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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He just asked me for a written apology....lol

171 replies

nightingalesong35 · 09/07/2017 03:05

My DP is emotionally abusive. He gets angry and "to his limit" as soon as i breathe wrong. During the two years relationship i heard all sorts of crap , nothing is ever good enough. I am lucky he chose me , he d rather choose a hooker than me ( i am worse than a hooker because fifteen years ago i had a child with another man, which i miscarried), i am an embarrassment to his family because another mans sperm was inside me, other people like me because they dont know me like he does, he though i was as clever as him but he realizes that my IQ is around 80 etc etc etc Everything is always my fault , even things that happened before he met me. He is perfect, he knows everything, he will correct me in my job because "he reads the internet and knows", he will get a tantrum if i dont admire him enough when he plays games on pc in fact he will throw tantrums over everything. If i try to talk "i hurt him" and couple of times he even pretended to have heart attack so he can avoid answering about his actions. I could write a book full of his crap. I changed , i became a miserable . scared creature , walking on eggshells , trying desperately to please mr dickhead. Tonight though i exploded .I was cleaning all day and he was asleep. When he woke up he demanded to wait for him to get ready and he didnt even let me finish my sentence because he was busy and he knew what i was going to say. I told him enough and i wont wait for him, i will just finish the housework. I know it wasnt major reason but it was the straw that broke the camels back. He said that i hurt him and he said that he will hold that against me and he is sure that it will cause problems in our relationship. He called me cruel and he demanded an apology in writing if i want to make him feel better. I told him that i dont apologize for nothing and he hang the phone. Ten minutes later he called to tell me that i dont care and that i dont give him what he needs . He needs me to get upset and chase him when he hangs up the phone on me because that shows care. I told him that i am not 12 and that mentality doesnt apply to adults. Mad, mental dickhead

OP posts:
WhatwouldOliviaPopedo · 09/07/2017 14:48

Can you arrange for someone to be with you this afternoon so that if he turns up you aren't on your own? Then follow PP advice of blocking his number and changing your locks.

NellieFiveBellies · 09/07/2017 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phoenixtherabbit · 09/07/2017 14:50

Leave him leave him leave him!!

Just change your locks tell him you've had enough and just ignore ignore ignore.

You can do so much better than this piece of shit. It is him who is the embarrassment not you.

Summerswallow · 09/07/2017 14:51

Are you 35 as your username suggests? If so, perfect time to move onto a happier life without an abusive partner who you have to replace your abusive mother.

Read Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That and see what fits (a lot will).

You have finally had enough, that's brilliant, now keep going.

WinnieTheWitch50 · 09/07/2017 14:52

Tell him to fuck off! Don't put up with this shit, seriously.

Whisky2014 · 09/07/2017 14:53

I don't get the "i have have to leave". I mean, you don't live together. Just txt him saying it's over. Block his number. Lock your door. You don't need to do anything else

LazyDailyMailJournos · 09/07/2017 14:58

OP you don't actually have to 'leave' - all you have to do is change your locks and block his number. You don't live with him, you don't rely on him and - I presume - you don't have kids with him.

Pack up any of his shit thats in the house, leave it in bags outside. Text him and tell him that the relationship is over and that he needs to come and collect his stuff from the front of the house Tell him that you do not want to speak to him, or hear from him, ever again. Tell him that if he threatens you then you will contact the Police and report him.

Then block his number, block him from social media and get on with your life. If you have any friends or family that can help, then it would be worth having them on hand for when he comes round to collect his things - in case he decides to try and throw his weight around.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/07/2017 15:02

OfficerVanHalen is right, Power Point was invented for situations like this.

Sadcatlady69 · 09/07/2017 15:08

Abusive, gas-lighting, narcissistic sociopath. If you don't know the terms, look them up. Then get a restraining order against him if necessary. And FGS, KNOW you are worth so much better than this rubbish. Get some help and support as others have suggested on here.

