Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

[Quootiepie]

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

Thanks, just stuffing myself with a forgotten (!!) tub of ice cream before I tackle some housework. GOt some soaps still on sky + from yesterday so after thats all done will watch them. At least it's somehting to do, rather than just sitting wondering what to do, which is when I get most down x

What do you mean you have nothing to do ............ you need to start making my scrambled egg on toast lol

I'm watching Joseph on BB1. Love all these type of programmes.

Ice cream - lush. I used to work within the best ice cream company HAAGEN DAZS, yum yum!!

Hope its nice.

Quootie If you do run out of things to do, you can always come to my house and help me tidy up after my three children!!!!

There's always plenty to do and i really don't mind sharing!!!

Hope you're still on the up?

Have you started a course of medication yet?

That will really help you get back to being a bit clearer with your thoughts.

Hiya, not sure I am on the up, but not spiralling back down just yet. The only thing I am managing to do is sort DS, my house is a tip! Didn't clean the kitchen last night as I felt tired, so thought i'd go to bed before I woke up again so all that to do today. Hopefully i'll get it all done today.

Not started medication yet because of the weekend.

QP - Where's my scrambled egg eh? Been looking forward to it all night

soooooooorry. You will have to make cheese on toast like DS had for breakfast

Taking forever to clean the kitchen, by my rota I should be done by now I can smell this horrid smell, like the smell of water when you leave flowers for ages wilting - must go investigate.

I am actually getting angry now, thinking about it all. The way MIL hasn't rung to see if we are OK or need anything, all she has done is ring SS the other night to "offer" to have DS H is leaving us to starve, good job for beegee or I would have no electricity. I would bet anything he is out in the sun with his ARSEHOLE cousin having fun, spending James' child benefit money and money he promised I could start doing our bedroom up with I have a good mind to throw his stupid hifi out the window, or sell it to feed and clothe his son. I swear, if he is not back tomorrow for DSs immunisations I will sell everything of his for his son, I am just sorry I didn't hide his watch. Cheeky bastard took both his watches.

I was waiting sooooooooooooooooo long I settled for a bananna and a cup of tea.

DD had jam on toast. She wakes up for food at 6am ish grrrrrrrrrrrrr

DS woke at 6 - I do blame the lack of curtains though, another thing that is "not priority" to H

sell everything of his to feed your son yes. why would he back for your ds immunistaions? are you still hoping he comes back?

Bedroom decorating may have to go on hold or go on freecycle and ask for paint etc. loads of people give away paint.

H has left you with no money?

get to CAB on monday and see about getting the child benefit paid to you, in your account

so what if MIL has not phoned you? she is poison

agree with misdee, sell anything that loser has left behind to buy food and electricity

be on the CAB doorstep at 09.00 tomorrow and get the ball rolling....

and DO NOT LET HIM NEAR YOU AND DS..if he wants contact now, let him go through a solicitor, if you let him come with for the jabs, he will be back with his feet under the table before you know it , and you will be back to square one

I've got some spare curtains - think in blue - do you want them? Think they are new. We also have a dark purple curtain in dd room to use as a blackout.

You can have curtains just let me know and I will post/drop off to you.

Hi Quootiepie,
Have followed a lot of this thread, not all as is long, and am sorry he's gone again.
You should be able to get all your benefits going straight to you as you are the main carer. Ring Child Benefit and change it over the phone, same with tax credits if he gets those too. I have always found both to be very helpful. Don't go into detail unless they ask just say you want to change the account they go into, they may not ask why.
Sod what he might think or do, you need the money to feed and clothe ds, and to get electric and gas.
Listen to Lulu, she is wise beyond her years, and gives very sensible, practical advice.
Hope you're doing ok this morning, and that ds is happily playing.

Just to echo what others have said, QP - make sure you get yourself to the CAB first thing tomorrow to sort out your benefits & ask for a list of good solicitors.
Don't expect him back for DS's jabs - you don't need him there. I have never had my boys father present when either of my boys have had jabs & that was when we were still very much together! As long as your DS has his mummy there, he will be fine.

I am so scared of needles, he always holds DS. It goes to my account, but he has my card. I guess thinking about it I can cancel that card and get a new one. Thanks for the offer of curtains, but there isn't even a pole! No, he left me with nothing, saying if I needed anything , go to my mum, who has been on the phone telling me not to stress her out as she is on tablets to stop her having a stroke and going to hospital on Wednesday. She even asked (because I said H was working doubles) "you better not have split up, I cannot take anymore stress, don't stress me out!". Washing machine is starting to flood, red letter has come through from ground rent& buildings insurance that H didn't pay, but bought a new £500 odd phone with

I have only lurked on this so far QP but can I just say that the anger in your last post sounds a lot more normal to me than some of your earlier posts. You are right to be angry with him - start doing what you need to do for you and your son.

Good luck with it all.

I have just duck taped up the letterbox and cat flap so he cannot do what he did last time and just post DSs milk through in one big heap, fucking coward. Left the key in the door aswell so hopefully he cannot dump stuff in and run, like he did another time.

angry is good. I like angry better than passive.

You've been through a hell of a time and you've allowed your prick of an H to call the shots. He had to know what he was doing to you when he left. Don't let him do it again.

And, please, just for me, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! You're cooking great food, DS is finding things to play with by himself (my ds played with a pair of socks for about a year by the way so I think its a kiddie thing rather than any suggestion of neglect), you have plans to clean. You're on top of all that plus dealing with difficult times.

... whereas your prick-of-an-H dealt with difficult times by running away. Woooh how brave, what a BIG man. I know who I'd rather have as a friend.

Sorry to hear you have so little support from your mum, QP.
Can you ask a friend to go along with you tomorrow for support?

regarding jabs, ask the nurse to hold him as you dont like needles.

I'll ask the nurse, there is two in their anyway usually. x

No pole - get onto freecycle seriously.

Well done on the duck tape.

Anyone local to Bracknell and have a spare curtain pole if I have the curtains?

QP - I am offering help and I know at times it can be hard to accept but please take. The curtains are sitting in my cupboard collecting dust - I was very grateful if you took them off my hands.

A £500 phone ok, eeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrmmmmm ..... ok.