My porn revenge on Dh

[serephine16]

Ok- me 40, dh 44. So a few months back I found out my dh had been on a porn subreddit called gonewild a few times a week for months, which is basically real 18+ something women posting nudes of themselves. I was heavily pregnant and really low in myself, depressed and low self esteem, and in past conversations my dh had reassured me he wasn't the type to look at porn, disagreed with it vehemently to a point where he would get angry if I asked him did he ever use it. So we agreed porn had no place in our marriage. What has effected me the most, besides feeling totally inadequate was his ability to lie so convincingly and easily and it has created a huge trust problem in our marriage and I've struggled with this everyday since. Now to the point of this post- a little while after going through the subreddit he was on and torturing myself I discovered there was a gonewild30plus subreddit which again is women 30 and over posting nudes, so as pissed as I was with him I decided to get my own back and I posted a picture of my own boobs on the 30 plus page and I told him. During the time it was up I got messages and comments and upvotes from men and although I genuinely felt uncomfortable having such an intimate picture of myself on show, I felt very flattered and it upped my self esteem no end. I took the picture down as my Dh went completely crazy, extremely angry, and has said that what I have done is far far worse then him going onto the same type page basically for god knows how long and looking at many different pictures of young woman and lying to me about it. He's so angry he can't even think about it without blowing up. What I'm asking here is, was I completely out of order doing what I did? I genuinely don't think it's as bad as what he did, but am completely open to all your thoughts and opinions.
In hindsight I do realize tit for tat in a marriage is very unhealthy and I regret that aspect of it.

[MrsDoylesTeaParty]

This is weird OP.. I've been thinking of similar recently. My DP doesn't visit those subreddits but does look at the pictures if they appear on the main feed. I know it's a natural male thing but I still don't like him appreciating young bodies when mine has given him children. I was thinking of posting on there too but not as revenge, just to see if he'd upvote it! I'm not brave enough at the moment though. Tricky isn't it.. Sometimes I just want to live alone and never have a relationship again, and just have casual encounters when I want them so I don't have to be emotionally invested or care about the things a man gets up to.

[MattBerrysHair]

I totally understand why you've done it, but now you've exposed his misogyny what are you going to do? It's clear he doesn't understand the point you've made as he's still angry about other men looking at 'his' boobs. What if he continues to not get it? Personally I wouldn't be able to continue in a relationship with someone who sees me as his property and thinks so little of women in general. His deception prior to your discovery would also be a deal breaker. How are you going to move forward from this?

[nachogazpacho]

Sadly I don't think anything you do would change his mind. Men either get it re. porn and women's right to own their bodies or they don't. He doesn't. Whilst it might have seemed like you would show him by posting the pic, all you've done is increased his desire to control women's bodies. That's because his brain won't allow him to see women having equal autonomy over their bodies.

[Velvian]

Op took back some power, which is exactly what she needed to do. Having a baby can make you extremely vulnerable & low in your relationship. Even the "nicest" men can take advantage when there is a new baby on the scene. Your dh was only prepared for you have as much power as he allowed you. Well done for blowing that out of the water. You knew where your power to make a point lay and you used it. A good lesson for him not to treat you with such disrepect again. Honesty is the way forward. Good luck, op.

[ofudginghell]

Tell him that's how angry you feel when he's ogling other women's pictures when he has you at home.
He's married to you and him looking at others obviously has affected your self esteem.
He shouldn't have lied about it,he obviously knew you guys had decided it wasn't something either of you agreed with which is why he lied.
The shock factor may well work op.

If he's really angry about it tell him that's how you feel about him lying and how he made you feel.
Tell him to get over it and move on together.

I know il get flamed but itl teach him to be abit more bloody thoughtful next time

[Rhubarbtart9]

Yes they seem pretty equal. Although I'm not bothered about mainstream porn itself. Him lying to you and secretly using the websites seems equal to you getting revenge. However it does seem an odd way to work through issues.

[Rhubarbtart9]

Yes I also think you need to reflect everything back on him. When he's angry or whatever, tell him that's exactly how you felt being lied to

[AngelaTwerkel]

Another one saying it's a genius idea. Not necessarily a mature approach, but inspired all the same.

Your DH is a hypocrite. And another man who can't think of women as people, only objects in relation to themselves.

[ShizeItsWeegie]

I think what you did was brilliant and stellar and the most massive 'fuck you' ever. Genius OP genuinely. I love you a bit for doing what you did!

[AlternativeTentacle]

but I'm under no illusion to the type of men trawling through these pictures and I don't take it as a compliment at all.

