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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
UCM · 13/04/2007 19:18

But he is safe with you, you are his mummy and even if you are giving him the very basic care he needs at the moment, that is enough.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 19:19

you cannot undo the past, nor can you guarantee a future with no bad stuff , but you can change the way you deal with these memories, and how they affect you

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:20

It is the very basic. Very very basic. Food, clothes and a roof. Barely. Nothing more.

OP posts:
UCM · 13/04/2007 19:21

This will be very hard for you to believe, but TIME really is the master for you. Day 1, suicidal, day 2, not quite as bad, day 3 suicidal again, day 4 better and on & on.

Yes you are going to go through all sorts of feelings with tremendous highs, and terrifying lows, but it will even out eventually and you will realise that you smiled at something, or laughed at a joke...

GreatGooglyMoogly · 13/04/2007 19:21

I don't know for sure but considering that it is for MH patients I would expect that they will do whatever you need if it helps you to get better.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 19:22

quootie, you will get the help you need

and you need it

so take it

lulumama · 13/04/2007 19:22

quootie, you will get the help you need

and you need it

so take it

UCM · 13/04/2007 19:23

QP, it will not kill him to go with the basics for a weekend. On Monday, if you like I will try my utmost to get you the help you need. My good friends are foster carers and can help me out with numbers etc.

I think if you can manage to get through the weekend, you will be glad you did and then get help together, you and DS.

GreatGooglyMoogly · 13/04/2007 19:24

Have the MH team phoned back yet? Call them again if not and tell them that you want to be admitted to the mother and baby unit.

UCM · 13/04/2007 19:25

Again this will be hard to believe at this moment in time, but once you are starting to get over the hurt you feel at being left, I PROMISE you, things will improve.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:25

it sounds so silly but when nightime comes, and I know I have to go to bed all by myself, it's just going to be too much. Not just for the situation as it stands , but I will get flashbacks, panic attacks everything It's bad enough when H was here to cuddle me, or hold my hand. I cannot even contemplate doing it now

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:26

they haven't phoned back

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:26

will leave it a little while before I try them again.

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 19:26

can you call a friend, or one of the mumsnetters who has given your their details when you are scared

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:29

I am stupidly shy, I cannot even answer my own homephone half them time

OP posts:
UCM · 13/04/2007 19:29

I haven't caught up with your entire story, but are you agoraphobic? I am not sure why you can't leave the house.

If the sleeping without anyone next to you is bad, stay online tonight. I am not suggesting that you use Mumsnet as professional help, but I am pretty sure that it will help you over this weekend.

I sure wish I lived near you hun. I would come round and drive you bonkers.

Do any MNetters know if it's possible to get admitted to a M&B unit out of 'office' hours??

saffy202 · 13/04/2007 19:30

I think the duty team will be covering now, so you will need to be patient. Weekends are always busy but hopefully you will be flagged as urgent.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:32

I know you can be admitted anytime, they were going to take me about 3 weeks ago (until mum barged her way in). That was about 9pm ish. I dunno what I am, just the last few years not been able to go out alone. Or answer phone and that.

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 19:42

that is part of the depression

call back the crisis team, tell them you need to be admitted

please do not make rash decisions to give u p DS

it might be very very very very hard, or even impossible to get him back

lou33 · 13/04/2007 19:44

you can deal with teh phone if you have to, you showed that by calling ss, the cab and the benefits line

so it shows that you can do things you say you cant!

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:49

Just been on the phone to crisis team, they are ringing SS to see what they can do. Possibly someone stay all night, but I might have misunderstood him

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:50

If it's impossible to get him back there will obviously be a reason

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 19:52

i think you are making a huge huge mistake asking ss to take him

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 19:52

They are not taking him yet, they are trying to sort out other options. Like someone staying tonight. (i think)

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/04/2007 19:54

yes but you said you want him to go, you want him to be taken

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