Not sure if this is the right place - DH insists I have a psychiatric disorder

[soulsearch1ng]

Not sure if I should maybe post in mental health.

Things have been difficult with DH for a while. Not sure if it is me of him.

He insists I have a mental/psychiatric illness/disorder and asked me to seek help and told me I must get a formal diagnosis - otherwise he will leave me and the DC as he cannot cope with me anymore.

I really don't think there is anything 'wrong'. Friends never mention anything. I have worked all my life and never had issues at work. My family think I am normal.

Is it still possible that I have something going on that needs treatment? I am starting to doubt myself

[Spadequeen]

Does he have any good qualities? If so, are they really that good or is that just what he's telling you?

[EllenRipley]

Oh OP, this is horrible. The only problem you have - and it's one that can be fixed - is that you're so trapped into the world he's created for you that you're doubting yourself. Your self esteem has been eroded. As others have said, the real problem is him, and this is not normal. He's emotionally abusing you. You need to shed some light on what is actually happening here, and this is a good start. It could be a massive revelation for you. Do some reading on the subject, talk to others as you're doing here and in real life if possible - friends, family and professionals who can help. And then, when you feel stronger, get your life back. Please don't live like this for the rest of your life!

[annoyedand]

Maybe if he stopped doing so
Much sports and tried to help you round the house have you a few
Compliments and tried to spend some time with the kids you wouldn't be so depressed. You sound depressed as you're husband is emotionally abusive to you and is a complete twat !

[BloodWorries]

OP I hope things work out for you.

My dad was/is controlling and my mum manipulative. But even he wasn't this bad. I thought it was normal too until I met my DP. I actually ended up practically living with his family and saw the light. Swore I'd never be like that but traits keep popping up and DP has to pull me up on them otherwise I think it's normal. I'm getting better but it's a long road.
But I'd never tell DP there was something wrong with him, I'd never threaten to leave. But my dad did this all the time to my mum. She still believes it. And messes with her meds because my dad insists they aren't working to the point she 100% believes they aren't working and she needs help/fixing.

But no, his behaviour is unacceptable.
I would suggest going to counselling or similar, since your 'D'H is insisting it's you anyway he should be okay with this. They can help you see how things should be and get the strength to leave him.

I'd also suggest making sure he can't find this post. Not all controlling men are physically abusive, but I'm fairly sure if my dad found something like this it would of been hell for my mum.

[rightwhine]

The fact he wants you to get help might be your saving grace - but not for the reasons he thinks.
See what your gp says. Show him your post to begin with.

[crazykitten20]

The mans a twat. See your GP and Women's Aid. Get support for you because you are dealing with a manipulative narcissistic bully. Much love ❤️

[MadisonMontgomery]

He's a dickhead. Seriously go & see your GP if you're worried, and tell them what you've told us. The problem is with him, not you.

[ExplodedCloud]

Let's take one quantifiable fact from your OP. You are a size 8. And he says you are fat. You can't be fat and a size 8.
So if you accept that's not true then you have to question everything else he says.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is, as everyone else says, that his behaviour is not normal or kind and you would do well to seek help to get him out of your life.

[LuxuryWoman2017]

He is a total cunt hey? Because yes of course you would leave your kids with somebody with a mental disorder.

I would see your GP to be honest and tell them about this abuse, it must be wrecking you.

My formal diagnosis is he a bully and hellbent on trashing you.

[Roomba]

Interestingly, your post could have been mine a few years ago

Mine too. Even I ended up convinced I was a lazy, useless, mentally unstable, nasty woman - when the reality was it was entirely my ex who was the lazy, useless, nasty one. I would sob as he constantly berated me and criticised my cooking, cleaning, my interests, my parenting. Then I realised that if I was so lazy, how come it was me running round like a blue arsed fly while he sat and 'worked' on his unprofitable business? I never had a second to myself where I wasn't expected to be doing something 'useful'.

I did book counselling sessions but stopped after a few weeks when it became apparent that there was nothing 'wrong' with me other than his presence in my life. I didn't tell him I'd stopped - I'd go out for two hours every Friday for my 'appointment' and would instead just sit in the car and read a book (no time for that at home under his regime!). It was two hours of bliss that gave me the strength to find my voice and tell him it was over. My life is so, so much happier now - I can't express just how much better I feel!

You can't carry on living like this - your children will grow up having learned to treat you like a skivvy whose opinion is worth nothing as you are 'mad'. They will repeat this abusive relationship pattern when they are older - so continuing in this situation means he is damaging your children too. My friend's 19 year old son speaks to her like dirt and just laughs at her, because he's learned this from his father. Don't end up like that. Please.

