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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 22:23

Does Dh know all this is goimg on??

The fact he hasn't shown his face should tell you all you need to know.

Plan for you and DS.

Start mother and baby unit.

Progress to making, with help, some financial plans for coping alone.

Continue the support for depression.

As you feel better and time passes, some nursery for Ds or a course and plans for yourself.

New friends for you and DS.

This is all long term, but I want you to begin to imagine that starting by starting with some small steps you can get to a really happy life with you and DS.

He is a lucky little boy to have a mummy like you. I know will you will amke him happy and be happy together. It will happen.

beegee · 13/04/2007 22:24

if not - then, yes - sleep is a good idea. You've surprised yourself before by managing sleep when things were very bad.

Pinkchampagne · 13/04/2007 22:24

Oh QP, I am sorry you're going through all this.
A good friend of mine (now a MNer) went to a mother & baby unit & found it really helpful at the time. I hope she sees your thread.
All the best, honey, you are being a damn fine mummy.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:24

i cant now, I am too scared to. Its hard to keep asking

OP posts:
beegee · 13/04/2007 22:25

do you want me to call them?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 22:25

quootie

you keep making excuses for everything including sleeping

he is asleep, just carry him into your bed and go to sleep

tomorrow is a new day, it will get better

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:25

I cant sleep, am too on edge and alert

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 22:25

maybe beegee can call as she as the number?

please call them, then go to bed, rest, if not sleep

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:27

sorry, but it's true, I am too scared to ring them now and too scared to sleep. I wish I couldn't be, but I can't help it, not right now. Obviously I will sleep at some point, unless I go like I did a few months ago and stay awake 1 or 2 nights on the trot

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 22:27

QP, can I ask what the worst thing that can happen to you if you are in the ouse alone with your son?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 22:27

i'm off to bed , i understand you feel down but you are not trying to help yourself by fobbing off everyone with excuses

and yes i do know depressed people do have a tendancy to do it, but we can only urge you to take some steps

you have to actually do them

good luck

lulumama · 13/04/2007 22:28

what are you scared of? you need help, they should help you?
what could be worse than what is happening now, the not knowign?

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:28

I am shattered, I couldn't contemplate packing (if you do pack). Someone come and cuddle me to sleep

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 22:28

goodnight lou you have given some wonderful advice x

lou33 · 13/04/2007 22:28

go cuddle your son

lou33 · 13/04/2007 22:29

night lulu

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:30

I am not trying to fob people off, I honestly for some reason am nervous or shy or whatever of ringing the crisis team, and sleep has always been an issue, even at the best of times I am trying, I have been ringing SS and crisis team all evening I just for some reason am run out of whatever it was that made me. Hard to explain, I cannot even think what I mean

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:31

thankyou for all your help xXx really truely, it means alot x

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 13/04/2007 22:31

QP - just sticking my head in as I, unlike you, am knackered and need sleep. You know I'm around if needed and will check in tomorrow.

(5 mins if you can ) - and try to get some sleep, even if just for an hour or so.

night.x.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:31

kimi- that I will "lose it".

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 22:32

make that call

have a milky drink

a bath

lie in bed, with a book, or a magazine or telly or radio on

then start tomorrow afresh

beegee · 13/04/2007 22:32

I understand Quootie - I really do ...it's ok.

I think people just get frustrated cos they want the best for you.

You're worth it xxx

littleducks · 13/04/2007 22:34

By Quootiepie on Fri 13-Apr-07 21:44:41
Ummm, sorry am very forgetful but whoever offered any help I guess I am willing (dpending if I go to hospital or not) to accept some if anyone wanted to that is. Erm, Mainly so DS can have a break from 4 walls and the TV (and sock) since I cannot go out alone That would be great, only if soneone wanted to that is though

Just came back to this, i offered support and depending on what they say to you can arrange something for tomorrow or sun, i emailed you my mobile earlier so if you dont feel up to calling just text

mustrunmore · 13/04/2007 22:35

QP, I didnt realise this thread was yours as I only scanned the title quickly etc etc. Jelley told me it was. I dont know if you even remember talking to me at christmas. But I was thinknig about you the other day. I'm so sorry things are like this for you, truely. And I'm sorry I have no better advice/words than have already been offered. But if you ever think a chat or a letting off steam would help, Jelley has my phone number

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:36

yep sure littleducks, beegee is breifly here in mrning so thats tomorrow sorted x thanks x

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