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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:26

i dont know lulu, i am confused

i cant see how anyone could be contacted without permission from either quootie herself, or from someone who was say a guardian , for example

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:27

honestly, I didnt give them anything on him. My mum knows less than I do about him, and if SS called her she would be here or hollering down the phone. Really no idea at all how they managed it, I def. didnt give anything about him.

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 21:27

Thank you lou (small hijack, how are you doing now? Been thinking about you,)

QP why do you not feel you can cope alone?
Were you at the xmas meet up btw?

lulumama · 13/04/2007 21:28

look, whatever the situation re the family, and it sounds odd to me

what are they doing for you and ds now and tomorrow??

fussymummy · 13/04/2007 21:28

Kimi i agree with you as well.

lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:29

same kimi but thanks for asking

am rambling on my thread still lol

yes what is the plan for tonight and tomorrow?

kimi · 13/04/2007 21:31

lou, I seem to have upset alot of people here lately so have not been on your thread much in case I killed it
But I have lurked a bit, and I feel for you I really do.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:31

well, a) because I am dependant on DH for love and support, b) him leaving has sparked everything off - dperession wise etc. and c) err, just I dunno, am worn out. Have nothing left, and frankly at the end of my tether.

Dont know what they are doing yet, they seem very busy, Crisis team only rung to break up the wait. So, still waiting

OP posts:
beegee · 13/04/2007 21:31

I think QP doesn't trust her mum enough to be informed of situation - so she doesn't know of these latest developments.

fussymummy · 13/04/2007 21:31

I have to log off now but will be back in a couple of hours to see how things are going.

Quootie Like i said earlier, if you want me to try and come round this weekend then i will.

Just post on here or CAT me ok.

Don't let your little boy out of your sight, he needs his mummy.

You take care xx

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:32

Yes went to Xmas meet

OP posts:
SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 21:33

What is Ds doing Quootie?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:33

kimi, i dont know anything about that, but thank you for thinking of me

i dont want to hijack this but it is still hard going for me

liquidclocks · 13/04/2007 21:34

QPs DS asleep - just spoke to her on MSN.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:34

He is asleep

OP posts:
beegee · 13/04/2007 21:36

Quootie - I would come over this weekend if I could - so sorry I can't - got loads of commitments. You know I'd be there if I could.

Could you take up people on their offers of contact? What do you think?

lulumama · 13/04/2007 21:37

how do you feel now Quootie

you have support here, on MSN , the crisis team are on the case, you have made some steps

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:38

it's fine beegee, thanks anyway xx You know how bad I was meeting you, and we chatted on MSN for a while, I will be terrified meeting anyone else, especially under these circumstances

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 21:38

QP, if I told you about my life you would fall over and think it was Eastenders in the flesh.
Love unless YOU love YOU why would anyone else.
Why can you not see your worth, and why oh why do you let this man degrade you over and over.
I seem to upset a lot of people here as am not PC, call t as I see it and if its walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and shit like a duck then its a duck.
SO......................
you are worth more them this,
Who ever has made you feel so bad about yourself is wrong.
You are willing to except life's shit because you think you are not worth more.
You had a child, you need to be a parent to that child
You ARE an adult now so stop looking for a grown up to hold your hand.
I don't have cat but I will sort it out so if you need to/ want to talk to me you can, but as I say, tells it as I see n, I am not soft and huggy

SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 21:38

Good. I thouhgt he would be. See he is fine.

Sleeping, oblivious.

he can wake up tomorrow watch more telly, play with anothet sock eat his lunch etc, while you sort out what you need to.

It's not ideal, but ultimately he can cope with that. he couldn't cope with is suddenly being awy from you.

Concentrate on yourself. Doing the minimum for DS at the moment is enough, it won't be like that for long.

Soapbox · 13/04/2007 21:40

Quootiepie - it sounds as if you are more in control now than earlier which is good news and Ds sounds like he has settled down for the night.

If you ever need someone to take DS for an hour/a day/ a week or a month, or to pay for a few hours of babysitting, or someone just to spend the night with you both then please just shout!

I would rather provide a bit of short term relief for you as 'a friend' than have SS take your child and your completefuckertosserarseofanH use this as a means to get custody of your little boy!

It is no burden at all but just the kind of thing one friend does for another when things get too much to cope with

I owe my life to those people who cared for me when my first marriage fell apart - and if I can do for others what they did for me, then that is EXACTLY what the circle of life is all about IMO

Take care - just shout if you need me

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:40

abit more positive, but then sometimes waves if just "F it" -ness, just hard to explain.

OP posts:
SmileysPeoples · 13/04/2007 21:44

You are depressed.you have been for a while. You can get over that depression, this is not your entire life.

listen to the many on here who have been where you are now. You don't have to explain it. people know how it feels. and they are tellig you they came out of it.

listen to that, believe that.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:44

Ummm, sorry am very forgetful but whoever offered any help I guess I am willing (dpending if I go to hospital or not) to accept some if anyone wanted to that is. Erm, Mainly so DS can have a break from 4 walls and the TV (and sock) since I cannot go out alone That would be great, only if soneone wanted to that is though

OP posts:
saffy202 · 13/04/2007 21:45

If Quootiepie has been known to SS in the past which can include the MH team and her parent's details are linked to hers, then the telephone numbers could quite likely be on there. Same applies if there are any files belonging to her.

I would be very suprised if they just rang random numbers in the phonebook.

If they had serious concerns they could possibly link to the police and ask them but again not very likely.

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