My porn revenge on Dh

[serephine16]

Ok- me 40, dh 44. So a few months back I found out my dh had been on a porn subreddit called gonewild a few times a week for months, which is basically real 18+ something women posting nudes of themselves. I was heavily pregnant and really low in myself, depressed and low self esteem, and in past conversations my dh had reassured me he wasn't the type to look at porn, disagreed with it vehemently to a point where he would get angry if I asked him did he ever use it. So we agreed porn had no place in our marriage. What has effected me the most, besides feeling totally inadequate was his ability to lie so convincingly and easily and it has created a huge trust problem in our marriage and I've struggled with this everyday since. Now to the point of this post- a little while after going through the subreddit he was on and torturing myself I discovered there was a gonewild30plus subreddit which again is women 30 and over posting nudes, so as pissed as I was with him I decided to get my own back and I posted a picture of my own boobs on the 30 plus page and I told him. During the time it was up I got messages and comments and upvotes from men and although I genuinely felt uncomfortable having such an intimate picture of myself on show, I felt very flattered and it upped my self esteem no end. I took the picture down as my Dh went completely crazy, extremely angry, and has said that what I have done is far far worse then him going onto the same type page basically for god knows how long and looking at many different pictures of young woman and lying to me about it. He's so angry he can't even think about it without blowing up. What I'm asking here is, was I completely out of order doing what I did? I genuinely don't think it's as bad as what he did, but am completely open to all your thoughts and opinions.
In hindsight I do realize tit for tat in a marriage is very unhealthy and I regret that aspect of it.

[blackteasplease]

People on here have really hit the nail on the head about why what you did served to highlight what he'd done.

But I agree that now you've highlighted that you need to think what to do about your marriage.

It's a sign of his selfishness that he thinks his hurt is so much more valid than yours. It isn't.

And what he said about your boobs being his is completely beyond the pale.

[MommaGee]

Porn is in no way the same as naked attraction unless you're getting off to it. Similarly looking at a link your friend sent you - I'd not be thrilled if DH did this but it would bother me less than him specifically going out looking for Porn.
And that's without any formal discussion on the matter

[Categoric]

I am very against porn but I think what you did was brilliant. It's really interesting that he can't control his anger over it but expects to control you.

I hope your counselling goes well but lying, objectifying women, thinking he has the right to own your body, anger management... I think it could take quite a long time.

[TatianaLarina]

I think the whole thing is bizarre, there's no way I'd degrade myself just to teach my husband a lesson. However, I do think part of his anger is not just about his weird misogynist idea of ownership of your breasts, but the fact you've made these pics real - it will be hard for him now to look at anonymous tits and not register that these are real women like you who have partners etc.

I would just keep repeating that the anger that he feels is commensurate with the anger that you feel so now he can grasp it.

[Greypaw]

What's the big difference? He did something that the OP didn't like knowing full well that she didn't like it, then lied about it. OP retaliated upon discovering the deception and also exposed his hypocrisy, but didn't lie to or deceive him. She sought to prove the point that the women he was looking at were also real people with husbands, children, parents etc. and that sexual gratification involving other people, even over the internet, had no place in their marriage. Unfortunately the point has been lost on him and he is pre-occupied with the notion that 'his' boobs have given other men pleasure, totally ignoring the fact the he has used other people's bodies for his own pleasure. He is a misogynist arse.

This, totally this. I feel like giving you a standing ovation, OP.

[Adora10]

What Grey says, with bells on.

[0ccamsRazor]

Feels pissed off and angry does he? Poor ikkle lamb

He thinks that his anger should be listened to, yet he does not afford you the same courtesy?

Fuck him and his lying double standards.

You deserve so much more than this 'man'

[StormTreader]

Your boobs are only for him to look at, because you both agreed that yours were the only ones he WOULD be seeking out to look at.

I dont agree with the attitude that he owns rights to you, but if thats the line hes taking then he needs to own ALL of that agreement, and he broke his side first.

[thethoughtfox]

You didn't do anything wrong; he did. However, your reasons for doing it were twisted.

[NoLoveofMine]

Is there any proof that those posting on such forums are actually posting images of themselves? Forums such as that are often used for "revenge porn" when pictures are posted of women (and girls) without their knowledge.

[Haffdonga]

Never has the phrase Tit for Tat been more true.

[WankYouForTheMusic]

They're both equal. If one isn't ok, and regardless of what anyone else thinks of porn you had agreed it wasn't, nor is the other. Agree with people saying he needs to own the agreement.

That said, your relationship is obviously not in a very good place right now. I'm laughing at the hypocrisy but, where do you go from here?

[AthenasOwl]

Utter genius! Kudos!
I’m not sure he will think twice before he ogles other women’s body’s though. Men who think the way he does tend to not see anything wrong in their behaviour.

[StaplesCorner]

So OP, we agree that your hurt is at least equal to if not more than his hurt, and he's the arse here. But as several posters have asked - what now?

What can you do?

Does he behave like a dick in other areas of your life?

Do you have RL support?

[Gemini69]

Sorry but this so the funniest Post I've read in a while ...

So.. let me get this straight He's HAPPY looking at other Housewives on this page.. but Not YOU... well that's a tad unbalanced...

Sweetheart what's good for the goose is good for the gander... you did absolutely the right thing to get your Feelings and Point across... your husband Deserved this Shock...

tell him to GROW UP or you'll start your OWN Website... and make a small fortune xxxxx

[TheStoic]

Another one applauding you, OP.

[provider5sectorzz9]

He regards you as his property, say like a car, he doesn't want other men taking it for spin but he's happy to have a little go in any other vehicle when the mood takes him.

He's a hypocrite with an anachronistic moral code
And you just owned the fucker 👍😁

[AthenasOwl]

Provider5 I loved that analogy! 100% accurate

[JAPAB]

I think posting naked pictures of yourself is probably the sort of thing you should at least discuss with a partner before doing. Not surprised that there will be people who might get a bit miffed about that part of it.

Of course if he then forbid it while still being happy to go on looking himself, then he is a hypocrite.

[PaintingOwls]

Standing ovation for you, OP

This is right up the same alley as men who cheat expect to be forgiven but would kick a woman out on her arse if she ever dared cheat on him. Same double standards.

I'm so glad that you're not standing for this.

[PaintingOwls]

JAPAB

But he already promised her he wouldn't look at porn, he has already broken that trust. If she suggested this to him he would just become more adept at hiding his behaviour.

This sharp lesson is having more of an impact than threatening to do it would have done.

[provider5sectorzz9]

He's so angry he can't even think about it without blowing up
In his mind he is the boss and you belong to him, he has rights over your body in particular the right of exclusive sexual access.
He on the other hand has the right to access other women's bodies as and when he pleases
He master you servant
he is furious because you have questioned his status and authority, you have disrespected him and his poor protohominid brain just can't handle it, the circuits are overloaded and he's blowing fuses all over the place
🤣😂😆😅😄

[SherlockStones]

Both the OP and her husband deserve each other, pathetic.