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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He just asked me for a written apology....lol

171 replies

nightingalesong35 · 09/07/2017 03:05

My DP is emotionally abusive. He gets angry and "to his limit" as soon as i breathe wrong. During the two years relationship i heard all sorts of crap , nothing is ever good enough. I am lucky he chose me , he d rather choose a hooker than me ( i am worse than a hooker because fifteen years ago i had a child with another man, which i miscarried), i am an embarrassment to his family because another mans sperm was inside me, other people like me because they dont know me like he does, he though i was as clever as him but he realizes that my IQ is around 80 etc etc etc Everything is always my fault , even things that happened before he met me. He is perfect, he knows everything, he will correct me in my job because "he reads the internet and knows", he will get a tantrum if i dont admire him enough when he plays games on pc in fact he will throw tantrums over everything. If i try to talk "i hurt him" and couple of times he even pretended to have heart attack so he can avoid answering about his actions. I could write a book full of his crap. I changed , i became a miserable . scared creature , walking on eggshells , trying desperately to please mr dickhead. Tonight though i exploded .I was cleaning all day and he was asleep. When he woke up he demanded to wait for him to get ready and he didnt even let me finish my sentence because he was busy and he knew what i was going to say. I told him enough and i wont wait for him, i will just finish the housework. I know it wasnt major reason but it was the straw that broke the camels back. He said that i hurt him and he said that he will hold that against me and he is sure that it will cause problems in our relationship. He called me cruel and he demanded an apology in writing if i want to make him feel better. I told him that i dont apologize for nothing and he hang the phone. Ten minutes later he called to tell me that i dont care and that i dont give him what he needs . He needs me to get upset and chase him when he hangs up the phone on me because that shows care. I told him that i am not 12 and that mentality doesnt apply to adults. Mad, mental dickhead

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 09/07/2017 03:09

I hope you have a plan in place to leave...

EBearhug · 09/07/2017 03:10

Why are you with him?

Imbroglio · 09/07/2017 03:10

It sounds like you are better off without him.

Severalusernameslater · 09/07/2017 03:13

Pack all 80 of your IQ points up and embarrass him one last time by leaving.

cheapskatemum · 09/07/2017 03:16

I always recommend the Freedom Programme to women who have suffered in relationships such as yours. It's run by Women's Aid, do go on it. Flowers

Kuriusoranj · 09/07/2017 03:17

Good. You're waking up. Don't go back to sleep. I know it's hard (believe me, I know - so much of what you wrote I recognise IN DETAIL) but you need to make your plans and you need to leave. This is your one life, time to live it. Good luck.

Ceto · 09/07/2017 03:18

When he accuses you of not caring, tell him that he's absolutely right. Please walk a long way away from this man, NOW.

HappenedForAReisling · 09/07/2017 03:24

Do you live together, OP?

Topseyt · 09/07/2017 03:30

Dump the twat.

Tell him that he is correct and you couldn't care less about him anymore, he is an embarrassment and isn't clever enough etc. Just as he has to you.

Italiangreyhound · 09/07/2017 03:33

nightingalesong I am sorry your not so d, h, is awful. Please speak to Women's aid. He is abusive.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

user1498911470 · 09/07/2017 03:41

What do you get out of being with this moronic individual ?

AcrossthePond55 · 09/07/2017 03:49

I can't tell if you live with him or not. But if you do live with him, unless your name is on the deeds to a house, leave. It's just not worth it.

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 09/07/2017 03:54

He's vile. Get rid of him.

flumpybear · 09/07/2017 03:57

You deserve better than this abusive tosser - leave him today, never look back or your life will never change
Good luck and enjoy finding yourself again without this creature in your life

ChishandFips33 · 09/07/2017 04:07

It's great that you are recognising all his crap.

You don't deserve to live this way

He needs to change, not you.

You need to get out and move on. Build yourself back up and start enjoying life

You are worth sooo much more

There's some amazing people and advice on here - Keep posting to get it out of your system and stay connected to the real world - not the fucked up one he's trying to get you to believe in.

Flowers
nightingalesong35 · 09/07/2017 04:11

We don't live together but he comes often at mine because "i am everything to him". I must arrange my life around him and he always has to be my "first priority". I dont know why i am with him anymore , all i get is abuse, threats , intimidation and ridiculous comments.H e was nice at the beginning and apparently i made him abusive. I keep telling him that no one makes him do anything that he doesnt want but of course it doesnt matter , all that matters is his opinion. Lately i am nice and calm and as soon as i hear him i get into a weird mood, as if i am angry but i dont know why, and i just dont want to be around him. I know i should go and i know i have been stupid to stay and accept all that for so long. I don't know how to go, i just need to find the courage.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 09/07/2017 04:12

If you can write this about the man you can leave him.

For god's sake move on and find a better life.

Newbiecat · 09/07/2017 04:13

I'm not sure of DV support overseas- I'm guessing you are in USA not UK, but I'm sure you'll get some good advice on here about leaving safely if you live together. What a truly dreadful person he is. Best of luck Flowers

MumBod · 09/07/2017 04:18

You don't live together?

Change your locks.

MumBod · 09/07/2017 04:22

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

Get your locks changed.

Next time he has to go back to his fucking man-cave for whatever reason, move fast.

Get all his stuff in bin bags and put it outside.

Get your key off him, presuming he has one.

Does he work? If so, get your locks changed while he's there.

Get this tosser erased from your life. He's blighting it.

Atenco · 09/07/2017 04:27

That's brilliant that you don't live together and brilliant that you have finally realised that he is an abusive twat. If you seriously are having difficulty breaking up with him, you should get yourself some therapy. As has already been mentioned, there is the Freedom Programme which is excellent and affordable in the UK, but if you do live overseas, get yourself a proper therapist, it will be money well spent.

Onedayoneday · 09/07/2017 07:04

Plan what to say to him to end it, just one sentence, say it and stick to it. What a vile man. Have you got anyone who can support you if he turns nasty?

Neutrogena · 09/07/2017 07:09

He sounds awful. Do yourself a favour and get some self respect and crump him. Moaning on an internet forum is not enough. Value yourself some more.

Chillyegg · 09/07/2017 07:17

Get your stuff
Pack his stuff up. Leave it on his front.
Get the locks changed.

Text him "were over, you are a bully and an abuser, im better than this and you. Dont contact me ever again".

Don't speak to the tosser again, and enjoy your life.

Onedayoneday · 09/07/2017 07:23

It's quite scary that there are men as vile as this out there. I feel for the next woman who meets him and hope she sees him for what he is and dumps him quicker than you.

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