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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure if this is the right place - DH insists I have a psychiatric disorder

133 replies

soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 09:16

Not sure if I should maybe post in mental health.

Things have been difficult with DH for a while. Not sure if it is me of him.

He insists I have a mental/psychiatric illness/disorder and asked me to seek help and told me I must get a formal diagnosis - otherwise he will leave me and the DC as he cannot cope with me anymore.

I really don't think there is anything 'wrong'. Friends never mention anything. I have worked all my life and never had issues at work. My family think I am normal.

Is it still possible that I have something going on that needs treatment? I am starting to doubt myself Sad

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 09/07/2017 09:18

What does he allege are you symptoms?

FitbitAddict · 09/07/2017 09:18

Sounds like gaslighting to me. What is it that makes him say that?

Original poster
soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 09:24

he constantly criticises me . my cooking is bad, my cleaning is bad, I am ugly, I am fat (size 8). it is relentless at time and I cry a lot when he keeps on telling me off. I am tired (work and little kids + running the house) and it just gets to me.

I know I am a rubbish cook and that the house is a tip and and that I am not on top of things. I just end up crying a lot. I never really cry but for him.

He says a 'normal' person would better themselves, not just cry. he says that I am emotionally disturbed Stuff like that. I guess he has some point. I should really stay cool and calm...

I am so confused

OP posts:
Original poster
soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 09:27

but then - he knows me better than anybody else and if he insists, I suppose there could be 'somrthing'

OP posts:
FaithAgain · 09/07/2017 09:28

Is he qualified to say you have a psychiatric disorder?! Does he help around the house or just criticise you? I would seek help. I doubt you have a psychiatric disorder but I think if you seek you will probably find that you see things more clearly and realise that the only reason you feel awful is because your H is treating you so badly. You deserve better than this.

MrsBertBibby · 09/07/2017 09:28

You do indeed have a serious problem. You are married to an ocean-going copper-bottomed turd.

How is his cooking and cleaning, out of interest?

Gunpowder · 09/07/2017 09:29

I would imagine any mental problems you do have (you don't seem ill from what you've posted here) will disappear as soon as you get rid of your horrible bully of a husband.

Composteleana · 09/07/2017 09:29

Gaslighting, bullying and abuse. What does he do to keep on top of the house? The way he speaks to you is disgusting. I think he's massively projecting his own issues onto you. Of course you cry when he says such despicable things to you, I'd cry if my DP spoke like that to me - it's a perfectly rational response!

I think speaking to a counsellor/therapist would be a good idea, but only to help you get a clearer picture of what is going on here and, hopefully to get the courage to leave this awful, abusive man.

Original poster
soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 09:30

he is not helping much - but he works longer hours then me so I do make it up by doing the household.

OP posts:
UnicornRainbowPoo · 09/07/2017 09:30

I diagnose a case of severe arseholeishness on his part, there is nothing wrong with you. He doesn't love you, you are his emotional punchbag. I am not surprised you end up crying he's horrible to you. Hugs and Flowers Time to think about what you want and to leave this man.

IrritatedUser1960 · 09/07/2017 09:30

Yup he is a vile bully. The quickest way to find out if you have a mental disorder is to go and chat to your doctor and when you have been found to have no mental disorder you can tell him to go to hell.
What a bastard.

SoniaWainos · 09/07/2017 09:31

It seems weird for sure - though just because this is Relationships, doesn't mean it's gaslighting! I agree the main question is why he says this.

The way you've asked the question is interesting. Yes, it is possible for someone to have a serious problem even though they work and other people haven't said anything. "High functioning depression" for example. What seems less likely is that you could be ill when you don't think there is anything wrong. OTOH you presumably know what he thinks your symptoms are, and you didn't say "He claims things happen that simply don't", nor "He claims that this completely normal behaviour is a sign of illness". Which is interesting - why?

InfiniteCurve · 09/07/2017 09:32

The problem is him.
How is the 50% of the cooking and cleaning which he does as his part of running the household?
Don't be confused.You are only crying with him - that's because his nasty bullying behaviour is making you cry,and that is him at fault not you.

SoniaWainos · 09/07/2017 09:33

xpost ignore me!!

AshesEmbersFlames · 09/07/2017 09:33

This sounds awful OP.

He is gaslighting you and making you doubt yourself which is awful.

tccat · 09/07/2017 09:33

A normal loving husband does not do this to his wife
He is emotionally abusing you, if he genuinely thought there was something wrong with you the normal response would be to do everything he could to support you and be kind and loving
No one can be fat at a size eight, so you know he's lying and deliberately making you feel bad about yourself, you don't have to put up with this, go and get some counselling, go and see your GP , get some help to see this horrible man for who he is

Original poster
soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 09:33

not sure if he is horrible.

Do other husband's never tell their wives off, calling them names etc. It is sort of normal for me. I cannot image a relationship where this is not the case.

I think I am seriously fucked up.

OP posts:
SoniaWainos · 09/07/2017 09:34

Sorry, in light of your later posts I agree with everyone else: your problem is him, LTB.

Onedayoneday · 09/07/2017 09:34

When my ex tried to convince me I was ill, I went to the gp who confirmed I was absolutely fine and the problem was I just didn't want to be with him any more and he couldn't accept it.

MrsBertBibby · 09/07/2017 09:35

Presumably if he leaves you he will starve in filth or do his own shitwork?

Cleaning the home isn't one person's job. You both make the mess, you both clean it up. That's common courtesy. Even when I was off work, my partner didn't expect to be absolved of his share. Although I did take over ironing his shirts.

SoniaWainos · 09/07/2017 09:35

No, truly, other people's husbands don't do those things.

MrsBertBibby · 09/07/2017 09:36

Tell you off? Are you a child?

mumonashoestring · 09/07/2017 09:36

I wonder what he's going to do to keep you meek and obedient once you've seen the Dr and been told there's nothing wrong with your mental health that a bit more support from your partner wouldn't solve?

You're holding down a job, keeping the house running and keeping your kids fed, clothed and cared for, and the only thing that makes you cry is him. The problem isn't you darling.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 09/07/2017 09:37

It's not you, it's him. Think about it, if you suspected that someone had a psychiatric disorder 😒Would you leave children with them? How much help does he give you? (I bet none) Turn it round, a normal person would help someone who was struggling. Why is he so keen on a diagnosis? So he feels justified when he walks out? Honey, you're being gas lighted in preparation for this. Get in first, stay calm, ducks in a row, talk to someone in RL.

tccat · 09/07/2017 09:37

Only the abusive ones call their wives names, what has happened to you to make you think this is acceptable? It's not, it's really not, he's a horrible bully