30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Shit. Just messaged him. Hate myself. I miss him though.

Keep strong
It's one message. It will be tough
Start over, we are all aloud to fall down.
We Just have to make sure we get up again

*Allowed!

I sat alone after work and wrote a letter. On A4 with a pen. After several glasses of wine

There's a lot to be said for the
pen being mightier than the uncharged phone

It's so bloody hard!!!! Don't beat yourself up, Pls.

I managed to avoid ending up on his doorstep last night. But I'm angry at the universe (completely ridiculous) It's not fair. I know I was the one to ultimately end it. I've wiped him from my life but unfortunately I have s good memory. My life had been so shit for so long and long he came and we had such a great time. I've never fallen for anyone so hard, so quickly. I miss him. I wish I could just be his friend - I enjoyed his company and I miss our banter.

This is what riles me about OLD. Some men will talk first, couple of messages later and they appear not to be able to hold a conversation. Like no questions back ect ecrt. I find it too hard work so as soon as they sent a closed message i dont bother to reply anymore

I could have written your post DoI - word for word

I think the only way I'm going to pull myself out of this is to get angry

Except he was the one that ended it.

The anger really helps Molly - well, if it had stayed it would! Back to Day 1 for me........:-(

He didn't even reply to my text last night and I'm now fighting the urge to text him again saying "I didnt mean it, I was drunk". I know I've played right into his hands. He can keep me written as the psycho ex for a bit longer. I know him too well. I know how his head works. A little while ago I was prepared to accept that - let him say or think what he wants if it helps him get through it. Now I just think its so unfair. Not that it really matters, its just the injustice of it.

Don't text him again. If he didn't reply that speaks volumes. Rant on here instead

Oh I won't text him again. As I said, I know what he does now - he'll be rewriting history in his head, he'll make himself genuinely hate me and make it all my fault and him the victim. I've seen him do it loads of times in the past with other women (including me as I keep going back for more!). I really do think I'll be able to let him go this time. Its just not easy. I've known him for over half my life.

Well ladies. I've just signed up to POF, as a pure distraction

I have NO interest in getting together with anyone

Bet I will hide profile by dinner time tonight

MollyWantsACracker, that's a good idea! It has helped me in the past get over previous men BUT, as I'm sure you know, OLD is a bit of a minefield and not to be embarked upon with a fragile heart.

ThisIs I would step over an oiled, naked Tom Hardy at the moment 😑

Was thinking about getting back onto dating. I can't think of another way to move on. I'm just stuck on repeat
Had to talk again about work today and it just spiralled into me getting angry and upset and now I am back at square one.
I just don't know where to put all this pent up shit.
I keep asking for explanations and I know they don't exist. It's like trying to explain the unexplainable
I really don't know how to let go and move on

And I still want to see him desperately

I know all the advice is to go into dating from a "healthy place", whereas mine is an "I don't really give a fuck whether I meet someone or not" kind of place....

POF is a distraction Molly. Hide and unhide as and when you feel.

Day 6 - I'm wobbling horribly.

Molly

Good grief, now that is bad (stepping over Tom Hardy scenario) I think I could still manage an NSA bit of fun - but he'd have to be very attractive (more personality wise than looks)

I can say that that did help me through last year: had a friend who turned into an FWB. We both got what we wanted out of it, neither of us got hurt, there were no expectations (except for honest to God mind blowing sex) and it was a great distraction.

As I posted previously felt calmer for having seen him Saturday. Heard nothing from him since so asked if him and his kids fancied lunch with me and mine one day this week. He suggested tomorrow and I said I would have a look for somewhere suitable. Sent him a link to somewhere . Hes not replied . Going to leave it. Fucking pure rudeness not to say yes what time or no can't make it now. To just ignore. Fucking rude cunt. Fuck him

I did this - it really helped me get over my ex. Thoroughly recommend it.

On a shallower level, it was also quite good because the ex wanted to stay "friends" ie do everything we'd been doing before, but without being "together" officially. So it was a little revenge that he didn't get to have his cake and eat it.

The FWB red?

Yes, cheeky bugger. He was sending me 20 or 30 texts a day after we split up - not begging to get back together, just using me as an emotional crutch and someone to fill the time. It was very satisfying to tell him I wanted nothing more to do with him, and to stick with it. It was bloody hard work though.

I have to admit that it felt good - especially as it was someone the ex sort of knew. He has no idea to this day.

After six months of a few OLD relationships I don't think I have the energy for any more for the time being. I need to get my equilibrium back and I am not the kind of person who remains detached when sex is involved...

Actually, that's not true, strictly speaking. I am able, against my nature, to remain more or less detached. It's the man who becomes keener and then I start to feel involved...and then I push away for the slightest reason.

Yep, I really need to be on my own for the time being

It's been over a week since we were in touch. I find myself wishing I could send him a message anytime I do something which he loves doing too. I won't. I mustn't. I'm looking forward to feeling more detached in a few more weeks and not finding myself thinking about him the very second I wake up in the morning.