Please don't contact him again.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 09/07/2017 15:08

Pack up any of hîs stuff, give it bcc, block his number. He is a controlling nightmare, get rid before he starts to physically hurt you.

Mylittlesunshines · 09/07/2017 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mylittlesunshines · 09/07/2017 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 09/07/2017 15:14

Hopefully he has no key to your house. If not then just dump him by text, block him on all social media and block his number. If he does have a key then change the locks. Call the police if he tries to get in.

Have someone with you as support in case he tries anything on. Call the police if he threatens you or harasses in any way.

OfficerVanHalen · 09/07/2017 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 09/07/2017 15:20

Text him that it is over and he is not to contact you or come over to your home again.

Take any stuff that belongs to him and leave it with a mutual friend, a relative of his, or leave it at a left luggage office at a station and send him the claim ticket.

Block his phone, email, texts, and all social media.

Let mutual friends know that you are split with him and you do not want to see him for at least the next six months - in case he shows up at the same events and kicks off.

If he threatens suicide or to self harm, phone the police/ambulance and report him so he can be taken to hospital. I don't know if you are in the UK or the US, if in the US he can be put in a 72 hour psych evaluation. If he is serious it will help him, if he is trying to manipulate you it will teach him that that little ploy won't work.

Thank goodness you don't live with this appalling individual.

Topseyt · 09/07/2017 15:23

Did I get the impression from your update that you go to his house while he is working and do his cleaning?

Sorry if that is a wrong impression, but if you have been doing this then stop.

Post his keys back to him.

AdoraBell · 09/07/2017 15:25

As others have said, tell him he's dumped and not to contact you again.

As for threats, if it's suicide then YY take it 'seriously' and call an ambulance for him.

If it's a theat to harm you take it seriously and report him to the police. Keep the text to show to the police.

Bluntness100 · 09/07/2017 15:26

I agree you're choosing to be abused, so stop choosing it and just end it. Just do it.

I also don't understand why you mean by you have to leave, you don't live together. You don't have shared finances, you don't have kids together. You just need to end the relationship and stop taking the abuse.

CosmoClock · 09/07/2017 15:32

Thank goodness you dont live with him. He sounds like my x. I remember only dating my x and he sulked and accused me of selfishness if I had stuff going on at the weekend. Stupidly I moved in with him out of fear. Stupidly I got pregnant.

Batten down the hatches. Maybe apologise to him so he cant argue. Tell him you're not good enough for him and you're setting him free. Change the locks. Warn the police you're wary. Get a friend to come and stay. Get a new sim card or block him if you can.

When you have ridden out his indignation come back to mumsnet for help. Like many here, have been through similar (except i wasnt smart enough to bail before kids).

Anniegetyourgun · 09/07/2017 15:37

It's easier than you think. Here's some advice dating from 1975!

Getoutofthatgarden · 09/07/2017 16:06

What do you mean "I don't know how to go"? You don't even live together, You don't have to 'go' anywhere. You tell him it's over, block his number and all social media and tell him if he harrasses you, you'll call the police.

Getoutofthatgarden · 09/07/2017 16:12

Maybe apologise to him so he cant argue. Tell him you're not good enough for him and you're setting him free

Absolutley not. Do not say this^

thiswillhavetodo · 09/07/2017 16:13

@nightingalesong35 never let him into your home ever again. If he has a key change the locks. If he threatens you document it call the police if you need to. You don't deserve to be treated like this at all. It is so scary and you will probably feel like crap for a while as it's what your used to. Block his number and walk away. Please please walk away ❤️❤️

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/07/2017 16:15

What is causing you difficulty with ending this relationship OP? Maybe I can help? I'm good at dumping men.

Mix56 · 09/07/2017 16:33

Dickwad, this isn't working for me any more. from this moment on you are history. Do not come crying, threatening, begging.
Too little too late. (Lock changed, number blocked.) any shot of yours will be dropped at your work/mother/trash
*
Wow, I feel better already.
Toodle oo

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