

Your brain is longing for dopamine. Not him.

I'm not doing 30 days no contact, but I'm really missing him today. My 30 days has long been and gone. We are friends of sorts, have been for many years. I'm not too involved with his life as I don't really want to know what is going on. I'm wondering if the girl he is dating makes him happy, happier than i made him. I wondering if he's with her now. So pointless to even be thinking this.

Just posting to say this:
There are a lot of us here feeling awful and feeling trapped by our emotions.
I had a little think today about all the men that I once felt deeply for. And what do I think of them today? Not much at all really. And certainly, no pain....

This too shall pass. Stay strong everyone.

Day 4 - I miss him, so much. I just want those 3 months back. I was on the up, I was holding my own and he came along and made life even nicer. Unfortunately he was the catalyst for such an hossific downturn that's it's completely messed everything up. Whilst I've figured out what the issue was and addressed it and I'm in a far better place in many ways than when I first met him I still ache: I wish I'm run away after our third date.

AvocadoQueen Thank you so much for that point! I got to thinking this morning what I actually miss about him. And actually I don't really miss him as much as the way he made me feel - the lovebombing! Whilst googling dopamine, lovebombing, etc etc I came across datingasociopath.com/ this website and have been pretty much reading it all day. It makes for some very painful reading but is really helping with the idea of moving forward. Hope it helps some of you too.

Day 4 here - still feeling strong at 3pm, thats a first!

I think part of it is trying to accept it's going to be painful, even when it doesn't feel like it should, then when the agony of longing kicks in at least it's not a total shock to the system.

When I'm in longing mode I find myself concocting all sorts of bizarre excuses to contact him. it's like a downward spiral of nonstop painful thoughts and feelings bombarding me.

I have had this before however with another man. What stopped it that time was getting a job with a company I really wanted to work for. My self worth shot up because I was so proud of myself. All of a sudden he didn't seem so shiny....

I hear you with the downward spiral avocado
Sometimes I just get so bored and fed up and just want to press Fast Forward....
It's a long, slow, tedious, painful process.
Sick of it!

Hi all
I've been away so haven't been on here for a few days.
Had a conversation with him about both of us letting go and I got very upset. But I've been thinking a lot about it all and he can't give me what I want but doesn't want to let me go. Perhaps typical narcissist

So I am thinking very hard about my boundaries and if I even want somone like that in my life. Which I don't.
Been a tough week. But yesterday and today i am feeling a bit stronger.
I think I miss the fantasy version of him and I'm trying to ground myself in reality a bit more
Hope everyone else is doing ok. X

Very up and down here. Actually. Mostly down....
2 weeks since breakup today.
Day 14 NC tomorrow.

On a more positive note: I was watching a bit of Matthew Hussey on YouTube, and one bit of breakup advice he gave resonated, and it was this.
Rather than worrying about distractions and trying to fill your days with friends/wine/hobbies etc, think of an area in your life that you want to make real progress in. And focus in on that. Work for that. As it will give a sense of satisfaction & also build your confidence.
I thought that was v good (and v doable) advice!!

Day 5 - had a strong positive day but not really feeling it now. Still going though.

I have to admit it'd getting better no more pain for me

Day 5. Bollocks. Just that, really.

DoI we can do this babe!! Regroup. start again. You were here for me. I'm here for you. xxxx

I don't want to....

It's hard in this day and age. I wish i could refrain from social media
It's like sticking a knife into your own heart
Doidonti
Sorry you're not feeling great
It's all so bloody shitty and unfair

And can someone tell me how the actual fuck you get over someone that you still love
Fuck it's so fucking hard when they're just trotting about their life happy as can be and I'm just totally fucked
It really doesn't feel like it will get better

Wow that 'Dating a sociopath' blog is fascinating! I could identify a lot of the stuff on there with my ex... Gin - I don't know. I'm the same as you, still love him and don't know how I'll get over it whilst he appears to be getting the fuck on with everything... I had to start NC again. Talked to him the other day via text, which escalated into an argument again. So now just completed three days of NC again. So hard when I want him back. My friend told me to listen to a song 'Dua Lila - New Rules'. Weirdly makes sense!

My lovely friend also constantly sends me little quotes like this...

I don't love him. He never loved me. I don't love him. He never loved me. I don't love him. He never loved me.

Day 6.........