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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:37

x posted, that is a better attitude

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:38

I am listening, but I am very erm...clingy I guess. I forgave my ex for 2 1/2 years over and over, it's what i'm like. I fall in love so deeply that I cannot be independant and think "stuff him". If he promises he will change, I buy it. Right now I do not have to worry about leaving him, because he has left me. And he is stubborn, very stubborn. He will not come back. After the termination it took 5 months of begging to get him back, I cannot do that again, not I will not, but I cannnot. I do not have it in me. I do understand if he tries to come back to tell him to bog off, but... i wont lie, it'll be hard for me

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:40

well, yo have to keep thinking that way

we all fall deeply in love, but you are so young , and as i have said countless times, to you, you have the whole of the rest of your lfe to live, you can share it with a good, decent man, or in fact, no man ! and still be happy,if you are happy in your heart

now , call the crisis team back and find out what the plan is

lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:41

5 months of begging?

he probably feels he can do exactly what he likes then

noone is worth that

lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:41

how old are you quootie?

have you said before?

fussymummy · 13/04/2007 20:42

You certainly seem a bit calmer now and seeing things bit more clearer.

No man is worth begging for.

He either wants to be with you or he doesn't?

He's made it clear by going off yet again!!

You're worth much more than that.

beegee · 13/04/2007 20:42

Quootie is 20 yrs old

beegee · 13/04/2007 20:44

This calmness worries me though in some ways...Quootie has harmed herself before and she went calm before that.

fussymummy · 13/04/2007 20:45

I know what you mean about the calmness.

fussymummy · 13/04/2007 20:46

Quootie you ok?

beegee · 13/04/2007 20:48

And I know quootie - she loves her ds so much - she's a fabulous mummy. But she would want to know he was looked after if she's 'given up'.

Sorry all to sound a bit alarmist...but I'm deeply worried.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:48

yep on phone

OP posts:
beegee · 13/04/2007 20:48

I've just been on MSN with her - she's on the phone at mo

beegee · 13/04/2007 20:49

sorry - x posted

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:49

i am worried too, but i hope that tonight , decisions get made and help is offered and taken

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:59

OMG they even tried to contact my dad (somehow). Crisis team rung as SS was busy, chatted for a while, then SS rung their office so SS or crisis team ringing back

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:00

did you give them all these numbers to call?

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:00

yes, 20 yrs old. Beegee knows everything about me

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:01

no i didnt. Not spoken to my dad in a year or so, bit of a shock!

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:01

they must trace them all

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:01

how do they know about him and your mil then?

lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:02

you must have givent hem names or something tho, or else they wouldnt know who to contact

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 21:03

MIL I gave them as they asked where DH could be, I said aunts and only MIL had number. They must have just traced him somehow, we dont even share a surname now so they must have done some digging

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 21:04

they would not know how to contact these people

what are they doing for you now ??

lou33 · 13/04/2007 21:06

they couldnt find him without somw background info like his name and area he lives surely?

also dont they need your permission to contact others?

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