Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:17

Crisis team were supposed to ring her to find Dhs aunts number (where he went last time) dunno how she ended up knowing, I thinkmaybe they though the was an "option"

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 20:17

QP love, unless you enjoy the pain and the madness of this relationship/situation DO NOT LET HIM BACK EVEN IF HE WON THE BLOODY LOTTO.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:18

well, what are they suggesting?

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:18

lol

It's hard because I do love him etc etc. But that isnt the issue, he has made the decision for me, he has left and I know him, he won't be back

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 20:19

He and his mother sound MAD stop picking at the scab and leave him with his mad mother to live in his copped out world and let your life heal PLEASE........................

lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:19

that sounds like if he changed his mind you would have him tho

UCM · 13/04/2007 20:20

See you laughed, and twas only a little while.

Seriously, are you feeling lighter knowing that people talking to his Mother will bring him back?

kimi · 13/04/2007 20:20

He left, e came back he left again, FFS he is no good, but you will take him back and he will leave again and before you know it you 50, your kids messed up and your all alone with the what ifs.....

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:20

indeed lou

for once, in this absolute piss poor relationship , make the decision

it is over, because you have decided to move on and get well

not because he sent a freaking text

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:22

you know him ,he won;t be back !!!

WTF has he been doing the last 2 years !!

the hard thing is , he will try to come back, and you need to be well enough to tell him to piss off!

mummytosteven · 13/04/2007 20:22

QP - get your mh issues treated properly and you wouldn't need him at all. without the flashbacks/sleep problems and agrophobia would you really want him? he sounds to be a sadistic sh*t quite frankly. and his mother colludes with him in this behaviour, so is NOT a healthy person for you to be around.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:25

She rung, gave me an ear bashing she = MIL

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:26

i feel bad that i am getting cross now

i know its hard but you have to think less about him and the right now and more about the future and your son

people want to help you but i wonder if you really want it

i'll bow out now as i dont want to get virtually stoned

but i can say hand on my heart i have been as low as you, to the point my friend was so worried about my mental health she almost called an abulance for me

so i do understand, i just dont understand why you wont listen to us

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:28

Not feeling lighter becasue they had a chance to bring him back, because they have no way of getting hold of him. The more I try (for him to take DS, not for me) the more I make it worse for myself with regards to him. Not they have rung MIL, if he surfaces he will be angry at that. She was nasty on the phone, telling me to pull myself together etc

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:30

O, I am listening. The reason I am chasing or was , was to take DS. Now it has wittled down to someone staying tonight or mother and baby unit. Osrry,I do not make myself very clear. You are so so helpful all of you, I am abit calmer now, calm enough to allow myself to be treated rather than give DS away I think xxxxx

OP posts:
fussymummy · 13/04/2007 20:30

Quootiepie Do you still have the ADs at home?
If so it would be a good idea to start taking them and you'll feel loads better in a few days when they take effect.

They helped you before and they will again.

You care so much for your DS that is obvious.

You say you need a cuddle, well cuddle your son.

Don't worry about his bedtime routine, just snuggle up together. My kids love doing that with me.

I fully understand about depression and how hard it is to cope with it and with day to day life.

I've been there myself and also had to cope with 3 young children and being carer to my partner who has psychiatric problems.

If you want me to come and visit you over the weekend i'm sure i could work something out with you.

I live in Bucks so not that far away!

ChipButty · 13/04/2007 20:31

What's happening? Is someone helping you now? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:32

why did you not just put the phone down on her

i have to say, i am also getting a wee bit frustrated, you have had so much advice , support, offers of help, not just here, but on the numerous other threads

but nothing has changed, you are back at square one

you had a chance to go into a unit , and didn;t

take this chance

=

UCM · 13/04/2007 20:32

Right QP, this is my last post on this subject, but I am going to cat you my no. Use it if you want to but I don't think you will (I would love you to by the way).

I was 20 once, too, (yes patronising post coming up), this is a drama. You are one of the leading people in it. It will not stop being a drama until you accept help to move on with your life without all of this stress & bad feeling in it. I look back on my dramas and laugh & cringe about them now 18 years later.

You will accept this fella back, I can feel it in my bones & I aint psychic.

This will go on & on, one day someone will notice and social services will get involved because someone else has noticed that this isn't a nice way to live for any of you and that includes your partner/husband.

You won't listen, that's not what 20 year olds do, they dramatize. Thats it really.
0

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:32

THankyou, maybe I shall take some of you up on your kind offers, I know if I offered to help someone in need and they said no, even though I could tell they needed it I would be fustrated. I am starting to see abit clearer now, just dont know if I will melt down again though x

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:32

thats good

dont give your son to a man who has no respect whatsoever for the woman who gave him such a gift

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:33

ok , xpost

that sounds better

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:35

O, I asked for the unit before. But mum barged in and said she would stay (2 weeks ago). I will ask tonight about it if someone doesnt stay. I am so sorry you get all fustrated, but if anyone was sat with me they would see I am "better" already by all your help x I know, thread after thread it's the same and the same advice which boils down to get rid of him, and I dont listen (well, I do but I stay with him) sorry lost train of though...

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:36

also, and i am not hounding you, but you said you have trouble using the phone and yet you have called ss, cab, benefits agency and spoken to your mil, who seems very poisonous, yet you wont call your gp for help

i dont understand why not

do you want to be helped to be independent or do you just want everything taken away so you dont have to deal with anything?

that wont happen everytime you feel low, you need to get help to show you how to cope with the bad times, instead of just saying "right i cant cope take it all away"

i know i sound harsh

fussymummy · 13/04/2007 20:36

If you have a chance of mother and baby unit then take it with open arms.

Hopefully you'll be able to get the psychiatric treatment that you so desperately need and help with your son.

Forget about your bloke as he just sounds like a waste of space.

We can't all just run out on our families like he has!

You really do need to get him out of your life as he's not helping you at all.

Concentrate on yourself and your son, that's all that matters right now.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread