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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 21:46

I just wish I lived nearer, I just want to get in my car and come and get you, or be with you.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:46

never been involved with SS before a week ago when DH left and crisis team said they would let SS know.

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 21:46

QP, Have you ever read Help yourself, by Dave Pelzer?
ISBN 0/00/711480/x

It really IS worth a read.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:46

thanks smileys x it's ok x

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 21:47

why would you not go to hospital , if you have the chance>

you need a totally holistic approach, not just a bit of therapy every week and some meds/...

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:47

nope, not a big reader anymore. Once I am out and mobile I will join the library and read some of those books. All I have read is some loving yourself book (not kinky!) that DH made me read 2 years ago

OP posts:
beegee · 13/04/2007 21:48

Quootie - great step there - so if anyone is near enough I really think it would be lovely for them to pop round and see you and DS. I know how hard it is for you to get out of house.

And you're such a gorgeous person. I'm glad I met you xxx

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:48

o, if I had the chance ill go. Just dunno if I can yet. DS being over 12m also, dunno if they will let me go mum & baby unit.

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:49
  • they are taking forever to call, hope no news = good news ie. sorting things out
OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 21:49

have you called the crisis team bacl?

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:50

do you think a mum & baby unit will help me get over all this? and I guess help me start from scratch? In every which way

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:50

no, SS rung them so they might be busy.

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 21:51

QP, (I saw you at the meet up by the way and you are very pretty) Read a book because you want to not cause shithead the leaver tells you to.
It is a good book, and I would recommend it to anyone who has issues with liking them self.

SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 21:52

It will be a start Quootie.

A start that keeps you and Ds together. And a start is what you need.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:55

SS rung, they won't even take DS anyway

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:57

Like even if I wanted him to go. They are in contact with MIL who is "more than willing for baby to go to her" Over my dead body, and even then NO !

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/04/2007 21:59

QP,

What have SS instead suggested?. Anything at all?

You and DS need each other and to be together throughout. Quite apart from being his Mummy and thus the best thing in his life you are his best and only advocate.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 21:59

stress to them that you do not want baby to go to anyone, anyone at all, especially not MIL< you are his mum and want to keep him

residential care is not a magic wand , they will give you the tools to move forward, but you have to work at it, you will have to go to therapy and go through all the shit you have been through and process it. it will be hard going and you will have days when you want to scream, but it will give you the strength you need to move forward in a positive way

SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 21:59

Good!!

He stays with you. Alternative is MIL.

One decision dealt with.

lou33 · 13/04/2007 22:00

thats because the aim of ss is to keep families together and help them through a crisis, not to pull them apart

they wont take him on a spur of the moment decision because you are depressed, they want to help you keep your family intact

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 22:00

Next step now is crisis team ringing and I will ask about mum & baby unit

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/04/2007 22:01

You and your child need to remain together. This is something that needs to be expressed to them strongly. Your son certainly does not need to go to the toxic MIL from hell, at least you are aware of that.

kimi · 13/04/2007 22:01

QP, you are giving your MIL enough rope to hang you with love.
Do not let her get her mits on to your son, she fucked up her own son enough FFS

lou33 · 13/04/2007 22:02

agree with kimi again

lulumama · 13/04/2007 22:02

definitely kimi and attilla!

make that call quootie

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