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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure if this is the right place - DH insists I have a psychiatric disorder

133 replies

soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 09:16

Not sure if I should maybe post in mental health.

Things have been difficult with DH for a while. Not sure if it is me of him.

He insists I have a mental/psychiatric illness/disorder and asked me to seek help and told me I must get a formal diagnosis - otherwise he will leave me and the DC as he cannot cope with me anymore.

I really don't think there is anything 'wrong'. Friends never mention anything. I have worked all my life and never had issues at work. My family think I am normal.

Is it still possible that I have something going on that needs treatment? I am starting to doubt myself Sad

OP posts:
bouncemeup · 09/07/2017 10:12

OP you do not have to put up with this any longer! I agree with the posts recommending you try to get help from women's organisations, and perhaps seeing a professional counsellor about building back your self esteem. Never allow anyone to use words that don't edify or bring joy to your life, whether he is your husband or not. He sounds like an abuser in my opinon and despite what people say, it is not compulsory for a woman to cook and clean, in a marriage this is an opportunity to really show great partnership. I wish you all the best OP.

AlternativeTentacle · 09/07/2017 10:15

otherwise he will leave me and the DC as he cannot cope with me anymore.

Funny that - if you really did have a psychiatric disorder that meant you were bad enough to leave, he thinks you would still be fine with the kids.

I'd suggest that you take him up on his offer. In a 'oh dear poor you having to live me horrible old me, best you pack your bags immediately and get the fuck away from me. Fuckity bye now.

abbsisspartacus · 09/07/2017 10:15

He is going to leave you and the kids? There is your answer if you were mentally unstable no sane person would leave you in charge of children

MrsMozart · 09/07/2017 10:20

If my husband spoke to me like that he'd sharp be an ex-husband.

Ceto · 09/07/2017 10:24

So, when he says you're fat at size 8, what size is he? I'm willing to bet someone who makes his wife run round doing all the work at home isn't exactly sylph-like.

mum22boys83 · 09/07/2017 10:27

You are me. 8 years ago.
He hated my cooking.
He worked more than me, so I had to do everything in the house because he worked longer hours, from dc to house work.
He made me wear make up. Or called me names.
He gave me house keeping money out the joint account!

If I did everything ok and to his standards I could go where I wanted around his schedule and spend what I wanted. It was like a reward scheme!

Your being abused!
I ended up with PTSD! He caused it!

I thought it was normal! Normal!

I only got out as I had a break from him as he went away and I thought hang on! The penny dropped, I spoke up and I had been brainwashed!

He also had me treated for anxiety! He was #ucking causing it! I thought he loved me and I was the one that was useless at everything!

I left him and I'm still recovering!

Please go see your gp ! You need to talk to someone. It's not you!

I was chucked out all the time, he even had me begging on hands and knees at 6 months pregnant telling him I would try harder! He threatened to leave me for good, telling me I had no chance of keeping the kids as everything was in his name and I would loose them as I would have no money and no house, Once the police told me how it was control it gave me the confidence to leave! And I never lost the kids, years on the kids walked away from him!
I talk to all his family and he was dis owned!
10 years I suffered this.
Please talk to someone!

Original poster
soulsearch1ng · 09/07/2017 10:27

veto
I am very short - I am certainly no skinny (but not fat either). He is very fit. he does lots of sport

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 09/07/2017 10:28

If you had a friend who made you feel that bad about yourself and your capabilities, you would get rid quick .... a husband is supposed to be a support, someone who loves and cares for you and treats you with respect ... basically a friend but much better. Think about it and make plans to move onwards and upwards - this is mental abuse and it's working .. he is the reason you are not coping and crying all the time - just him, not you Flowers

TheGoblinKing · 09/07/2017 10:31

If he really thought you had a psychiatric disorder, he wouldn't leave the kids with you. Not if he was a decent father anyway. He's a knob and a bully.

SpringTown46 · 09/07/2017 10:32

Print out your posts here into a word document. Take it to your GP. See what they think about it! They will have seen this scenario more than a few times before - when their patient has an abusive partner. This will log things clearly and with an independent professional, which is a good first move. He is a bad husband and a bad father (think what your children will be learning). Women's aid will help you see things clearly.

