Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

[Quootiepie]

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

no

no-one will love him like you do

and you will feel better soon, and will be ok
it all sounds so trite and so cliched,but you will feel better

i thought i had irreperably damaged DS by being depressed, he is a strong, happy , smart boy, who knows he is loved and knows that i am the best mummy in the world ever !

as your little boy knows too

i hope thta SS will support you to get help and keep your son

OR EVEN BETTER FOR BOTH OF YOU IF YOU DONT SPEND NEXT 17 YEARS SITTING IN CORNERS COS YOU GET TREATED

pls excuse caps, im not shouting

QP - I am sure that the crisis team will have you as thier equal priority ofr DS, and they won't force you to do, or not do anything.

I cannot imagine a life, even being "well". I mean, whats it all about? Living day by day, week by week and years by year goes by. The same things will haunt me, the same things will be on my mind every second of those days. And not for some good reason, just because.

you wont spend 17 yrs crying over a man who isnt worth watsing breath on

you will get on ad's and start taking baby steps until one day you will think wtf was i thinking of , having a relationship with that twat

honestly you will

in feb last year, I was barely functional. I was depressed and stressed out of my mind.

Ds1 was a santient viewer to it all, he saw me on my knees, he saw me screaming and physically tearing out my hair.

and it frightened him a little

But today, he let a little girl have a go on something he had just got onto himself, and I called him over and told him how kind he was.

And he said "Yes, I am a very kind boy, Mummy. That's why people like me."

And my confidence in my parenting leaped - not through the kindness, but because of the self assurance.

Quootie, your baby is happy with you. I know when your stress levels are so high, there seems to be no end in sight, but now I am relaxed and much much happier, and my ds1 isn't noticably damaged by my complete emotional breakdown.

I am a clingy unindependant person, I cannot function on my own. More so having sh!t men for 5 years, made me crave love even more. I would give anything I own for a cuddle right now

quootie

i was where you are a few years ago, and felt the same

now i use that dark time in my life to help others, because i have been there, and haved existed , not lived, but existed through it

at the time, i could not see a way out, and that my life would be this hideous , grey , numb existence for ever

but i got treatment, i got well, and i have stayed well,

i have had another baby, i have started training as a doula, i plan to train as an antenatal teacher, and then go into midwifery

life is good, i made it good

i don;t rely on DH to make me feel good, or to know i am worthwhile, i make myself feel good... i don;t need the validation, but when i was depressed, i tortured myself with being what i thought i should be for others

they are dark days, they will end

You will not always be like this because the MH team are going to help you until you are feeling better and can live your life and look after DS again, so DS will be better off with you while you get help and then after too. The ADs will make you feel so much better - just hang on in there until you get some.

Please go to Lou's or lulusmammy's or ask to be taken in to the mother and baby unit.

Please don't give your ds up- you will regret it so much when you are better

quootie, you need to start saying 'i can'

i can function alone

i can be a mother

i can get well

i can move on

if you give up DS and give up on life, your H has won, and so have all the others who have dragged you down and given you shit

for that reason alone, do not give in, be the winner

I really can't. I tried playing with DS, I was just sat on the floor crying. I functioned the 4 days he left before, but only befcause DSs birthday was the 5th day and I knew he would be home. I have nothing now

QP, I understand (I think) where you are coming from with regards to giving up your DS. But I warn you now, that in a few days/a weeks time, you will regret that you have made this decision. I know you are hurting because you love him so much. Stay on here and talk about that if it helps.

But I could be wrong, but I don't think SS will just hand your little one back to you, when you say you feel right again. It could take a long time.

Yes it's bad now, but tomorrow is another day, and the day after. All bad feelings eventually numb and retreat. It just takes a bit of time.

Good Luck Love.

What were you going to do at college? What do you enjoy? Hobbies? Sports? There is so much to live for, including of course your DS

cuddle your son

you have him

he is not nothing

I meant being hurt about your DH leaving by the way.

Talk all you want about him on here if it helps.

was doing A Levels and before that Equine Studies. Bugger all hobbies at the mo., horses used to be my main one but I got too fat.

I know he isn't nothing, but he needs me and I need someone too, I can't cope with being needed right now when I need the needing make sense?

quootie

you have allowed your worth and value to be defined by a man, and the presence of a man

and not just any man , a worthless , cowardly , nasty self obsessed bully

you are not nothing

you are quootie, an eloquent, intelligent young woman, bubbly , funny, kind and warm

and you are a mother

now give yourself a shake, and start saying

i am and i can

DS has been alone so long today he has started using his walker He must be that bored

But if I carry on, I will have the same nightmares, same things haunting me. Maybe if I could have a clean slate and no memory but... that's not possible

Absolutely it makes sense, but that mother and baby unit sounds like you can both be looked after together which is better for both of you.

Horses - fantastic! You can focus on getting better so that you can get back into horses and introduce DS to them

stop it now quootie

of course he is using his walker

he is one, that is waht they do

now, enough, he is fine, you will be fine

please stop this, he is a one year old finding his feet.....that is normal

god, i don;t play with my kids all day every day , nothing to feel bad about

will they look after DS? or is it like a maternity unit where you do it yourself?