He just asked me for a written apology....lol

[nightingalesong35]

My DP is emotionally abusive. He gets angry and "to his limit" as soon as i breathe wrong. During the two years relationship i heard all sorts of crap , nothing is ever good enough. I am lucky he chose me , he d rather choose a hooker than me ( i am worse than a hooker because fifteen years ago i had a child with another man, which i miscarried), i am an embarrassment to his family because another mans sperm was inside me, other people like me because they dont know me like he does, he though i was as clever as him but he realizes that my IQ is around 80 etc etc etc Everything is always my fault , even things that happened before he met me. He is perfect, he knows everything, he will correct me in my job because "he reads the internet and knows", he will get a tantrum if i dont admire him enough when he plays games on pc in fact he will throw tantrums over everything. If i try to talk "i hurt him" and couple of times he even pretended to have heart attack so he can avoid answering about his actions. I could write a book full of his crap. I changed , i became a miserable . scared creature , walking on eggshells , trying desperately to please mr dickhead. Tonight though i exploded .I was cleaning all day and he was asleep. When he woke up he demanded to wait for him to get ready and he didnt even let me finish my sentence because he was busy and he knew what i was going to say. I told him enough and i wont wait for him, i will just finish the housework. I know it wasnt major reason but it was the straw that broke the camels back. He said that i hurt him and he said that he will hold that against me and he is sure that it will cause problems in our relationship. He called me cruel and he demanded an apology in writing if i want to make him feel better. I told him that i dont apologize for nothing and he hang the phone. Ten minutes later he called to tell me that i dont care and that i dont give him what he needs . He needs me to get upset and chase him when he hangs up the phone on me because that shows care. I told him that i am not 12 and that mentality doesnt apply to adults. Mad, mental dickhead

sorry, "shit !"

Dear ex
You seem to be under a number of mistaken impressions
No 1. that you have not been dumped

• you have. No 2. That I should have dedicated my life to making yours better whilst you insulted me. When you can sell that storyline to Disney as " Every girls dream" I might have some respect for you, but until then, or hell freezes over, I won't. No 3. That if you harass me I will see the error of my ways and we will get back together and ( see error 2 for details here) - We won't get back together but you will end up with a criminal record. No 4. That you will see me again when you come round to collect your stuff. You won't, I have bagged up your stuff and left it in the middle of Asdas carpark. Be quick and it might still be there when you get there. No 5 that I will read the vitriolic small minded insulting text you are composing in your head right now I won't .

You are blocked. Fuckitybye.

Or words to that effect?

When i said leave i meant leave the relationship. I know its hard to understand why i stayed so long, i dont understand it myself. I maybe am weak but i know that this time i have to listen to my instinct and do it. I maybe hold on to the "nice "part of him but sadly i release that its fake.
What i find the saddest so far is when he met me he would be so caring and loving and asking me about my life, my experiences, my previous relationship etc. I thought that it was because he cared . Now i wake up to realize that i trusted a person that his only purpose asking was to have more ways to hurt me and insult me. Idiot me

Are you afraid for your safety? If so contact a domestic abuse charity for advice and support.
If not, as pp have suggested, change locks, text that you do not wish to have anymore contact with him. If he turns nasty, call police.

Thank you all for the replies , you are helping me a lot. Some even made me smile giving examples of apology letters for him :)

You're confused because you are in abusive relationship. I remember having similar feelings of utter confusion with xp.
When you leave, all will seem much clearer and the weight of pandering to him will be lifted from your shoulders.

nightingale, I get it, they make you feel that you have no right to end a relationship because that is on a par with criticising them and how dare you because you are so flawed. So you just end up like that boiled frog feeling that you don't have a strong enough case (that would hold up in court)!

There are posts here telling you to tell him to fuck off and consider himself dumped but anybody who's been through it would probably suggest an approach which is less likely to make him see red.

Tell him you're not good enough for him and he needs somebody less { insert all the insults he's thrown at you over the years} and that you're letting him go to find somebody worth of him.

But I suggest you do that in a text and then turn your phone off or block him as he will know exactly what to say, exactly what character slurr to throw at you to make you feel compelled to defend yourself and then he'll have you on a hook, engaged, reeled back in. So take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will agree with his bullshit to get free. It's a tactic.

