He just asked me for a written apology....lol

[nightingalesong35]

My DP is emotionally abusive. He gets angry and "to his limit" as soon as i breathe wrong. During the two years relationship i heard all sorts of crap , nothing is ever good enough. I am lucky he chose me , he d rather choose a hooker than me ( i am worse than a hooker because fifteen years ago i had a child with another man, which i miscarried), i am an embarrassment to his family because another mans sperm was inside me, other people like me because they dont know me like he does, he though i was as clever as him but he realizes that my IQ is around 80 etc etc etc Everything is always my fault , even things that happened before he met me. He is perfect, he knows everything, he will correct me in my job because "he reads the internet and knows", he will get a tantrum if i dont admire him enough when he plays games on pc in fact he will throw tantrums over everything. If i try to talk "i hurt him" and couple of times he even pretended to have heart attack so he can avoid answering about his actions. I could write a book full of his crap. I changed , i became a miserable . scared creature , walking on eggshells , trying desperately to please mr dickhead. Tonight though i exploded .I was cleaning all day and he was asleep. When he woke up he demanded to wait for him to get ready and he didnt even let me finish my sentence because he was busy and he knew what i was going to say. I told him enough and i wont wait for him, i will just finish the housework. I know it wasnt major reason but it was the straw that broke the camels back. He said that i hurt him and he said that he will hold that against me and he is sure that it will cause problems in our relationship. He called me cruel and he demanded an apology in writing if i want to make him feel better. I told him that i dont apologize for nothing and he hang the phone. Ten minutes later he called to tell me that i dont care and that i dont give him what he needs . He needs me to get upset and chase him when he hangs up the phone on me because that shows care. I told him that i am not 12 and that mentality doesnt apply to adults. Mad, mental dickhead

Is his name Andy?

Sorry, I'm not being flippant, but I could've written most of that 21 years ago.

I only realised the level he'd brought me down to when I'd gone for a walk after speaking to my mum on the phone and when I returned, my dad had broken in and they were looking for my body (they thought I was going to kill myself).

Three years after splitting from him, his fiancée got in touch to see whether I had experienced what she was going through. Silly girl went ahead and married him anyway. That lasted about a year and I was horrified when I bumped into her one day. She looked like a broken woman.

Walk away and don't look back. You're worth more than him and he knows it... which is why he puts you down.

Good luck.

Severalusernameslater your initial advice is the best thing I've read in ages and I hope OP does it. OP please leave this man he is a drain to your existence and even though I don't know you. You are so much better off without him. Like others are saying I hope your planning your exit

What has happened to you in your life that makes you feel like this is what you deserve?

Change your locks and block the abusive twat. He's only going to get worse.

Use Lolabee's suggested response.

Change your locks. If he has any stuff at your house put it in bin bags outside and tell him when he can collect it.

Perhaps he will try to beg, wheedle and cry his way back into your life, but stay resolute as he won't change.

Block his phone number. If he begins harassing or threatening you then call the police.

Do not let him back into your house.

Being single isn't the worst thing in the world.
Much better to be on your own than with an abusive prick like him

Why do you need to find courage to dump his sorry arse? You don't even live together. Just tell him to do one and get on with your life, abuse free.

You don't live together, you have no kids together. Christ on a bike, woman. What on earth is keeping you there? One simple phone call could get rid of a huge massive soul-sucking problem from your life forever. There aren't many huge massive soul-sucking problems that you could solve permanently and that easily. Just tell him to go fuck himself, the horse he rode in on is optional, and enjoy the freedom!

Actually I tell a lie, as a PP said you don't need a phone call, you can do it by text. And yes you do need to throw out his stuff and change the locks. That can still all be done in half a day.

You don't live together. Much better for you getting rid of the cunt. Change your locks and tell him you're sick of being abused by him. You no longer care for him and you want to be with someone who loves you, not uses you.

You just described the man that I recently dumped! OMG, I cannot believe it, they must be brothers. He finally crossed the line and that's was it, I dumped his arse and won't be going back.

Women need to stop putting up with this behaviour

Thank you for the replies. I dont know why i stayed so long, part of it must be that i grew up with a self centered mother who was always reminded me how beautiful she is and how ugly i am (funny thing we look exactly the same ) who would always find something wrong to say about me. I was fat, i was jealous of her, i was too serious, i was this and that all that at the age of 7 .Another reason must be that i am so drained and exhausted by him and i spent long time trying to explain his behavior and blaming myself. Only recently and after i read about abuse it all started to make sense.
Whatever the reason i need to take responsibility and leave, i can see myself getting more and more upset around him as if i just want to run away
A bit ago he send em a message that eh will be back from work in 45 minutes and he expects me to be there waiting for him because is my weekend .He also noted that the past few weekends i am not waiting for him "on time". He probably thinks that a fairy does all the cleaning, shopping etc and i have nothing else to do than obey his wishes
I said that i will be busy and i wont see him today and then he started raging. I am reading his texts and i have in my mind his angry face raging at me. He said that i dont care about him and am cruel and disrespectful and ungrateful and i ruin the day and if i am on my period again. He then said that if i carry on i will push him to the edge and he will do something he will regret . Thats a favorite threat , he implies that he will leave. I text do whatever you want and then he started sulking, i am hurting him and he loves me so much and he had a bad day at work and i make it worst. I am not replying he makes me ill and yes you are right i have to leave and i dont know why i havent yet.

He sounds quite unstable to me.

Please make sure you are safe, e.g. if you decide not to see him today it might be best to have someone with you in case he decides to come round.

Congratulations OP, you have realised that your relationship with your DP is an extension of the one you had with your mum when you were a child. It is a very clever and insightful realisation.

Give yourself a bit of time to let it sink in. And in the meantime tell that ridiculous eejit to stay away.

Can you get a friend round to sit with you?

Send him a message, tell him you don't want to see him again and if he turns up at your house you'll have a policeman come to remove him. He sounds like an unstable arse. I'm very glad to hear you don't live together.

Perhaps he can spend the day drafting the letter of apology and e-mailing it to you, just so you know what sort of thing he needs.

As gamerchick said, tell him it's over and block all texts and messages. Get the locks changed ASAP.

And ignore the threats about what he will do. My sisters abusive ex used to threaten he would commit suicide and it would be all her fault. She finally broke free a couple of years ago; he's still hale and hearty and almost certainly abusing some other unfortunate woman.

Thankfully you don't live together so it's easier to "leave" so to speak, there's no mass upheaval, finding somewhere to live etc. you just have a few steps to take before he's out of your life.

• Change the locks
• Block him on all social media/set up email rules so any emails are blocked
• Block his number on your phone
• Stop engaging

He doesn't love you, he wouldn't behave like this if he did.

Send him an apology email - the subject of which should be "I'm Sorry", the content of which should be something along the lines of " I'm sorry for that meeting you, I'm sorry that I've wasted so much time on you and I'm sorry for letting you treat me so badly for so long. Consider yourself well and truly dumped, never darken my doorstep again or I will call the police."

He sounds like an utter tool.

I'm hoping he's just a verbally abusive twat and is all bluster. Do you have any reason to suspect he might be capable of physical abuse? Any ex-gf or mates that have ever commented about anything worrying? Any small shoves or slaps that you've ignored as red flags? Hopefully not but you need to take care of No1. Do you have RL support?

Op. Here is what to text it will take thirty seconds of your time.

"Fuck off and don't ever contact me again".

Or if you would like to be polite

" I've decided to end our relaruonshp. Do not ever contact me again"

Then block him.

Then have a bloody party to yourself.