[Tatiannatomasina]

Please divorce this shitbag. Go see a solicitor, get some advice, take charge of your life and kick him so far into touch you never see him again. ARSEHOLE. There is a life out there with your name on it, start running towards it now.

[ZaZathecat]

Yes seek help - from a solicitor to start divorce proceedings and if necessary from Womens Aid to help you escape from this abusive git. Even his logic is flawed: mental health problems cannot make you fat or ugly! (Even if size 8 could be considered fat in this universe, and even if, in his opinion, you were ugly - which would be weird as he must have been attracted to you in the first place). He's stupid as well as abusive.

[MsStricty]

Your husband is the one with the mental health issues - he is projecting all of his self-loathing on to you. I echo everyone here who says to leave, and then find a way forward by exploring your own ideas of what "normal" has become for you.

Best of luck, OP

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Its not you, its him. He is trying to gaslight you and that type of behaviour is abusive in nature. He is deliberately trying to confuse you and he is the one seriously messed up here. He is trying to drag you down with him.

Why are you together at all?. What do you get out of this relationship now?

[honeylulu]

It is not you who has a disorder, it is him. That well known disorder called Being A Cunt.

[Eggandchipsfortea93]

Your description sound like the behaviour of a cruel, Victorian employer, toward a lowly servant. It would be wrong in that context (he'd be the villain in a book!), and it has no place at all in a marriage. It sounds as if you may be .moving toward depression from his constant bullying, but there's an easy solution - you'llbfeel a whole lot better without him.

[LisaMed1]

Watch he isn't checking your browsing history.

[Ceto]

So if he has the energy to do lots of sport, he can divert some of that to looking after his children. But of course he's never going to do that, because it doesn't fit with his self-image.

OP, he's really not worth the dirt on your shoe. Next time he threatens to leave, offer to help him pack.

[LuchiMangsho]

No never been told off.

DH works longer hours than me. And earns more. Still cooks on weekends. Does all the laundry. I clean and do the kids' stuff. I have breakfast and tea made for me every weekend. Takes both kids including the baby out for a few hours every weekend. Regularly asks me how he can help more (knows I am tired with the baby). He's not perfect- but never 'tells' me anything. Has never commented on my figure except to compliment me. Although we both need to get fitter.

In my last pregnancy I ended up in hospital for 7 weeks. DH did EVERYTHING for those 7 weeks including everything for DS1 and never ever let on how hard he found it and how worried he was for me.

To me this is a normal relationship.

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

Op you sound a bit depressed. Which is no surprise given how you are being treated.

What a frightening picture of a relationship.

Does he do anything nice for you? How old are the kids?

What do u do for a living?

[Composteleana]

No, my DP does not tell me off nor call me names. He did call me a name once in the early days of our relationship when he was very very stressed and lashing out. I told him if he ever used that tone with me or used insulting names with me again I'd leave. I meant it. He never has. He had truly crap communication skills at first and anxiety that led him to shut down and push me away when he felt out of his comfort zone. We both had lived alone for a long time and struggled to adapt to sharing a space. I'm messier and more generally 'chaotic' than him, he needs order and routine and found it hard when I moved into his space. It has been hard work yes, and I've wondered sometimes if we were going to make it work, but we worked TOGETHER and now we communicate really well. If the hose does get messy (because we've BOTH allowed it to) he might say 'right come on we need to sort the hose out, it's stressing me out', but he certainly wouldn't see it as my sole responsibility or tell me off.

My dad did though, insulting, swearing, bullying, etc. He adored my mum in some ways but was equally happy to treat her and talk to her like a piece of shit. All four of us siblings had a traumatic time because of it and none of us escaped the scars, either replicating the pattern or growing up insecure and frightened. I would urge you to get your DC away from this abusive, toxic situation as it will be damaging for them too.

[Composteleana]

*house obviously, not hose!

[BrassicaBabe]

I read another thread this morning where OP Sarah wasn't allowed out with her friends. Now I read about your horrible situation. Your DH is not "love, honouring or cherishing" you. I honestly weep for the plight here. Hope you find a way through and out. Much love x

[oldtrees]

DP never tells me off, no. Never.

I'd echo what the others are saying, he's the problem.

Well done, you've taken the first step towards being free of this problem, the scales are falling from your eyes.

Love is an action, not just what you say you feel inside. He is not acting like he loves and cares for you, not at all.

[oldtrees]

My friend's 19 year old son speaks to her like dirt and just laughs at her, because he's learned this from his father. Don't end up like that.

Roomba that's awful.