SaS2014 · 09/07/2017 10:34

I'm sorry to say the name if your 'illness' is dickhead of a husband.
Forgive the bluntness but you poor soul having such a horrible man trying to make you feel as if you are ill and you are wrong. You are not.
He sounds awful, he's controlling and demanding and demeaning and hateful.

I think the fact that the only time you feel bad and cry is as a reaction to his cruel words etc says all you need to know!

I'm sorry he makes life so difficult, you do not deserve that and your children do not deserve to see their mother treated in this way.

Applebloom · 09/07/2017 10:37

Agreeing with a lot of PP Why exactly would this man leave you with his DC if he really believed you had a serious mental health disorder??
So you are not sane enough for him but OK to work, look after kids and manage a household?? Kids are fed I bet, in clean clothes/uniforms etc you function enough to cook daily meals and shop for these without any support from this man I bet.
He doesn't even support you calls you names criticises your cooking but you still function
. You sound sane to me infact you sound very strong to not have given up under the enormous pressure of his emotional abuse!

Ask yourself Why is he not sharing the load, treating you kindly, supporting you or allowing you time and space to heal?? Insults and criticisms don't cure mental health.
He is the root of your problems

Go to your gp tell him what you have written here, access counseling and get in touch with womens aid. Seek real support.

fluffiphlox · 09/07/2017 10:39

I'll give you a diagnosis: your husband is an arsehole.

IHateUncleJamie · 09/07/2017 10:41

Have a read of this, my love: www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-conflict/what-emotional-abuse

nakedscientist · 09/07/2017 10:42

Do other husband's never tell their wives off, calling them names etc
No love, they don't. Flowers

OnlyAQuickNC · 09/07/2017 10:43

.

notanurse2017 · 09/07/2017 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 09/07/2017 10:46

Jesus Christ op. You're seriously abused. Have you really lost so much of yourself and your perspective that you don't know how awful your living condions are?

To clarify it for you, you and your husband should be equal. He should not call you names, he should not tell you off, he should treat you with respect and you should be able to make your own decisions on what you wish to do, be it clean or sit on your arse.

Seek help immediately. Do not let this continue for a moment longer. If you can't do it for you, do it for your children, you cannot bring them up in a home where this abuse is going on.

alltouchedout · 09/07/2017 10:49

I'll diagnose you right now as suffering from a bad case of "being abused by a twat".
You'd be surprised just how many abusive men accuse their victims of being mentally ill. A number of those victims do end up unwell- but with depression, anxiety, PTSD etc, caused by their abuser. There was nothing wrong with them before and once they get away from him they can heal. The only cure for what you have is to be rid of him.

ememem84 · 09/07/2017 10:49

Nope other husbands don't tell their wives off. Dh sometimes calls me names but not in a nasty way. More in a vomit inducing sweet pet name way. This mornings was "flufflebunny" I have taken to referring to him as "lovechicken". It's a game we play.

Orangetoffee · 09/07/2017 10:50

Please do take his 'advice' of seeking professional help. It will help your mental health and save you from a life of misery (him!)

And no, decent partners do not tell each other off or call them names.

ememem84 · 09/07/2017 10:51

As others have suggested seek help.

Maybe do make an appointment with your gp. Tell them what you've told us. Tell them dh thinks your cooking is bad your cleaning is not up to scratch. Tell them you're not allowed to sit and watch tv. They may be able to help.

SleepTyping · 09/07/2017 10:53

He doesn't hold you in much regard if he's constantly telling you off, calling you names, and making you feel like crap all the time. I hope you'll be able to someday find someone who will treat you well and have you not thinking this is normal behaviour.

notapizzaeater · 09/07/2017 10:53

He's an abusive prick. Start making plans to LTB - he will not get better.

Real partners don't belittle their partners.

BonnibelBubblegum · 09/07/2017 10:55

He is gaslighting you. You need to leave him.

My ex did this to me for months and even convinced my own family I was mental! I even questioned myself! He was having an affair and doing all this so he wouldn't look like the bad one when it all ended.

He constantly put me down and made me feel worthless and like I was lucky to have him. Compared me to exes, mates partners, called me names, said I was a loser and had no hope in life etc.

The best thing I ever did in my life was leave him

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