Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

[Quootiepie]

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

yes littleducks, am sure I have it thanks. He would be due home now, can't help jumping and looking out the window. I know I need to get on with my own life... I really do

Don't beat yourself up for expecting him - yours and his lives are necessarily tied up that's why you want him to come back.

You have to separate yourself from him mentally - might be temporary if it gives him the jolt he needs to realise this is not normal behaviour.

Start practising your fake "I'm aloof" look - IME faking the look is the first step to feeling it You'll feel stronger if you can find a way to control your emotions without him being a factor. You can do it, honestly you can

I am sure he planned it - he didn't want sandwiches to work, his phone charger is gone, he took his car for once and he didn't take the phone number I left out for him for DSs swimming He must have been planning it all along

Can't really do "aloof" lol >>> is closest

Oh my God - Quootiepie, forgive me but he sounds like such a sh*t

You can do aloof - just put your nose in the air and pretend to look him up and down from the top of his head down to his shoes whilst sniffing in disdain. Get in front of that mirror girlie and start practising!

just ringing social services, see if they can take DS. I have gone form being abit positive and proactive to just downright all over the place. The only reason I was OK is I thought he might come home, and thinking that it might be for good is just too much. DS has been sat infront of the TV all afternoon and it just isn't fair on him

dont call ss, do not let this man think you cannot cope

you can, you just believe what he tells you

also if ds goes what point is there in trying to improve your life, as you seem to have given up on yours

QP I don't know much about SS but my initial reaction is DONT ring them.

You CAN cope. Get support from here. From other MNers close by.

Your ds needs you

tbh i'd be putting up party balloons at the fact he moght not be back

your life can start again

mine have been inside all day, but it isnt worthy of them being rehomed

I know you've said you've got no family support close by, but can your mum or sister come to help? Your sister came last time didn't she?
Or can you go to them?

Please get the support that's out there for you. You're a good person and you don't deserve this.

I wish I was closer to you.

thats just it, I can't cope. Ds really is not best with me, he is currently walking round the living room playing with a sock I haven't got the energy to play with him, he would be far better even temp. somewhere else. They are calling me back

sister came, watched a film, went to bed, got up and went to work. Mum came and had a go at me about being selfish, how she had work to do etc. I'll cost her her job. I just don't need all that, I had it last time and it made me worse.

you are depressed

he isnt in any danger

start taking hte ad's

you dont really want him to go, you are just too down to think properly and that is your h's fault

start getting angry with him, cut up his boxers or something

i cannot bear seeing DS not being looked after properly.

is ds fed, happy, relaxed? YES! he is being looked after properly. surely he's better with you than a stranger? even if he just watches dvds and cbeebies all day. he'll be ok. my ds has been playing with an empty water bottle for days!

so sorry that your mum and sister aren't good support.

i have to rush off to get ds now but i've emailed you and also put my mobile number on there. call me if i can help in any way.

you can get through this.

stop now

he is fine

he isnt in danger, he is fed

your h will use it to make you feel like he was right to try and take him from you

you are having a bad moment,you thinki ts would be fair on ds to send him off to strangers when his dad has gone as well?

Hi Qootiepie

i haven't posted on your thread before but i have been watching it. My heart goes out to you and i'm really sorry you are going through all this.

I really just wanted to back up what lou says about the AD's. They can only do you good. You are probably really low at the moment and that affects everything, especially your ability to think rationally. When you are depressed it is much easier to feel overwhlemed by everything. I was in this situation a few weeks ago so i gave in and started taking the AD's. I can honestly say i do feel much better for them. They have lifted me out of a big black hole and i feel much calmer and more able to cope with everything. I'm certainly not regretting taking them.

Quootiepie Why are you ringing Social Services to take DS? Do you really feel that awful you can't cope?

That's really not what I meant at all I meant that they could support you re: housing, support, access to benefits etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that you can't cope with DS. I really don't know what to say now...

reading this thread your dh sounds like a total arse. He is manipulative, deceitful and has no qualms about dumping you and his child on a whim . Then turns up and just expects you to drop everything for him. Then fucks off again. Then turns up again. And on and on and on....

you need to seriously cut him out of your life. He is actively bad for you and actively bad for your child. I am amused that he threatened you with taking ds away - like someone with his track record would get custody? what a spiteful bully to say such a thing.

it is so bloody hard but you must accept that he is not going to change but you CAN change things, and you should. Please dump him NOW.

yeah thats right, your son will be so happy in foster care?

seriously Qt you were fine at the xmas do, you managed perfectly.

your DH is psouting a load of shit and your believing it

you must now decide something - this is your one shot sweety - this aint no re-play.

this is your life. want it? change it then.

whimpering that the doctors wont come out to someone who isn't needy and your not really needy - give me a break.

you tried to commit suicide FGS. your DH has left you and is a serial fucker whop tramps on your confiudence an you like a stupid fucker keep letting him back.

make him stay away - stay away from phone calls from his family

get your arse to the CAB on monday - you can get out the front door - i saw you - i met you i talked to you.

thats some gobshite undermining confidence shit your dh has pulled.

sorry to be harsher than the rest

but QT unless you activley try and help yourself - people are just going to give up on trying to help you over the internet.

you make an effort - we too as one body of mumsnet will too make an effort - guarentee it.

find out when the cab is open on monday.

then come back and tell us.

make something happen - no one can make your life better QT - NOONE

your dh isn't going to make your life better

when he comes back - will your house be clean enough

will your mothering be good enough?
will you be witty enough?
skinny enough?

to please him

well FUCK HIM - what about you

are you good enough for you YOU thats the only standard.

stop being small - show yourself you can

you can. but no -one is going to do it for you

I really do feel that awful. It's so heartbreaking to see him just playing by himself, he loves other people so will be happy. He will get much better looked after amd played with and that. I cannot even contemplate the bedtime routine

Can you not ring the crisis team and they could arrange a prescription of ads for you. Possibly even bring it to the house for you.

you need to remember also that social services are there to help - they will not want to take ds away.

I did try Custy, I rung the benifit people to statr that, and tried GP but I am finding it impossible to pull myself up right now from it all. I don't want anyones help, I don't really know why I am typing away on here rally, maybe something to do I guess. I don't mean to be , i cant explain it, like sapping everyone. Dunno if that even makes any sense

sorry qt but that bullshit

start doing something proactive to show you want to change your life

take the ad's, watch a dvd with your ds or something but you cant keep saying "i can't"

i know you feel low but you have to make some sign of chnage for things to improve

we can only encourage you, but if you keep putting up hurdles then there isnt a lot we can do