For those who ask i think he can turn violent. He hasn't so far but he brakes things when he is upset and few times he told me over the phone that he would happily slap me if i was there because i disrespect him. He also have said things in the past how no one should mistreat him (breathing wrong way can be mistreatment in his mind ) because he will loose it and hurt them.
After this morning i got few more texts asking me what is wrong with me and why i did not want to wait for him to return from work. H e also said that i need to apologize for my behavior today (telling him i am busy and i wont see him) and if i dont not to bother to call him ever again. He got no reply and after a bit started sending messages that he loves me more than anything and that all will be fine as long as i am "a good girl again"
It messes with my mind but not this time, i am gonna stay to my friends house tonight and i have blocked him so he cant message anymore

What i find the saddest so far is when he met me he would be so caring and loving

That^ wasn't the real him though, people are on their best behaviour at the the start of a relationship, the real him is what you're seeing now. Don't beat yourself up over staying so long, there's lots of us here who stayed with arseholes for far too long, myself included.

ps, these guys capitalise on your niceness. I bet being nice is a part of your identity (consciously or unconsciously) so when you meet all of his needs he takes this completely for granted and the moment you meet even one of your own needs he will label that selfishness which is like a drama bait. You are NICE so you want to defend yourself, you can't, so you try to change his mind and convince him you're nice but how can you when you're already doing everything for him at the expense of your own needs, so you sublimate your own needs completely and begin to equate them with selfishness.

Get out. Go. Leave. Run to friar tuck away!!!

Glad you are reaching out to a friend here. That is great.

Also glad you have blocked him.

Please do not send him any more responses. He is like a fisherman right now trying to get you to bite the hook. Biting the hook means responding. He only wants you to insult you.

Don't beat yourself up about getting involved with him or staying in the relationship. Forgive yourself for that, shut that door behind you and step out into the sunshine.

He hasn't so far but he brakes things when he is upset and few times he told me over the phone that he would happily slap me if i was there because i disrespect him.

He's telling you what he's like. Listen to him. Leave now, do the Freedom Programme.

(But keep his messages on your phone in case you end up needing a protection order/non-molestation order. You will be able to show the messages to the police and court to show what sort of character you are dealing with.)

Firstly, dump his arse. Either have someone over in case he turns up or arrange to go and stay somewhere else for a night or two.

Secondly, if you haven't already done so, I would tell a friend everything you have said here, so when he changes tack and comes on with the charm offensive and promising to change, etc. you can have someone to remind you what a wanker he is.

You "mistreat" him by breathing the wrong way?
What the actual fuck?

He can perceive anything as mistreatment. If i say no to him about anything, i mistreat him. If i am busy when he is back from work and i delay few minutes to be with him, i mistreat him. If he isnt my number one priority 24/7 i mistreat him. If i say a good thing for another person i mistreat him. If i am not "excited enough" when he plays games on pc and wins i mistreat him. He is always the victim and i am "cruel"

He sounds like a pathetic little spoilt brat manchild. Sulking when mummy isn't constantly giving him attention and telling him what a good boy he is. It's vomit inducing.

So he does actually threaten you. He tells you that he would slap you if you were there!!! Well now you won't be there, will you? You have the support of a friend and you are dumping his sorry arse once and for all.

Keep that message as others have said. Not because it is a lovely memory or anything like that, but to remind yourself of who he really is if he tries to wheedle his way back in, and in case you need it as evidence for the police should you require their help (hope it won't come to that, but best to be prepared).

As long as you'll be a good girl again, WTAF. What an abUsive bastard.

I suggest you unblock, text him to not contact you again and the relationship is over then block him immediately again, staying with a friend is a good idea, not just because of the risk of violence but in case you're so abused you might accept him back. He's so used to abusing you he doesn't know any other behavuour.

H e also said that i need to apologize for my behavior today (telling him i am busy and i wont see him) and if i dont not to bother to call him ever again

Poof! wish granted. If he comes back tell him 'sorry, this fairy only grants one wish'.

Please keep copies of any further successful attempts to communicate with you, just in case heads over into stalker territory.

OP please don't think you are weak for putting up with this for so long. I imagine there were small incremental changes for the worse from a wonderful start. It's easy under those circumstances to get used to the 'new normal' and not realize what the overall picture is, unless something completely bizarre or unacceptable happens - like demanding a written apology for nothing much at all.

You seem to relish detailing all the stupid and vile things he does
He's some sort of primitive hominid, what are you even doing with him ffs

You should be SO proud of yourself for finding the strength to block him.

Well done for blocking him. He is very likely to try to contact you again so be prepared and don't give him another chance whatever he says.