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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He just asked me for a written apology....lol

171 replies

nightingalesong35 · 09/07/2017 03:05

My DP is emotionally abusive. He gets angry and "to his limit" as soon as i breathe wrong. During the two years relationship i heard all sorts of crap , nothing is ever good enough. I am lucky he chose me , he d rather choose a hooker than me ( i am worse than a hooker because fifteen years ago i had a child with another man, which i miscarried), i am an embarrassment to his family because another mans sperm was inside me, other people like me because they dont know me like he does, he though i was as clever as him but he realizes that my IQ is around 80 etc etc etc Everything is always my fault , even things that happened before he met me. He is perfect, he knows everything, he will correct me in my job because "he reads the internet and knows", he will get a tantrum if i dont admire him enough when he plays games on pc in fact he will throw tantrums over everything. If i try to talk "i hurt him" and couple of times he even pretended to have heart attack so he can avoid answering about his actions. I could write a book full of his crap. I changed , i became a miserable . scared creature , walking on eggshells , trying desperately to please mr dickhead. Tonight though i exploded .I was cleaning all day and he was asleep. When he woke up he demanded to wait for him to get ready and he didnt even let me finish my sentence because he was busy and he knew what i was going to say. I told him enough and i wont wait for him, i will just finish the housework. I know it wasnt major reason but it was the straw that broke the camels back. He said that i hurt him and he said that he will hold that against me and he is sure that it will cause problems in our relationship. He called me cruel and he demanded an apology in writing if i want to make him feel better. I told him that i dont apologize for nothing and he hang the phone. Ten minutes later he called to tell me that i dont care and that i dont give him what he needs . He needs me to get upset and chase him when he hangs up the phone on me because that shows care. I told him that i am not 12 and that mentality doesnt apply to adults. Mad, mental dickhead

OP posts:
nightingalesong35 · 09/07/2017 20:16

@provider5sectorzz9

No i dont relish detailing all the things he is done. I update my post because it helps me keep my head clear and because i get support and encouragement from the people who reply.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 09/07/2017 20:23

Well done blocking him and going to your friend's. Keep him blocked and call the police if he turns up.

Imbroglio · 09/07/2017 20:27

You've had a lot to get your head round. It's only natural you'll want to go over it in detail. Good luck.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/07/2017 20:35

Just keep him blocked. You don't need to hear anything he has to say. If you are concerned about possible violence (breaking things IS violence) or property damage or that he plans to wait for you at yours, have your friend look at all texts messages for things the police should know about and then re-block.

Onecutefox · 09/07/2017 21:27

OP, he sounds like a psycho. I wouldn't demonstratively leave him but would let him leave you instead if that's possible.

MumBod · 09/07/2017 21:30

primitive hominid

Well said

Atenco · 10/07/2017 01:28

You're doing great, OP. One does feel stupid when you realise the situation you've allowed yourself to fall into, but you are definitely not alone in that. Been there, bought the T-shirt and all that. Now get thee to the Freedom Programme to learn about red flags and boundaries so that you are better armed in future.

mathanxiety · 10/07/2017 02:22

...if i dont not to bother to call him ever again

That's him saying 'You don't get to dump me - I am dumping YOU'

Needs to have the upper hand every single time, therefore.

Make sure that is his last word. Keep him blocked.

AyeAmarok · 10/07/2017 09:44

You need to be strong OP, as I have a feeling he won't go easily. He'll be trying every trick in the book to get his victim back to trample all over.

Hissy · 10/07/2017 12:54

Stay strong and keep this abusive prick out of your life - by any means possible. Call the police if he wont leave you alone.

Letter of Apology.. What a prick!

He should get a letter of Termination of Service tbh.

Full page advert, in the local paper.

GinAndGooseberry · 10/07/2017 13:48

HOw's it going nightingale I hope your bid for freedom is going ok, I doubt it's going smoothly, I doubt he'll go because YOU chose to end it. But stay strong.

springydaffs · 10/07/2017 15:55

DO THE FREEDOM PROGRAMME

Sorry to shout. But do the Freedom Programme.

Look here for a course near you.

Lovely course, lovely people, no pressure, accepting, caring, informative, brilliant. You'll meet women in the same/similar situation. You are far from alone.

The Freedom Programme will get your head straight in record time. They'll help you to get a plan together. Actually once you do the course you'll have no problem telling this abusive loser to fuck off to the far side of fuck, and fuck off some more. Nasty little man.

nightingalesong35 · 11/07/2017 20:26

Hello all and thanks again for the replies. It helps me keep my head clear and stay strong. The past few days have been exhausting mentally and emotionally. He was waiting for me outside my house to come back from work. He was all mr nice , "worrying" and asking me whats up with me. I told him that i dont want this relationship anymore , it makes me ill and i am not happy. I wished him good luck and asked him to leave me alone. H e first kept calm telling me that despite my behavior he still wants to marry me and look after me . I said that i would never marry him, he is a very angry person and there is no chance for any happiness in such a marriage. He started losing it of course, he called me a clown and a drama queen and he told me that if i try to leave him he would hurt those who i love so he can see me suffer. Then he asked me if i would"call the cops on him" if he rapes me because he feels like doing it. He called me his property and that he has the right to do that. I went into my car and left and told him that if i see him again i will call the police. I wish i could delete the last two years of my life and forget about them .All i feel when he is around me or even thinking about him is an urge to be away from him. I am even thinking to change house but thats easier said than done at the moment.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 11/07/2017 20:29

It's time to call the police OP.Sad

Onedaysoooon · 11/07/2017 20:30

God that's awful. He is just the type to get nasty when you end it as he thought he was in control.

I had similar threats made against me when I ended a relationship and the police took it seriously. I also didn't feel entirely safe until I moved house.

Do you have anyone who can stay with you at the moment?

NellieFiveBellies · 11/07/2017 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OfficerVanHalen · 11/07/2017 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 11/07/2017 20:46

Yes please report the threats.

It may just be a power play but again he may become violent.

He's unpredictable and losing control.

Take care.

SandyY2K · 11/07/2017 20:50

Do you have somewhere you can stay for a few days? Friend or family member?

If so, please do that and block his number.

He sounds unhinged and you should report his threats to hurt those close to you.

Do not respond to any contact from him.

GeekyWombat · 11/07/2017 20:51

Please report the threats OP. For your own safety.

Flowers
Foxysoxy01 · 11/07/2017 20:57

He is clearly deranged!

Time to call the police OP!

Get everything logged and see if they have any useful suggestions.

Block, disconnect and move on as fast as your little legs will carry you.

friedegs · 11/07/2017 21:04

You are amazing. You have done something very hard. Keep focused om the future. You have come so far.

MuvaWifey77 · 11/07/2017 21:12

Dump the dickhead.

Frankswife87 · 11/07/2017 21:16

So sorry you are being treated like this op, he sounds dangerous. Stand your ground and stay safe 💐

ChishandFips33 · 11/07/2017 23:19

Bloody hell that must have been frightening!

Please report it - it might feel silly but it needs logging, and any subsequent threats/stalking/abusive texts.

Keep your own diary too, change the locks and if you can have someone to stay with you (or stay elsewhere)

sending strength your way and a Wine

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