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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
Blu · 13/04/2007 18:38

Sweetie, honestly, that is NOT a rubbish dinner! It was a GOOD dinner! Why do you think it was rubbish?

What about Saffy's idea? Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to take care of you both if possible?

i can see that you do feel very exhaisted and under a big burden, and can't think about the future too muh at the moment. that's why you need help just for now....some respite.

OttersPool · 13/04/2007 18:38

life WILL get better for you qp it WILL

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:39

Sweetie, do you mean 'yes Blu' as in you do feel suicidal?

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:40

I dont know What would happen when it's turfing out time at the unit? What about next week, next month? it's just nothingness.

And dinner was pants because it wasnt really a dinner, nothing really hot or substantial. All abit random

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:41

erm, yeah sorry

OP posts:
Blu · 13/04/2007 18:42

QOP - you don't have to think 'what after that' just now. You have had a hell of a lot to deal with, and you haven't the strength to think of what next. A Unit would hopefully give you a rest and some support - and would n=certainly NOT 'turf you out' if you weren't in a fit state.

Look after yourself for now, this moment....that will be enough.

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:44

SS rung, left another messege with H, all in the hands of the crisis mental health team now but they haven't rung Been hours, nearly 2 since SS said they would

OP posts:
Blu · 13/04/2007 18:44

Can you call SS again, and tell them you are feeling very desparate?

I am abit amazed that they haven't called you back yet.

But you just keep looking after your little lad.

And 'random' isn't bad...sounded like a balanced meal to me! My Ds won't eat raspberries. Did he enjoy them?

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:45

cross-posted.

Hopefully mental health crisis team will call v soon. Have you got a number for them?

Glad they called you anyway...you're not forgotten!

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:45

He loves raspebrries, I thought there would be a mess and when there wasn't I presumed he had thrown them all on the floor, but I couldn't see them. He just gobbled them all up. He isn't getting a bath tonight though

OP posts:
littleducks · 13/04/2007 18:46

didnt realise that the unit was a day facility, not really sure what you should do but if you do feel suicidal, not something to be ashamed of if you are off your meds go and sit in a and e till they sort this out? unless someone has a better suggestion?

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:46

well, I called SS to see if there was an update. Might try crisis team, dunno how much longer I can cope

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:47

well, I called SS to see if there was an update. Might try crisis team, dunno how much longer I can cope

OP posts:
Blu · 13/04/2007 18:47

Bless him! I can just imagine him gobbling them up!

Did you cook the cous cous specially, or did you have some in? It's a great standby!

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:47

nearest A & E is Wexham, or Battle, or Frimley all 20 odd miles away. Am gonna ring crisis team now

OP posts:
littleducks · 13/04/2007 18:47

no bath not the end of the world, dd has been teething so i havent bothered for a couple of days!

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:48

specially. With pesto.

OP posts:
Blu · 13/04/2007 18:48

Calling the crisis team and being honest about how you feel is a good idea.

you are coping brilliantly, woman! Bet many other MN-ers have not given thier babes a balanced enjoyable meal when they had had such a rough and miserable time! that IS coping! I'm not saying you don't need help - you deserve someone being good to you.

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:50

Yes - i introduced my DS to pesto, and avocado, at a very young age as i figured they would be good nutritious 'standby' food! Tinned sardines, too!

Good for you for ringing crisis team again - asking for help is coping, too, you know!

Blu · 13/04/2007 18:53

QP -I have to go for a while.

Come back and say whether you got any luck with the crisis team?

You're doing so well....hang on until they get back to you, ok? Make up some more cous cous.

lulumama · 13/04/2007 18:53

By Quootiepie on Fri 13-Apr-07 17:35:21
I don't want DS back if he goes.

yes, yes, you do..i remember you posts from when i first joined MN, and the joy and delight you have taken in your little boy, your pride at breast feeding him , all your concern about feeding him right, doing it all right

he is your light, your life and your love.....

he needs you , you need him, you need each other, and i think you are a pretty good team

you are not the first mum to be crippled by depression, i used to phone my mum crying tellig her i could not cope, please make it stop....now look at me !! you can turn your life around

if you can get into inpatient treatment, then go, with your boy....i had residential treatment, it turned my life around

please, do it for DS< if not for yourself

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:54

just talked to them, they dont know what to do, they are calling back in a few mins

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/04/2007 18:54

they will work out a plan

Quootiepie · 13/04/2007 18:56

not really ringing them for me, ringing them to take DS

Thanks lulu, I do love him, but so much so I cannot bear for him to spent the next 17 years with me crying, and sititng in corners and what not. Better he goes into care this way thatn any other way

OP posts:
violeteyes · 13/04/2007 18:57

also a lurker, but have a little experience of serious depression and feel frightened about QP's words-especially as someone has mentioned aprevious suicide attempt.

QP- please don't make any hasty decisions, you mentioned a mother and baby unit last time he left, could you not go there this time? your little son will make you a priority for help please believe things can get better

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