Men like your husband?

[AlternativeTentacle]

I also this it is genius.

Literally 'see how they like them apples'. They did like those apples, and your hubby should be ashamed of himself not going mad at you.

[TheNaze73]

I think you both need to sit down & have a proper conversation. You both sound hard work

[LondonBees]

Good on you OP.

[muckypup73]

See your fella was looking at the pics, there is a big difference between that and actually uploading a pic of yourself, you took it one step further.

[acatcalledjohn]

He says that my boobs were for only him to see and now that's ruined.

A bit like the trust you are supposed to be able to have in him. But he decided to risk that by lying.

You may not have covered yourself in glory, but his double standards are quite something. Would he prefer you to cover up in a full burka so that other men can't see you as that would ruin 'you' for him?

[serephine16]

@ thenaze73, we've sat down and had many conversations- thanks for the suggestion tho
Most relationships/ marriages have periods of hard work, lucky you to have never been or experienced hard work, thanks for that comment too.

[WomblingThree]

Isn't it great ladies, how all the menz are coming on to mansplain to us how we should think/feel/behave. Yay

[Pru24]

If 'your boobs are for him to look at' why is happy to look at others online? I think ur reaction is genius!! Taste of his own medicine! Id say if you find out again hes lying, then ill post again & keep it a secret like he is. Then he can appreciate the attention he is giving someone else & know how nice it must be for you to recieve this attention from someone else. Its no different, one is just more socially acceptable! Men are expected to look at porn but a wife posting it, is somehow a reflection on her self respect! Good for you, hope he bucks up his ideas!

[RockyBird]

I'm quite impressed at you calling his bluff OP. His double standards, and some previous posters on this thread, are hilarious.

I've no knowledge of ginewild, other than it exists, but by the sound of it (repeating I don't know) it's not as bad as actual porn if consenting adults are uploading pics of themselves.

If a mate sent me a link to say 50 nude bloke pics, I'd probably have a good look through them. It's on par with watching naked attraction on telly or similar...unless I'm missing something.

[MommaGee]

He lied to you. Repeatedly. He got off looking at other women. And he claimed ownership of your breats. None of that is covering him in glory.

What you did want great for many eelaaons but I can see how you got pushed to that point.

His anger now is part anger, part indignation and part defense to deflect away from what he did.

Does he really think that every women on there is single or that as soon as she gets a bf they take down their picture? That he himself hasn't looked at the breasts ""belonging""" [vomit] to other men?

[MattBerrysHair]

See your fella was looking at the pics, there is a big difference between that and actually uploading a pic of yourself, you took it one step further.

What's the big difference? He did something that the OP didn't like knowing full well that she didn't like it, then lied about it. OP retaliated upon discovering the deception and also exposed his hypocrisy, but didn't lie to or deceive him. She sought to prove the point that the women he was looking at were also real people with husbands, children, parents etc. and that sexual gratification involving other people, even over the internet, had no place in their marriage. Unfortunately the point has been lost on him and he is pre-occupied with the notion that 'his' boobs have given other men pleasure, totally ignoring the fact the he has used other people's bodies for his own pleasure. He is a misogynist arse.

[FirsttimemumJan18]

The fact that he made such a big issue of not being interested in porn and agreed there is no place for it in your marriage is where all this stems from and when he got caught out he had no valid excuse...why did he feel he had to lie in the first place?!

Personally, I wouldn't be bothered if my DP looked at porn and certainly wouldn't question their commitment to me but respect the agreement you had with your partner.

I do think you over reacted a little bit by uploading a pic of yourself but you felt that's what you needed to do to get his attention...& it worked!!!

However, there's a danger now he will reflect what you did FOREVER and compare that it's way worse than him just looking.

The bottom line is...there is no trust and the relationship needs work...good luck!🍀

[Loxy4527]

A lot of people have already said the right things, I just wanted to wish you luck in the counselling. I hope you can both find trust in each other again. Once that's done don't forget to take time rediscovering your physical relationship too xxx

[FritzDonovan]

If a mate sent me a link to say 50 nude bloke pics, I'd probably have a good look through them. It's on par with watching naked attraction on telly or similar...unless I'm missing something.
rocky would you still do that if you'd had the conversation with your oh saying you weren't interested and wouldn't look, knew they didn't like it, did it anyway and then lied about it?

[HipsterHunter]

I'm quite impressed at you calling his bluff OP. His double standards, and some previous posters on this thread, are hilarious.

^This