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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:55

yeah, I do.

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:02

having a child put into care and then having them returned to your care, will not, IMO, and with no experience, be easy,

that is just my perception

a lot of us here would be devastated if there was a thread in 12 months, from you, saying, well, my life is sorted, am off my meds, back in college, have a new man, but cannot get DS back or DH is trying for custody..

come on, think this through

this is not the answer

so, he will have no mummy, no daddy, just some random people to care for him,

that is best for him?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:03

no.

OP posts:
UCM · 13/04/2007 20:04

If someone stays with you tonight, that will be brilliant, they will see that you are a young mum who needs help at the moment, NOT long term.

I do hope that this is they do, until they can get you the help you need as a family, you & your son.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:04

don;t do it

he is your son

you are his mummy

you can do this together

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:05

They rung MIL to find Gregg, she offered to have me I know that would bring H back, but do I maintain some pride? Or do I forgive and forget?

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:05

ooooooooops, DHs name

OP posts:
Sobernow · 13/04/2007 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:06

no, we have a mutual dislike. Search my name and MIL, she has done alot of cruel things.

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:07

if you forgive and forget it is the end

he has won, you will never break free

do not go to MIL

she hates you, you know that

get away from them and their toxicness

do this your way

colditz · 13/04/2007 20:07

Don't let them take your ds away, you don't know who he will be given to, and they may not be as nice as you might wish. You are the only person who loves him as much as you do.

Quootie, you will feel SO different in 6 months time.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:07

ok. I didnt know whether I was stupid to not forgive and forget, and not go round there. If someone level headed says dont do it, I believe that

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:10

so hang on, cos i dont understand, are you saying you are doing this to get your h to come back?

colditz · 13/04/2007 20:11

After i had ds1, i genuinely thought he would be better off in care, and begged the doctor to please please just start the proceedings and take the burden of love away so I could grieve.

he didn't. He started me on prozac and sent a HV round every day for 2 weeks, and (now ex) dp stayed off work

If I had given him up, i would never have had another, I don't think i would have lived. For a long time I clung to my love for him. he and his brother are my reason for being on this earth.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:12

no no, I was saying he would come back if I went there, just as ... I dunno, just he would. Only reason I guess I would go there, but even as low as I am I absoloutly will not go there.

OP posts:
kimi · 13/04/2007 20:12

QP, I'm sorry to sound harse but why do yo want to give up your child just because you live on and off with a total arsehole??
Loads of people have relationship break ups and don't give up on their kids.
Some people have worse (partners die) and they get out of bed and carry on being a parent because they have to.

YOU are a mother, and you have a child who need at least one parent who is big enough and grown up enough to step up to the play, as it would seem his father is a useless twat of the highest order.

I know it is easy for us to give advice as we are not walking in your shoes, but I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee, as you need to admit you had a child with a worthless man who has not got the foggiest idea of what being a grown up let alone a parent is about and the sooner you do not let him back in to your life and move on the better, you are damaging your child and yourself.

You are a mother, you have a child to raise, do not let this man back as NOTHING about your relationship with him is even close to normal.

lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:13

i dont know hte history between you and your mil, but if she has offered to help, can you not have her to come and stay with you instead?

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:13

don;t get you Quootie

you want him bacl???????

lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:14

lulu, looks like it doesnt it?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:14

She doesnt drive, she smokes, she left me to bleed to death when I had the termination and DH walked out day after, went to his parnts and they told him to never see me again, I mean the list is endless.

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:14

ok , xpost

do not go to her

do not let her in your house

he will use it as a way to get bacmk

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 20:15

noooo, I was saying he would come back if I went there. Just an observation really. He can rot as far as i am concerned. Thats the only reaso I would go to MILs, but its not a good enough reason to go to that ()&)$&)*"&s

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:15

do not let her play a part in this

lulumama · 13/04/2007 20:16

good

lou33 · 13/04/2007 20:16

ok

leave her out of this

she sounds worse than my exh's mother

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