Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 22:36

OK QP, check you have shut the windows, locked the doors and leave the lights and T.V on if you have to.

(I lived at home until I got marred then with DH1) the first time I was alone n the house with DS1 I left the t.v on all night (DH1 was on a footy weekend away)

Tell me what you mean by lose it.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:37

thanks, I remember you mustrunmore Remember your long hair! x

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 22:37

must go to bed,

hope you get somewhere,

seems like you have people falling over themselves to help you

take it

and go to bed !

mustrunmore · 13/04/2007 22:38

Really?!!
If I drove, I'd come to you tomorrow, honestly.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:38

lose it - start having all the flashbacks, panic attacks, get upset beyond upset just meltdown leading to silly things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:39

thankyou lulu so much x x x xx x

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:39

thanks mustrunmore, it's fine x

OP posts:
littleducks · 13/04/2007 22:40

good, im glad tomorrow is sorted, let us know what mh team say tomorrow

kimi · 13/04/2007 22:41

Ok QP, I don't know much about your lfe (just this bit tbh) but flash backs to what?
Panic attacks I can work with, and by silly things do you mean self harm?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:44

flashbacks to all sorts too late at night to say what as ill have nightmares, silly things yes, harming myself. I get so low and that, and when the panic and that grips me it's awful. I am scared of that. Because I know I find it hard to phone people, I do not have the safety of think ill phone crisis team. Besides, you dont want help when you are that bad

OP posts:
SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 22:46

I'm so glad you've got people coming tomorrow Quootie.

Believe in the goodnes of people. You should know you're one of the good ones. Take the help, you know that if/when the tables are turned you'd help others. You are like that.

I must go now, Dh home soon and I promised I'd given MN up!!

Night night sweetie. All will be well, you will get there.xx.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:47

I am going to try bed in abit, thankyou everyone so so so soooooo much for all your help, you have made a MASSIVE difference although you cannot see it x thankyou x Will "check in" in the morning, dont feel you have to reply or anything, just to let you know I am ok x x x x

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 22:48

QP are you scared you will self harm tonight?

Jelley · 13/04/2007 22:49

Hi Q.

I also didn't realise until today that this was you. You have my number if you want to call or text me.

I don't think I have anything practical to add, but I remember the sleeplessness from a while back, and it makes evrything feel worse is there anything you can do to relax enough to sleep a bit?

Jelley · 13/04/2007 22:49

Hi Q.

I also didn't realise until today that this was you. You have my number if you want to call or text me.

I don't think I have anything practical to add, but I remember the sleeplessness from a while back, and it makes evrything feel worse is there anything you can do to relax enough to sleep a bit?

kimi · 13/04/2007 22:50

There is nothing in your home or outside that can hurt you QP, you are safe I promise you that.

By self harming do you feel better and calmers and safer or are you doing it out of anger and dislike for yourself.

UCM · 13/04/2007 22:56

So, I am trying to make you feel better a bit, would you feel better talking about your love for your partner QP?

kimi · 13/04/2007 22:58

QP are you still there?
I am not being nosey I can relate to alot you feel and I am trying to help.
I am n no rush to go anywhere and can talk to you for as long as you want me to.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:58

kimi - yes. It's not self harm, was trying to not put it bluntly... I would try and err... "do away with myself"

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 23:00

If i talked of my love for him I think id get upset all over again. Because I do love him so much. But, I have to live life now as if he will not come back, 1) because he more than likely wont 2) because if he does I want to be independant and tell him to bog off and 3) I do not want to raise my hopes

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 23:01

I usually am a late person but I am shattered, I am going to try bed but will be back if I cannot sleep. Thankyou so so much x x x THis will be my last post tonight x x x x

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 23:08

QP let me tell you something......
My dad died when I was 12 and followed his coffin, It something I will never get over.
I am 35 and have since lost my best friend, some other friends and family.
But last year DH1 and I went to the funeral of one of his friends...... the friend and his partner had split, she was making it hard for him to see his sons and so he left work one day went home wrote notes took pills and drink and hung himself.
THAT was the hardest and saddest funeral I have ever been to.
The church had over 300 people n it, people he could have reached out to at any point, but he did not.
People who loved him and will miss him for ever, and he has left 3 beautiful sons behind, sons who will never know their daddy, sons who in time will question why daddy could not stay to be with them.
Killing yourself is NOT an option, ok its one way out and you don't have to think about tomorrow, but do you really want shit head and his mother to bring up your child? Do you really not want to watch your son grow up get married have babies?

QP you are a mother and that is the best gift and biggest blessing anyone can have.
You will not kill your self because you love you son too much, You will not self harm because you are worth more then that, and I know this because (for different reasons) I have been where you are now.

AlphaLolly · 13/04/2007 23:17

Qp - I was skimming your post and just realised you are posting this second about "doing away with yourself".

STOP NOW

THINK

Your son, he needs you as much as you need him.

You said this post was your last one. You MAKE SURE you get right back on here and post to let us know you are ok.

I don't live far away (In Aldershot). I am married, aged 27 with a dd of 13 months. I have a car, I can come over.

There are so many on here giving you support, I hope it really helps.

Today 5 babies were born on Mumsnet. Remember the day your son was born, was it magical? Think of the love you have for your ds and how much he loves you.

Sending hugs and cuddles to keep you going through another night

Goodnight. Keep cuddling your son.

x

kimi · 13/04/2007 23:20

QP PLEASE let us know you are ok

AitchTwoOh · 13/04/2007 23:22

have emailed you quoots.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.